Jokes and Trivia for January 2, 2012

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder. – Charles Morgan

TODAY – JANUARY 2nd – MONDAY

2nd day of 2012 with 364 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* National Cream Puff Day

* Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

1647 Nathaniel Bacon, Jamestown, Virginia, colonist, famous as the instigator of Bacon’s Rebellion
1822 Rudolf Clausius, Köslin, Province of Pomerania, physicist, considered one of the central founders of the science of thermodynamics
1857 M. Carey Thomas, Baltimore, Maryland, educator, suffragist and second President of Bryn Mawr College
1886 Apsley Cherry-Garrard, English explorer of Antarctica. (Survived Terra Nova Expedition, wrote The Worst Journey in the World)
1902 Bob Marshall, New York City, New York, forester, author and wilderness activist (Artic Village)
1905 Lev Schnirelmann, Gomel, Belarus, Russian Empire, mathematician, sought to prove Goldbach’s conjecture
1909 Barry Goldwater, Phoenix, Arizona Territory, U.S. Senator from Arizona (5 terms), nominee for President in 1964 election, “Mr. Conservative”
1920 Isaac Asimov, Petrovichi, Russia, American author of science fiction and popular science books (Foundation Series, Robot series, Lucky Starr series)
1925 William J. Crowe, La Grange, Kentucky, U.S. Navy Admiral, Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff (Reagan & H.W. Bush administrations), ambassador to UK (Clinton administration)
1925 Larry Harmon, Toledo, Ohio, entertainer (Bozo the Clown)
1936 Roger Miller, Fort Worth, Texas, singer (“King of the Road”, “Dang Me” and “England Swings”)
1940 S. R. S. Varadhan, Madras (Chennai), Madras Presidency, British India, Indian-American mathematician, received the highest honor bestowed by the United States government on scientists, engineers and inventors
1947 Jack Hanna, Knoxville, Tennessee, zookeeper, Director Emeritus of Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, appears on Good Morning American and David Letterman, Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures
1952 Graeme Strachan, Melbourne, rock singer (Skyhooks)
1961 Gabrielle Carteris, Scottsdale, Arizona, actress (Beverly Hills, 90210)
1967 Tia Carrere, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Wayne’s World, Duck Dodgers, True Lies, Relic Hunter)
1968 Cuba Gooding Jr., New York City, New York, actor (Outbreak, The Tuskegee Airmen, Jerry Maguire, Men of Honor, Radio)
1969 Robby Gordon, Cerritos, California, racecar driver (NASCAR Sprint Cup; 3 wins, 39 top tens, 1 pole)
1971 Renee Elise Goldsberry, San Jose, California, actress and singer
1975 Doug Robb, American singer (Hoobastank)
1975 Dax Shepard, Milford, Michigan, actor (Brother’s Justice )
1983 Kate Bosworth, Los Angeles, California, actress (Young Americans, Beyond the Sea, Superman Returns, 21)
1985 Healther O’Reilly, New Brunswick, New Jersey, soccer player (U.S. Women’s national team)

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The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist. – Harold Wilkins

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

1777 American Revolutionary War: American forces under the command of George Washington repulsed a British attack at the Battle of the Assunpink Creek near Trenton, New Jersey
1788 Georgia becomes the fourth state to ratify the United States Constitution
1860 The discovery of the planet Vulcan is announced at a meeting of the Académie des Sciences in Paris
1871 Amadeus I becomes King of Spain.
1900 John Hay announces the Open Door Policy to promote trade with China.
1920 The second Palmer Raid takes place with another 6,000 suspected communists and anarchists arrested and held without trial. These raids take place in several U.S. cities.
1935 Bruno Hauptmann goes on trial for the murder of Charles Lindbergh, Jr., infant son of aviator Charles Lindbergh.
1942 FBI convicts 33 members of a German spy ring headed by Fritz Joubert Duquesne in the largest espionage case in U.S. history—the Duquesne Spy Ring.
1959 Luna 1, the first spacecraft to reach the vicinity of the Moon and to orbit the Sun, is launched by the U.S.S.R.
1974 President Richard Nixon signs a bill lowering the maximum U.S. speed limit to 55 MPH in order to conserve gasoline during an OPEC embargo
1999 A brutal snowstorm smashes into the Midwestern United States, causing 14 inches (359 mm) of snow in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and 19 inches (487 mm) in Chicago, where temperatures plunge to -13 °F (-25 °C); 68 deaths are reported
2001 Sila Calderón becomes the first female Governor of Puerto Rico
2002 Eduardo Duhalde is appointed interim President of Argentina by the Legislative Assembly.
2004 Stardust successfully flies past Comet Wild 2, collecting samples that are returned to Earth.
2006 An explosion in a coal mine in Sago, West Virginia traps and kills 12 miners, while leaving one miner in critical condition.

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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her; I’ll give you a hundred dollars.”

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?”

The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”

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ONE-LINERS:

Q: What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?
A: Reload and try again.

~ I wouldn’t say that my mother-in-law was ugly, but every time she puts on lipstick, it tries to crawl back into the tube.

Q: How do you stop your mother-in-law from drowning?
A: Take your foot off her head.

Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a mother-in-law?
A: One’s a scum-sucking bottom-dweller, and the other’s a fish.

~ I bought my mother-in-law a chair for Christmas, but she wouldn’t plug it in.
~ I’m trying to get my mother-in-law to go ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.

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pic of the day:

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: What does a pig write with?
A: A pig pen.

—–

Q: Who does a pig write to?
A: Her pen pals.

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As they wait for the bus, Mother says to little Johnny, “Tell the driver you’re four years old so you can ride for free.”

As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny, “How old are you?”

“I am four years old.”

“And when will you be five years old?”

“When I get off the bus.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CREAM PUFFS

~The term ‘cream puff’, a small puff pastry filled with whipped cream, dates to around 1880 in the U.S.

~The Wisconsin Bakers Association produces hundreds of thousands of light, airy, and sinfully delicious Cream Puffs each year for the Wisconsin State Fair.

~One myth surrounding the history of cream puffs is that they were invented by Catherine de Medici’s cook. Catherine de Medici, daughter of the famous Renaissance Italy family of Medicis, was the queen of France. Legends surrounding the history of the cream puff credit Catherine’s cook at the royal court of France with inventing this tasty dessert. Because Catherine was a patroness of the arts, many assume that her high taste in art ran to high art in the kitchen.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: It’s better to light a match, than curse the darkness.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself. – Bernard Shaw