Jokes and Trivia for January 9, 2011

January 9, 2012

Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. – Abraham Joshua Heschel

TODAY – JANUARY 9th – MONDAY

9th day of 2012 with 16 to 357  follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Apricot Day

*Play God Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1864 Vladimir Steklov, Nizhny Novgorod, Russian Empire, mathematician, known for Poincaré–Steklov operator
  • 1868 S. P. L. Sørensen, Havrebjerg, Denmark, chemist, famous for the introduction of the concept of pH, a scale for measuring acidity and basicity
  • 1870 Joseph B Strauss, Cincinnati, Ohio, civil engineer (chief engineer of the Golden Gate Bridge)
  • 1886 Lloyd Loar, Acoustical engineer and inventor of the Gibson F-5 mandolin
  • 1890 Karel Čapek, Czech writer (introduced & made popular the word robot, used 1st in his play R.U.R.)
  • 1901 Chic Young, Chicago, Illinois, cartoonist (Blondie)
  • 1913 Richard Nixon, Yorba Linda, California, 37th President of the United States (Watergate Scandal)
  • 1925 Lee Van Cleef, Somerville, New Jersey, actor (High Noon, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance)
  • 1928 Judith Krantz, American romance author (Scruples, Mistral’s Daughter, I’ll Take Manhattan, Princess Daisy)
  • 1935 Bob Denver, New Rochelle, New York, actor (Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island, The Many Love of Dobie Gillis) / FM radio personality in Princeton, West Virginia
  • 1936 Anne Rivers Siddons, Atlanta, Georgia, author (stories set in the southern United States; Sweetwater Creek, Heartbreak Hotel)
  • 1938 Stuart Woods, Manchester, Georgia, author (Will Lee novels, Chiefs; Stone Barringon novels, The Short Forever, Dark Harbor; Holly Barker series, Blood Orchid; Ed Eagle series, Santa Fe Rules)
  • 1941 Joan Baez, Staten Island, NYC, New York, singer and activist
  • 1942 Lee Kun-hee, Uiryeong, South Korea, industrialist, chairman of Samsung
  • 1942 Judy Malloy, Boston, Massachusetts, hypertext fiction pioneer and artist (Uncle Roger)
  • 1943 Freddie Starr, Huyton, Liverpool, England, comedian and singer , with a chart album After the Laughter and UK Top 10 single, “It’s You”
  • 1943 Scott Walker, Hamilton, Ohio, singer (The Walker Brothers )
  • 1945 John Doman, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (The Wire, Oz)
  • 1947 Ronnie Landfield, Bronx, NewYork, artist
  • 1948 Bill Cowsill, Middletown, Rhode Island, singer (The Cowsills)
  • 1950 David Johansen, Staten Island, New York, singer
  • 1951 Crystal Gayle, Paintsville, Kentucky, singer (Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue)
  • 1957 Phil Lewis, London, England, American singer (L.A. Guns)
  • 1959 Mark Martin, Batesville, Arkansas, race car driver
  • 1967 Steve Harwell, Santa Clara, California, singer and musician (Smash Mouth)
  • 1978 AJ McLean, West Palm Beach, Florida, singer (Backstreet Boys)
  • 1978 Chad Ochocinco, Miami, Florida, football player (wide receiver New England Patriots); Dancing with the Stars (10th season)

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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. – Martin Luther King

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1768 In London, Philip Astley stages the first modern circus.
  • 1788 Connecticut becomes the fifth state to be admitted to the United States.
  • 1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard becomes the first person to fly in a balloon in the United States.
  • 1806 Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson receives a state funeral and is interred in St Paul’s Cathedral.
  • 1816 Sir Humphry Davy tests the Davy lamp for miners at Hebburn Colliery.
  • 1839 The French Academy of Sciences announces the Daguerreotype photography process.
  • 1858 Anson Jones, the last President of the Republic of Texas, commits suicide.
  • 1861 American Civil War: The “Star of the West” incident occurs near Charleston, South Carolina. It is considered by some historians to be the “First Shots of the American Civil War”.
  • 1861 Mississippi becomes the second state to secede from the Union before the outbreak of the American Civil War.
  • 1863 American Civil War: the Battle of Fort Hindman begins in Arkansas.
  • 1878 Umberto I becomes King of Italy.
  • 1880 The Great Gale of 1880 devastates parts of Oregon and Washington with high wind and heavy snow.
  • 1894 New England Telephone and Telegraph installs the first battery-operated telephone switchboard in Lexington, Massachusetts.
  • 1909 Ernest Shackleton, leading the Nimrod Expedition to the South Pole, plants the British flag 97 nautical miles (180 km; 112 mi) from the South Pole, the furthest anyone had ever reached at that time.
  • 1914 Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc., the first historically black intercollegiate Greek-letter fraternity to be officially recognized at Howard University is founded.
  • 1918 Battle of Bear Valley: The last battle of the American Indian Wars.
  • 1923 Juan de la Cierva makes the first autogyro flight.
  • 1947 Elizabeth “Betty” Short, the Black Dahlia, is last seen alive.
  • 1965 The Mirzapur Cadet College formally opens for academic activities in East Pakistan (now Bangladesh).
  • 1991 Representatives from the United States and Iraq meet at the Geneva Peace Conference to try and find a peaceful resolution to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.

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Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That’s right — the driver’s side. This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm. Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix. I found it in a yellow cotton work glove I found lying on the floor. I wedged the cloth under the wiper arm.

Not only did it do a great job keeping my windshield clear, you’d be surprised at how many people waved back!

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ONE-LINERS: Readers of New York magazine were asked to invent country song titles.

- Ain’t No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out

- You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa

- Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With a Tart

- I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day

- She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn’t Choose Me

- The Peach I Picked In Georgia Didn’t Cling To Me For Long

- Don’t Want That Floozy In My Jacuzzi

- I Found The Recipe For Heartbreak In a Cookbook On Your Shelf

- Now That We’re Miserable, I Hope You’re Happy

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pic of the day: Elderberries

picture of elderberries

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The English teacher always stressed the importance of nice clean margins on student papers. One student added a note to his essay reading, “I’m sorry I had to write in the margarine.”

When he graded the paper, the teacher added a note of his own: “Maybe next time you will do butter.”

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“This morning I waded across a raging river, escaped from a bear in the woods, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and climbed up an enormous tree.”

“You must be some outdoorsman!”

“No, just a lousy golfer.”

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*** Old Timer’s Views on Computing ***

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider’s home
A virus was the flu
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: APRICOT

~The Latin name for apricot is “praecoquum”, which exactly means “early matured” / “early-ripening peach.”

~Around 95% of all apricots grown in the United States come from California. 75% of it are of the Patterson variety

~Apricot Trees produce fruit for 20 years

~The average apricot tree rises to 12-15 feet tall and produces fruit for 20-25 years

~ Did you know that Astronauts ate apricots on the Apollo moon mission?

~Dried apricots contain over 40 percent sugar

~Apricot kernels are poisonous until roasted

~Apricots originated in Asia more than 4,000 years ago, migrating to Persia and the Mediterranean before Spanish explorers brought them to the United States.

~In China, apricots were called “moons of the faithful” and were thought to enhance women’s fertility.

~Fresh apricots are available year-round throughout North America. From May through August, varieties come primarily from California and Washington.

~Apricots are an excellent source of vitamin A and a good source of vitamin C, dietary fiber, and potassium.

~To select ripe apricots, look for fruit with a rich, orange color — not pale yellow or green — that’s a little soft to the touch.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.  – Henry Ford

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

If you have a purpose in which you can believe, there’s no end to the amount of things you can accomplish. – Marian Anderson

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