Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds. – Norman Vincent Peale
FOR TODAY – JULY 7th – THURSDAY
188th day of 2011 with 177 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Macaroni Day
* National Strawberry Sundae Day
* Chocolate Day
* Father & Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1752 Joseph-Marie Jacquard, France, invented programmable loom
- 1843 Camillo Golgi, Italy, physician, cytologist (Nobel: staining nerve cells – Golgi’s stain)
- 1861 Nettie Maria Stevens, American cell biologist and geneticist (one of 1st scientist to find sex is determined by presence or absence of X chromosome)
- 1906 Satchel Paige, Mobile, Alabama, right-handed pitcher & oldest rookie to play major league baseball (Baseball Hall of Fame 1971)
- 1907 Robert A Heinlein, Butler, Missouri, sci-fi author (The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Red Planet, Stranger in a Strange Land, Starship Troopers)
- 1919 Jon Pertwee, British actor (3rd incarnation of Dr. Who)
- 1922 Pierre Cardin, Paris France, fashion designer (Unisex)
- 1927 Carl (Doc) Severinson, composer/bandleader/trumpeter (Tonight)
- 1940 Ringo Starr, Beatles’ drummer/actor (Magic Christian)
- 1944 Ian Wilmut, English embryologist (Supervised team that produced 1st mammal cloned from cell of an adult, Dolly the sheep)
- 1949 Shelley Duvall, Houston TX, actress (Popeye, Rocketman, Casper Meets Wendy)
- 1968 Jorja Fox, NYC, actress (CSI, West Wing, ER)
- 1980 Michelle Kwan, Torrance CA, figure skater (5 World Championships, 2 Olympic Gold
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Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. – Winston Churchill
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1846 US begins annexation of California.
- 1863 1st military draft by US (exemptions cost $100)
- 1898 US annexes Hawaii.
- 1930 Construction begins on Boulder (Hoover) Dam
- 1941 US forces land in Iceland to forestall Nazi invasion
- 1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini canonized as 1st American saint
- 1947 Downed UFO believed to be found in the Roswell UFO incident.
- 1958 President Eisenhower signs Alaska statehood bill
- 1978 Solomon Islands gains independence from Britain (National Day).
- 1981 President Ronald Reagan appoints Sandra Day O’Connor to become the first female member of the Supreme Court of the United States.
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A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, “Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?”
The guy says, “No, it’s not that… it’s just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
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A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me 100 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.
A week later the man returns and says, “Give me 200 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me 500 baby chickens.”
“Wow!” the co-op man replies. “You must really be doing well!”
“Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”
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ONE-LINERS :
~It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
~Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
~The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
~It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
~Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.
~You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
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The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
“The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures and I could not stop talking!”
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pic of the day:
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Two dumb guys were taking their first train trip. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, ‘I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.’
‘Why not?’
‘I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.’
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A woman ordered a new stove from a retailer. However, the stove was delivered while the woman was at work one day.
When the woman got home, she noticed that the new stove had been installed and her old stove was missing. She frantically called the retailer and asked, “Where is my old stove?”
The retailer replied that she just had a new one delivered to her. The woman asked again “Where is my old stove?”
The retailer replied. “Your new stove has all the latest features” and he proceeded to list them all.
The woman interrupted “Where is my old stove?”
The retailer concerned and bewildered asked the woman why she wanted to know where her old stove was.
The woman replied in anguish ” My dinner is in the oven!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A: A harpist tuning unison strings.
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
A: The bow is moving.
A: Both are offensive AND inaccurate.
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A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. ”Father,” he said, ”I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, ”Don’t you love this girl?”
”Oh yes, very much,” he said, ”but you see, I have very smelly feet and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”
”No problem,” said dad, ”all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed.”
Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.” Mom,” she said, ”When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful.”
”Honey,” her mother consoled, ”everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
”No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiancée will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
Her mother said simply, ”Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
”I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked. ”Not a word,” her mother affirmed. ”Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought. The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed.
This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, ”What on earth are you doing?”
”Oh, my,” he replies, ”you’ve swallowed my sock!”
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One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.”
“Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 5,000 hours of community service?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: MACARONI
~Macaroni and cheese is the number one cheese recipe in the United States.
~Around one-third of the population of the United States will eat macaroni and cheese at least once in any given twelve-week period. Mostly the consumers are kids.
~Macaroni and cheese has remained on the list America’s top ten comfort foods for decades.
~ Cheddar cheese is the most popular cheese mixed in macaroni.
~In the year 1993, Crayola named one of their crayon colors “macaroni and cheese.”
~Kraft introduced its famous boxed version of macaroni and cheese in 1937. During the first year, nine million boxes were sold. Today, Kraft sells more than one million boxes of its macaroni and cheese every day.
~It is a good source of copper, manganese and selenium.
~The recommended wine to serve with macaroni and cheese is Burgundy wine.
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LIFE LESSON: When you are inspired by some great purpose, Some extraordinary project, All your thoughts break their bounds. Your mind transcends limitations, Your consciousness expands in every direction, And you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. – The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali
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QUIP OF THE DAY:
It’s nice to be important, but more important to be nice.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Write in your heart that every day Is the best day of the year. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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