Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud. – Sophocles
FOR TODAY – JULY 12th – TUESDAY
193rd day of 2011 with 172 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Pecan Pie Day
*Different Colored Eyes Day
*Kiribati Independence Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1817 Henry David Thoreau, Concord, Massachusetts , writer and philosopher , best known for his book Walden
- 1849 Sir William Osler, Canadian physician (one of “Big Four” founding professors at Johns Hopkins Hospital, created first residency program for specialty training of doctors)
- 1854 George Eastman, Waterville, New York, inventor and philanthropist (invented Kodak camera; founded Eastman Kodak Company)
- 1864 George Washington Carver, Diamond, Missouri, botanist (studied the peanut)
- 1895 Oscar Hammerstein II, NYC, lyricist who worked with Richard Rodgers
- 1895 R Buckminster Fuller, Milton, Maine, architect (invented geodesic dome)
- 1908 Milton Berle, Manhattan, New York, comedian and actor (first major star of US television; NBC’s Texaco Star Theater)
- 1913 Willis Lamb, Los Angeles, California, physicist, Nobel laureate for his discoveries concerning the fine structure of the hydrogen spectrum
- 1917 Andrew Wyeth, Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, artist (American realist painter, one of the best-known of the 20th century and sometimes referred to as the “Painter of the People” due to his popularity with the American public)
- 1928 Elias James Corey, Methuen, Massachusetts, chemist, known for Retrosynthetic analysis
- 1934 Harvey Lavan “Van” Cliburn Jr, Shreveport, Louisiana, pianist (Tchaikovsky 1958)
- 1937 Bill Cosby, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, comedian and actor (The Bill Cosby Show )
- 1941 Benny Parsons, Wilkes Co., North Carolina, NASCAR driver, “Mr. Professor”, announcer/analyst on TBS, ESPN, NBC & TNT (d. 2007)
- 1948 Jay Thomas, Kermit, Texas, actor (Mork and Mindy, Cheers, Murphy Brown )
- 1948 Richard Simmons, New Orleans, Louisiana, exercise guru (Deal-a-Meal)
- 1949 Rick Hendrick, Warrenton, North Carolina, NASCAR team owner (Hendrick Motorsports) Hendrick Marrow Program
- 1951 Cheryl Ladd, Huron, South Dakota, actress (Charlie’s Angels, Purple Hearts)
- 1952 Voja Antonić, Šabac, Serbia, then Yugoslavia , Serbian inventor and writer, best known for creating a build-it-yourself home computer Galaksija and originating a related “Build your own computer Galaksija” initiative with Dejan Ristanović
- 1956 Sandi Patty, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, contemporary Christian music artist (The Voice)
- 1976 Tracie Spencer, Waterloo, Iowa , singer and songwriter
- 1978 Michelle Rodriguez, San Antonio, Texas, actress (The Fast and the Furious , Blue Crush ,Resident Evil , S.W.A.T., Fast & Furious , Avatar )
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The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. - Martha Washington
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1543 King Henry VIII of England marries his sixth and last wife, Catherine Parr, at Hampton Court Palace.
- 1562 Fray Diego de Landa, acting Bishop of Yucatan, burns the sacred books of the Maya.
- 1804 Former United States Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton dies a day after being shot in a duel.
- 1862 The Medal of Honor is authorized by the United States Congress.
- 1909 16th Amendment passed in Congress (power to tax incomes).
- 1917 The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 striking miners and others from Bisbee, Arizona.
- 1960 Etch-A-Sketch, the drawing toy, first manufactured.
- 1967 The Newark riots began in Newark, New Jersey.
- 1970 A fire consumes the wooden home of Norwegian composer Geirr Tveitt and irretrievably destroys about 90 percent of his output.
- 1979 The island nation of Kiribati declares independence from Great Britain.
- 1973 A fire destroys the entire 6th floor of the National Personnel Records Center of the United States.
- 2011 Neptune completes its first orbit since its discovery on September 23, 1846.
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COMMON HOLLYWOOD CLICHES
* Aliens – No matter where they came from, their entire planet has learned how to live in peace and they have but one culture, one language, one style of clothing, etc.
* Baths – Bubbles hide everything and never dissipate.
* Bars – Troubled men gulp their drinks in one shot and immediately ask for another.
* Bombs – Every single bomb has a digital display showing exactly when it will go off.
* Cars – No one ever locks their car upon exiting it.
* Car Chases – No matter where you are, there will be a Korean grocer with his vegetables out on the sidewalk for display in easily smashable wooden crates.
* Dinner – Just met? Chinese takeout. Romantic dinner by candlelight? The other person never shows up. Family meal? Someone will get upset after a few bites and storm away from the table.
* Fights – If you’re supposed to win in the end, you will lose the first round. Every time.
* Health – Have a cough? You’ll be dead or declared terminal by the end of the reel.
* Locks – All doors can be opened or lock-picked with a credit card or hairpin.
* Radio/TV – Everything you need to know is heard or seen within moments of turning the set on. You then immediately turn it back off.
* Schools – The bell always ring in the middle of the teacher’s sentence.
* Soldiers – If a soldier shows a buddy a picture of his small-town sweetheart, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about his dream vacation, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about what he wants to do when he gets out of the service, he will—well, you get the idea.
* Technology – From any computer or smartphone, you can access the files of the villain’s corporation. All video screens, no matter the size or model, will show a crystal clear 3-D reproduction of the image. Every single person knows how to type very quickly.
* Weather – The weather serves only to emphasize the plot. Things going badly? Rain. Things going well? Sunny and warm. Occasionally the weather *is* the plot.
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Teacher: Tommy, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Tommy: Ma’am, it’s the same dog.
Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn’t have 10 years ago.
Wendy: Me!
Teacher: Jake, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Jake: A teacher.
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ONE-LINERS :
~I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie up for the night?
~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
~Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
~If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
~You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
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A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
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pic of the day: Birdhouse & Clematis
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Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, ‘When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!’
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There were three men stranded on a dessert island. As it happens on desert islands, one of them found a bottle with a genie. The genie said “Because there are three of you, you each get one wish.”
The first guy said “I want a limo.” BOOM He has a limo.
The second guy said “I want a million dollars.” Boom he is swimming in money.
The third guy said ” I want to be irresistible to women.” BOOM he turns into a CHOCOLATE BAR!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
~What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
~Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
~A backward poet writes inverse.
~In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism it’s your count that votes.
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A woman walks into a 24 hour convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small notebooks?”
“Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”
The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?”
“Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have Doritos? Nachos?”
The manager shrugs, “Sorry.”
“Hmmph. How about Chapstick?” says the woman.
“Nope. Don’t have that.”
“Well, good grief!” the woman shouts, “If you don’t have anything, you should close the stinking store!”
The manager shrugs, “Don’t have the key.”
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At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
”It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. ”What time does the bar open?” he asks. ”Same time as before – noon,” replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. ”Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?”
The clerk then answers, ”It opens at noon, but if you can’t wait, I can have room service send something up to you.” ‘
‘No! I don’t wanna git in, ah wanna git OUT!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CONTACT LENS
Contact lenses come under 3 main types:
*SOFT LENSES are soft and comfortable to wear. These lenses contain some amount of water and will cause deposits to accumulate.
*DISPOSABLE LENSES are actually soft lenses that can be disposed either every day, after a week, 2 weeks or a month
*SEMI-HARD LENSES are also called rigid gas permeable lenses.
~Contact lenses are very safe to use provided proper care is taken.
~Wearing them is often uncomfortable for first-time wearers. It will take about a week or more to get used to them. If it is painful, it could indicate an improper fit.
~Ronald Reagan was the first President to wear contact lenses. He was nearsighted since childhood. Began wearing glasses around the time he entered high school until in his acting career, which was shortly after they first became available. When delivering a speech he would remove one lens so he could read his notes and leave one lens in so he could see the audience. Thus, for those around Reagan it was common practice to see him re-inserting a contact lens after speaking.
~According to history, the first person to suggest contact lenses was Leonardo da Vinci in 1508.
~The first actual fitting of contact lenses was by Adolph Frick in Zurich in 1888.
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LIFE LESSON: Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly. – Robert Kennedy
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QUIP OF THE DAY:Good judgment comes from experience;and experience, well, that comes from bad judgment.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Do not act as if you had a thousand years to live. - Marcus Aurelius
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