Adversity does teach who your real friends are. – Lois McMaster Bujold, A Civil Campaign
FOR TODAY – JULY 21st – THURSDAY
202nd day of 2011 with 163 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Junk Food Day
*National Ice Cream Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1620 Jean Picard, French astronomer (first person to measure the size of the Earth to a reasonable degree of accuracy)
- 1810 Henri Victor Regnault, Aachen, French chemist, best known for his careful measurements of the thermal properties of gases
- 1816 Paul Julius Baron von Reuter, German-born British journalist (founded Reuters news service)
- 1864 Frances Clara Folsom Cleveland Preston, Buffalo, New York, 27th First Lady of the United States (1886-1889; wife of Grover Cleveland)
- 1899 Ernest Hemingway, Oak Park, Illinois, writer and journalist (Nobel 1954 / The Sun Also Rises, A Farewell to Arms, The Old Man and the Sea)
- 1920 Isaac Stern, Russia, violinist (debut SF Symphony)
- 1923 Rudolph A. Marcus, Montreal, Quebec, chemist, known for electron transfer
- 1924 Don Knotts, Morgantown, West Virginia, actor (Barney on Andy Griffith Show, The Apple Dumpling Gang, Three’s Company)
- 1948 Garry Trudeau, New York City, New York, cartoonist (Doonesbury comic strip)
- 1951 Robin Williams, Chicago, Illinois, actor and comedian (Mork and Mindy, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, The Fisher King, Aladdin, Jumanji, Patch Adams, Robots, Night at the Museum)
- 1956 Michael Connelly, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, author (detective novels and other crime fiction – (Harry Bosch series, Mickey Haller series, Jack McEvoy series, Blood Work, Void Moon)
- 1957 Jon Lovitz, Los Angeles, California, comedian (Saturday Night Live )
- 1960 Lance Guest, Saratoga, California, actor (Alex Rogan in The Last Starfighter, Jaws: The Revenge, The Jennie Project)
- 1961 Jim Martin, Oakland, California, musician (Faith No More)
- 1969 Godfrey, Lincoln, Nebraska, comedian (Soul Plane, Original Gangstas, Zoolander, and Johnson Family Vacation)
- 1978 Josh Hartnett, Saint Paul, Minnesota, actor (Pearl Harbor)
- 1981 Blake Lewis, Redmond, Washington, musician (Break Anotha)
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The pleasure of love is in loving. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1861 American Civil War: First Battle of Bull Run – at Manassas Junction, Virginia, the first major battle of the war begins and ends in a victory for the Confederate army.
- 1865 In the market square of Springfield, Missouri, Wild Bill Hickok shoots and kills Davis Tutt in what is regarded as the first western showdown.
- 1873 At Adair, Iowa, Jesse James and the James-Younger Gang pull off the first successful train robbery in the American Old West.
- 1877 After rioting by Baltimore and Ohio Railroad workers and the deaths of nine rail workers at the hands of the Maryland militia, workers in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania stage a sympathy strike that is met with an assault by the state militia.
- 1904 Trans-Siberian railway completed which opened Siberia to colonization.
- 1918 U-156 shells Nauset Beach, in Orleans, Massachusetts.
- 1919 The dirigible Wingfoot Air Express crashes into the Illinois Trust and Savings Building in Chicago, killing 12 people.
- 1925 Sir Malcolm Campbell becomes the first man to break the 150 mph (241 km/h) land barrier at Pendine Sands in Wales. He drove a Sunbeam at a two-way average speed of 150.33 mph (242 km/h).
- 1949 The United States Senate ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty.
- 1959 Elijah Jerry “Pumpsie” Green becomes the first African-American to play for the Boston Red Sox, the last team to integrate. He came in as a pinch runner for Vic Wertz and stayed in as shortstop in a 2-1 loss to the Chicago White Sox.
- 1969 Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.
- 1997 The fully restored USS Constitution (aka Old Ironsides) celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.
- 2000 International group of scientists at Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced evidence for subatomic particle named tau neutrino.
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My wife and I were at my high school reunion.
As I looked around, I swept my fellow classmates with a critical eye, taking note of all the men in their expensive suits tailored over bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact I now weighed just five more pounds than I did in high school – mostly the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm – I leaned over and whispered to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore at graduation.”
My wife also gave the crowd a discerning look and then whispered back, “You’re the only guy who has to.”
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In a grocery store a cashier held up a small dairy carton and yelled to a co-worker, “How much is half-and-half?”
Without a moment’s hesitation the other cashier replied, “One.”
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ONE-LINERS : ** Funny Employee Evaluations **
1. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargles.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered in a trap.
5. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. She sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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I HAD BEEN POSTED to a small Air Force radar site. One Friday after finishing my paper work, I leaned back and propped my feet on the desk. Just then the captain came into my office. “Sergeant,” he snapped, “sitting like that shows the troops poor military bearing and image!” Then he said, “Come with me. The commander wants to see us.”
When we arrived at the colonel’s office, he was leaning back with his feet propped up on the desk. I glanced at the captain and whispered, “Well, sir, would you like to tell him, or shall I?”
–Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by SSgt. Dennis J. Jurko
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pic of the day: Fringed Daisies
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A woman arrived at her local police department to report the disappearance of her husband.
“Do you have a photograph of him?” the desk sergeant inquired.
“Yes, I do,” the woman replied and handed one over.
The officer took a good look at it and then asked, “If we find him, is there a message you’d like us to give him?”
“Yes. Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”
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OUR MARINE UNIT, deployed to Saudi Arabia during Operation Desert Storm, was moving west on a road carved out of desert by Seabees and Marine engineers. Along the “Miracle Mile,” we saw various signs bearing Marine abbreviations such as COC (Combat Operations Center). When we came upon DIP in large black letters, my driver and I guessed: Division Infantry Position? Demarcation Infantry Post? Suddenly, our vehicle jolted violently, throwing equipment around the cab. As our heads hit the canvas roof, we looked at each other and yelled, “Dip!”
–Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Capt. Donald J. Hard
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A little pig walks into a bar. He has a couple of beers, then asks the bartender, “Which way to the bathroom?”
“Down the hall, first door on your left.”
The pig visits the bathroom and leaves the bar.
Then another little pig comes into the bar. He also has a few beers, uses the bathroom leaves.
Later, another little pig follows the same ritual, and then another. The bartender thinks, “I’m beginning to see a pattern here.”
Finally, yet another little pig walks in. He has a few beers, gets up and starts to walk out. The says, “Aren’t you going to use the bathroom?”
“No, I’m going wee wee wee all the way home.”
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Money:
It can buy you a House,
But not a Home.
It can buy you a Bed,
But not Sleep.
It can buy you a Clock,
But not Time.
It can buy you a Book,
But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position,
But not Respect.
It can buy you Medicine,
But not Health.
It can buy you Blood,
But not Life.
So you see, money isn’t everything. The best things in life can’t be bought, and often we destroy ourselves trying. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your needless pain and suffering.
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A truer Friend than me you will never find.
CASH ONLY, PLEASE!!!!!
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A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with the old rancher. “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
“Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
“See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land! No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The rancher nodded politely. “I’m sorry,” and with that he went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams. He looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life with the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull in hot pursuit. The bull was gaining ground on the officer with every step and it seemed just a matter of a few more steps before the officer would be gored.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs: “Your badge! Show him your BADGE!!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Ice Cream
~ Ice Cream means different things in different countries. Other names include frozen custard, frozen yogurt, sorbet, gelato and others are used to distinguish different varieties and styles.
~ An ice cream ‘ancestor’ was made in the Persian Empire where people would pour grape juice concentrate over snow in a bowl and eat this as a treat.
~ Ice cream recipes first appear in 18th century England and America.
~ The ice cream sundae originated in the late 19th century, but the exact time and place where it was first made is not known.
~ Reliable evidence proves that ice cream cones were served in the 19th century, and their popularity increased greatly during the St. Louis World’s Fair in 1904. According to legend, at the World’s Fair an ice cream seller had run out of the cardboard dishes used to put ice cream scoops in, so they could not sell any more produce. Next door to the ice cream booth was a Syrian waffle booth, unsuccessful due to intense heat; the waffle maker offered to make cones by rolling up his waffles and the new product sold well, and was widely copied by other vendors.
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LIFE LESSON: There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. – Nelson Mandela, ‘A Long Walk to Freedom’
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. – Dave Barry
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
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