Wisdom lies in taking everything with good humor and a grain of salt. - George Santayana
FOR TODAY – JULY 22nd – FRIDAY
203rd day of 2011 with 162 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Hammock Day
* Ratcatcher’s Day
* Great Spoonerisms Day
* National Penuche Fudge Day
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1822 Gregor Mendel, Austrian pioneer in the study of heredity (Laws of Heredity, coined terms “recessiveness and dominance”)
- 1844 Rev William Archibald Spooner, London, England, priest and scholar, invented “spoonerisms”
- 1849 Emma Lazarus, New York City, New York, poet (“The New Colossus”-base of Statue of Liberty)
- 1882 Edward Hopper, Nyack, New York, painter (House by the Railroad)
- 1887 Gustav Hertz, German quantum physicist (Nobel 1925/inelastic electron collisions in gases)
- 1890 Rose Kennedy, Boston, Maine, Kennedy family matriarch
- 1893 Karl Menninger, Topeka, Kansas, psychiatrist (Dean of American Psychiatry)
- 1898 Alexander Calder, Lawnton, Pennsylvania, sculptor (Invented the mobile, a kinetic sculputre with balanced or suspended parts)
- 1898 Stephen Vincent Benet, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, writer/poet (The Devil & Daniel Webster)
- 1908 Amy Vanderbilt, NYC, authority on etiquette (Complete Book of Etiquette)
- 1914 Edward (Rolke) Farber, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, pioneer in electronic lighting (inventor of flash for cameras)
- 1923 Robert Dole, Russell, Kansas, attorney and politician (Kansas Senator, Gerald Ford’s running mate in 1976 presidential election, Republican nominee in presidential election 1996)
- 1928 Orson Bean, Burlington, Vermont, actor/comedian (I’ve Got a Secret, To Tell the Truth)
- 1934 Louise Fletcher, Birmingham, Alabama, actress (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Picket Fences, DS9: Kai Winn Adami)
- 1936 Tom Robbins, Blowing Rock NC, author (Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Another Roadside Attraction)
- 1940 Alex Trebek, Sudbury, Ontario, Canada, TV game host (High Rollers, Jeopardy)
- 1946 Danny Glover, San Francisco, California, actor (Lonesome Dove, Predator 2, Lethal Weapon, The Prince of Egypt, Fallen Angel)
- 1955 William Dafoe, Appleton, Wisconsin, actor (Platoon, Roadhouse 66, Mississippi Burning)
- 1965 Patrick Laborteaux, Los Angeles, California, actor (Albert-Little House on Prairie, JAG)
- 1967 Irene Bedard, Anchorage, Alaska, actress (Lakota Woman: Siege at Wounded Knee, Pocahontas, Into the West, Greasewood Flat)
- 1972 Colin Ferguson, Montreal, Quebec, Canada, actor (Eureka, HypaSpace, Lake Placid 3)
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
If you wish me to weep, you must mourn first yourself. – Horace
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1686 Albany, New York is formally chartered as a municipality by Governor Thomas Dongan.
- 1706 The Acts of Union 1707 are agreed upon by commissioners from the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Scotland, which, when passed by each countries’ Parliaments, lead to the creation of the Kingdom of Great Britain.
- 1796 Surveyors of the Connecticut Land Company name an area in Ohio “Cleveland” after Gen. Moses Cleaveland, the superintendent of the surveying party.
- 1916 In San Francisco, California, a bomb explodes on Market Street during a Preparedness Day parade killing 10 and injuring 40.
- 1933 Wiley Post becomes the first person to fly solo around the world traveling 15,596 miles (25,099 km) in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes.
- 1934 Outside Chicago’s Biograph Theater, “Public Enemy No. 1″ John Dillinger is mortally wounded by FBI agents.
- 1937 New Deal: the United States Senate votes down President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court of the United States.
- 1942 The United States government begins compulsory civilian gasoline rationing due to the wartime demands.
- 1942 Holocaust: the systematic deportation of Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto begins.
- 1952 Patent for “Self-propelled srpinkling irrigating apparatus” to water large circles of crops issued to Frank L. Zyback of Strasburg, Colorado.
- 1983 First solo helicopter flight around the world completed by Dick Smith.
- 1989 Tony Aliengena became youngest pilot to complete flight around the workd at age 11 years.
- 2003 Members of 101st Airborne of the United States, aided by Special Forces, attack a compound in Iraq, killing Saddam Hussein’s sons Uday and Qusay, along with Mustapha Hussein, Qusay’s 14-year old son, and a bodyguard.
- 2005 Jean Charles de Menezes is killed by police as the hunt begins for the London Bombers responsible for the 7 July 2005 London bombings and the 21 July 2005 London bombings.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
I took my mother to the fair. She wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but that’s not my speed. So she went on the ride by herself.
In the middle of her ride, the wheel malfunctioned. I watched as Mom was thrown out of the gondola and landed in a heap at my feet.
I said, “Are you hurt?”
“Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Two guys owned a store that had been burglarized several times in the past year, so they decided to get a guard dog. One of the guys went to a pet store whose sign boasted, “The Best Guard Dogs Money Can Buy.” At the store he was disappointed because all
the dogs he could see were Pekingese.
“Excuse me,” he said to the pet store clerk, “the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?”
Pointing to the Pekingese, the clerk said, “These are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate.”
“Karate?! No way.”
“I’ll show you.” He took one of the Pekingese out and placed a brick near it. The dog stood absolutely still. The clerk commanded, “Karate, brick!”
The little dog performed a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half.
“May I try?”
“Certainly. Here. Use this board.”
“Karate, board!”
Once again, the dog chopped the board in half.
The guy bought the dog and brought it back to his store to show his partner.
“What are you? Nuts! A little dog like that isn’t going to be able to stop a burglar!”
“But, he is a trained guard dog.”
“Yeah, sure!”
“He knows karate!!”
With a sneer the partner retorted, “Karate, my foot!”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
ONE-LINERS : Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet”, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.
Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That’s what they’re for.
Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you’re right.
Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.
And perhaps, the best one for last…
Pilot:. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A lawyer was on vacation when his sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? His companions on land watched in amazement as he started to swim to shore. Then they were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins — great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer!
The sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins and escorted him safely to the beach.
His companions asked him, “How did you ever manage that?!?”
“Professional courtesy.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
pic of the day: Guinea Fowl Hen with baby Keet
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Discussing the environment with his friend, Dewey asked, “Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?”
“The taxpayer,” replied his friend.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul’s house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him
“Peter won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Paul to Liz, his wife, “Watch this.”
“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your hedge trimmer this morning?” asked Paul the neighbour.
“Crikey, I’m terribly sorry,” said Paul with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”
“In that case,” smiled Peter, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
There was once a herd of llamas that lived next to a herd of cows, separated only by a small fence. The cows would trick the young llamas into coming over near the fence, then when they got close enough, they would grab them and pull them over to their side. At that point, they would kick the llama around, using him like a soccer ball.
Moral: Llamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cow toys.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I assumed that most French would speak English. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.
“No,” I admitted.
“Then that explains,” she said, “why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
EARLY IN MY TRAINING as a pilot at Reese Air Force Base, Texas, I tried to impress an instructor with my knowledge of aerodynamics. He interrupted me with a seasoned pilot’s explanation: “Push forward on the stick, and the houses get bigger. Pull back, and the houses get smaller. Keep pulling back, and the houses get big again.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Do you have hammock at home?
The use of hammocks range was from a pure recreational item at a beach resort to practical sleeping device that provides a full night’s rest to local residents of subtropical and tropical regions. It was introduced to Europe by Christopher Columbus, who acquired the novel item from the New World.
Many use this as a sleeping area. Even though hammocks are often pictured hanging between two trees, this sleeping sling is often used indoors in many parts of Latin America as a regular bed. Hammocks provide protection from crawling insects. They also safeguard also fungal infections that can occur in areas of high humidity.
Naval vessels also utilized this as a place for the crew to sleep. The advantage of a hammock is that it can easily be folded and hung from a hook when not in use.
It’s made from many different materials including fiber, rope, leather, canvas and plastic. Cotton hammocks are thought to be the most comfortable because they stretch slightly with the weight of a sleeper. One hammock only accommodates one or two people.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
LIFE LESSON: Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans- John Lennon
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few. – Shunryu Suzuki
Related Posts :
No related posts.