Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. – Maria Robinson quotes
FOR TODAY – SEPTEMBER 12th – MONDAY
255th day of 2010 with 110 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Chocolate Milk Shake Day
*National Video Games Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1812 Richard Hoe, New York City, New York, inventor and industrialist (designed an improved printing press)
- 1818 Richard Gatling, Como, North Carolina, American firearms inventor, best known for his invention of the Gatling gun, the first successful machine gun
- 1880 Henry Louis “H.L.” Mencken, Baltimore, Maryland, journalist (Sage of Baltimore), author of The American Language
- 1897 Irene Joliot-Curie, Paris, France, French physicist (discovered of artificial radioactivity)
- 1913 Jesse Owens, Oakville, Alabama, track and field athlete (won 4 gold medals in 1936 Summer Olympics)
- 1914 Desmond Llewelyn, Welsh actor (Q in 17 of the James Bond movies)
- 1931 Ian Holm, British actor (Chariots of Fire, Alien, The Fifth Element, Bilbo / The Lord of the Rings)
- 1931 George Jones, Saratoga, Texas, country music singer
- 1938 Tatiana Troyanos, New York City, American mezzo-soprano
- 1940 Linda Gray, Santa Monica, California, actress (Sue Ellen Ewing / Dallas)
- 1956 Ricky Rudd, Norfolk County, Virginia, retired NASCAR driver (holds record for most consecutive starts, 788)
- 1966 Darren E. Burrows, Winfield, Kansas, actor (Cry-Baby, Amistad, Sunset Strip, Forty Shades of Blue )
- 1974 Jennifer Nettles, Douglas, Georgia, country singer (Sugarland)
- 1976 Bizzy Bone, Columbus, Ohio, United States, rapper, (Bone Thugs-N-Harmony)
- 1977 James McCartney, London, England, British musician, son of Paul McCartney
- 1978 Benjamin McKenzie, Austin, Texas, American actor (The O.C. ,Southland )
- 1978 Ruben Studdard, Frankfurt am Main, Germany, American singer (second season of American Idol )
- 1981 Jennifer Hudson, Chicago, Illinois, U.S., American actress and singer (Dreamgirls )
- 1986 Emmy Rossum, New York City, New York, American actress and singer (Songcatcher, An American Rhapsody, Passionada )
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All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out. – Albert Camus
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1609 Henry Hudson begins his exploration of the Hudson River while aboard the Halve Maen.
- 1683 Austro-Ottoman War: Battle of Vienna – several European armies join forces to defeat the Ottoman Empire.
- 1814 Battle of North Point: an American detachment halts the British land advance to Baltimore in the War of 1812.
- 1857 The SS Central America sinks about 160 miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, drowning a total of 426 passengers and crew, including Captain William Lewis Herndon. The ship was carrying 13–15 tons of gold from the San Francisco Gold Rush.
- 1919 Adolf Hitler joins the German Workers Party.
- 1948 Invasion of the State of Hyderabad by the Indian Army on the day after the Pakistani leader Jinnah’s death.
- 1952 Strange occurrences, including a monster sighting, take place in Flatwoods, West Virginia.
- 1966 Gemini 11, the penultimate mission of NASA’s Gemini program, and the current human altitude record holder (except for the Apollo lunar missions)
- 1992 NASA launches Space Shuttle Endeavour on STS-47 which marked the 50th shuttle mission. On board are Mae Carol Jemison, the first African-American woman in space, Mamoru Mohri, the first Japanese citizen to fly in a US spaceship, and Mark Lee and Jan Davis, the first married couple in space.
- 2005 Hong Kong Disneyland opens in Penny’s Bay, Lantau Island, Hong Kong.
- 2007 Former Philippine President Joseph Estrada is convicted of the crime of plunder.
- 2008 The 2008 Chatsworth train collision in Los Angeles between a Metrolink commuter train and a Union Pacific freight train kills 25 people.
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Early one morning a stranger pulled up to the gas station in his convertible, and on the back seat were standing three penguins.
The cashier saw the penguins in the car, and when the man came in to pay she asked him what he was doing with the three penguins.
“I don’t know what to do with them,” said the man. “I’ve just been driving around with them in the back seat all week.”
“Why don’t you take them to the zoo?” said the cashier.
“Why, that’s a great idea! I’ll take them there right away!
A few days later, the same man pulls up in his convertible, and he still has those three penguins standing on his back seat!
“I thought you were going to take those penguins to the zoo,” said the cashier.
“Oh, I did, and we had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach!”
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Bar jokes/pun . . .
So a dyslexic walks into a bra . . .
A cowboy walks into a bar, dressed entirely in paper. Wasn’t long before he was arrested for rustling.
A guy walks out of a bar on the moon, complaining “The drinks were OK but there is no atmosphere.”
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ONE-LINERS :
~ A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.
~ A penny saved is just another thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser.
~ A person who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
~ A smart man only believes half of what he hears. A wise man knows which half. ~ Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.
~ A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with bricks others have thrown at him.
~ A veteran is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount up to and including their life.
~ Age is an awfully high price to pay for maturity.
~ All general statements are false, except this one.
~ All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.
~ You can say what you want about the South, But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North.
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A blond, brunette, and red-head were all stranded on an island. Suddenly one day a genie appeared and said that all three had one wish. The red-head wished to go home.
The brunette wished to go home too.
Finally the blond was all alone next to make her wish. The blond started to cry and said “I wish my two friends were back here with me!”
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pic of the day: Bumper Sticker Humor..
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A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh .. I know what you’ve been doing.”
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A little TOO frugal???
A Tightwad Contest in Oakland has been won by a retired welder who separates two-ply toilet paper to save money.
“It’s no trouble at all; it just takes a little practice,” said Luis Torres, 64, who won top honors in a “How Cheap Are You?” contest sponsored by the Oakland Tribune. He also buys generic groceries and day-old baked goods, reuses plastic bags and never tosses out soap slivers. “I always did things to save money,” said Torres, who attributes his frugal ways to growing up with 14 siblings.
Runners-up included a Berkeley couple who said they save dental floss on a bathroom hook for reuse, and a Richmond man who claimed he refreezes used ice cubes. (One couple said they collect 2-for-1 coupons to restaurants and then invite another couple. “We make them pay for their half, and we dine free,” they wrote.) And from Elmer Hurren in El Cerrito came this admission: When his vacuum cleaner bag fills, Hurren cuts one end, empties it and sews it up for reuse.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘no, the steaks are too high.’
~A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
~I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
~Question: How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America? Answer: With the Discover Card.
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Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun…
“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.
“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.
“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
“This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.
“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.
“Who would want to steal modern art?” asked Tom abstractedly.
“Now I can chop down that tree,” said Tom with a heavy accent.
“Let’s all play an A, a C sharp, and an E,” cried Tom’s band with one accord.
“I gave the donkey some vinegar,” said Tom acidly.
“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.
“They are not answering – we’d better try the knocker,” said Tom adoringly.
“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.
“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.
“There’s no need for silence,” Tom allowed.
“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.
“These are the propulsion systems used by NASA for the moonshots,” said Tom apologetically.
“My investments are worth more every day,” said Tom appreciatively.
“I’ll take that,” said Tom appropriately.
“It’s between my sole and my heel,” said Tom archly.
“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.
“The cheque is in the post,” Tom assented.
“This boat is leaking,” said Tom balefully.
“Give me a haircut,” Tom said barbarously.
“I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.
“I have to keep this fire alight,” Tom bellowed.
“I don’t think it deserves a 10,” Tom said beratingly.
“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.
“” said Tom blankly.
“Sure I can climb cliffs!” Tom bluffed.
“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.
“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.
“I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.
“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.
“I fought with Geronimo,” said Tom bravely.
“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.
“Use your own toothbrush!” Tom bristled.
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Tonya Harding donned her ice skates and competed again this week after five years.
Asked why she is returning to competition after such a long layoff, Tonya said she just felt like taking another whack at it.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: DAIRY products trivia
~Pasteurization protects the purity and flavors of milk – discovered by scientist Louis Pasteur on 1856
~Milk is sometimes called nature’s most nearly perfect food. It’s the best sources of calcium; about 72% of the calcium in the U.S. food supply comes from dairy foods like milk, yogurt, and cheese.
~These foods also provide protein and several other important nutrients.
~U.S. cows give an average of 6-1/2 gallons of milk per day. That’s over 100 glasses of milk — enough for 33 children to have 3 glasses each day!
~Milk remains fresh for 7-10 days after the expiration date if refrigerated at 35-40°F.
~People crave cheese more than any other food.
~June is dairy month.
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LIFE LESSON: One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to. – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Life is something that everyone should try at least once. – Henry J. Tillman
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