To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. – Robert Muller
FOR TODAY – SEPTEMBER 19th – MONDAY
262nd day of 2011 with103 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*International Talk Like A Pirate Day
*National Butterscotch Pudding Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1749 Jean Baptiste Joseph Delambre, Amiens , French mathematician (director of the Paris Observatory, and author of well-known books on the history of astronomy from ancient times to the 18th century)
- 1900 Ricardo Cortez, New York City, New York, American actor (Montana Moon, The Maltese Falcon, The Big Shakedown)
- 1910 Jack Dunham, Bismarck, North Dakota, American animator and television producer (worked for Walt Disney Animation Studios and Walter Lantz Productions)
- 1910 Margaret Lindsay, Dubuque, Iowa, actress (Jezebel, Scarlet Street, The House of the Seven Gables, Ellery Queen series)
- 1911 William Golding, Cornwall, UK, author / poet / playwright (Lord of the Flies, Rites of Passage)
- 1922 Damon Knight, Baker, Oregon, science fiction author / editor (To Serve Man, Beyond the Barrier, Mind Switch, CV, The Observers)
- 1926 James Lipton, Detroit, Michigan, American actor, writer and host of Inside the Actors Studio
- 1928 Adam West, Walla Walla, Washington, American actor (Batman TV series , The Fairly OddParents, Family Guy )
- 1933 David McCallum, Jr., Glasgow, Scotland, actor / musician (Illya Kuryakin / The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Dr. Donald “Ducky” Mallard / NCIS)
- 1934 Brian Epstein, Liverpool, England, UK, English musical group manager (The Beatles)
- 1940 Paul Williams, Omaha, Nebraska, American composer (Three Dog Night’s “An Old Fashioned Love Song”, Helen Reddy’s “You and Me Against the World”, and the Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun” and “Rainy Days and Mondays )
- 1941 Mama Cass Elliot, Baltimore, Maryland, singer (The Mamas & the Papas)
- 1949 Twiggy (Lesley Hawson), London, England, model / singer – The Face of 1966 (America’s Next Top Model)
- 1960 Mario Batali, Seattle, Washington, chef / writer / media personality (Iron Chef America, Mediterranean Mario)
- 1964 Trisha Yearwood, Monticello, Georgia, U.S., American singer (She’s in Love with the Boy )
- 1974 Jimmy Fallon, Jr., Brooklyn, New York, actor / comedian (Saturday Night Live, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)
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What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness. – Baruch Spinoza
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1778 The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States.
- 1796 George Washington’s farewell address is printed across America as an open letter to the public.
- 1862 American Civil War: Battle of Iuka – Union troops under General William Rosecrans defeat a Confederate force commanded by General Sterling Price.
- 1863 American Civil War: Battle of Chickamauga.
- 1881 U.S. President James A. Garfield dies of wounds suffered in a July 2 shooting.
- 1952 The United States bars Charlie Chaplin from re-entering the country after a trip to England.
- 1957 First American underground nuclear bomb test.
- 1959 Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland.
- 1961 Betty and Barney Hill claim that they saw a mysterious craft in the sky and that it tried to abduct them.
- 1970 The first Glastonbury Festival is held at Michael Eavis’s farm in Glastonbury, United Kingdom.
- 1995 The Washington Post and The New York Times publish the Unabomber’s manifesto.
- 1997 Guelb El-Kebir massacre in Algeria; 53 killed.
- 2006 The Thai military stages a coup in Bangkok. The Constitution is revoked and martial law is declared.
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Little Sammy was studying Torah for his Bar Mitzvah and was asked what he had learned in Hebrew school one day. ‘Well, momma, the rabbi told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.’
‘When they got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the Jews walked across safely. Then the Egyptians followed and Moses used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for air cover. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge, drown the Egyptians, and the Israelites were saved.’
‘Now, Sammy, is that really what the rabbi taught you?’ his mother asked.
‘Well, no, momma, but if I told it the way the rabbi did, you’d never believe it!’
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I was once with a tour group visiting the UK. As we filed past the immigration officer (at Heathrow), each one showed his passport, was asked why (s)he was visiting ["Well sir, I'm with this group that is visiting your lovely ..."], and got a one-week tourist visa stamp.
When it was my turn, I said I was going to topple the oppressive government and the entire class system, teach everyone to cook like the French, and free the masses from their servitude, but since I didn’t want to stay and experience the ensuing chaos, I might as well get a tourist visa too.
He said, “Normally I’d tell you such a job is rather a large undertaking, and stamp you for two weeks, but I suspect you’re kidding,” and gave me the same stamp as the rest.
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ONE-LINERS : Top 10 causes of death at the computer
10.) CD’s were used for a game of frisbee and were found to be too sharp for this purpose.
9.) Died of old age while waiting for a webpage to load.
8.) Died of starvation while waiting for online-ordered meal to arrive.
7.) Went mad trying to understand computer manual.
6.) Computer exploded due to overload of spam and junk mail.
5.) Died of poverty after making the mistake of trying to keep their computer up-to-date.
4.) Bought a mega-hyper-gigaforcep-gerpatologicatron and were never seen again.
3.) Attempted to wire up everything in their house and died of severe burns while trying to flush the toilet.
2.) Tried to design a computer mouse that resembled a real mouse (ate cheese, ran around, squeeked and bit) and died in the process of varied causes.
And the number one cause of death at the computer…..
1.) Commited suicide with frustration after trying to make sense of Windows and IE.
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February 8, 2010
Toyota Unveils New Slogan: “Drive a Toyota. You’ll Never Stop.”
Hopes to Reverse Public Relations Setbacks
TOKYO (AP) – Hoping to reverse a series of public relations setbacks, Toyota today unveiled a new slogan, “Drive a Toyota. You’ll Never Stop.”
Company spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke said that the slogan was chosen after the company considered several others, including “Toyota Puts the Pedal to the Metal. And Keeps it There.”
Mr. Kyosuke said that the company considered, but then abandoned, the slogan, “Toyota. The Last Car You’ll Ever Drive.”
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In court because I drove through a red light, I told the judge that I was a schoolteacher, and asked that my case to be heard immediately so I could get back to my class.
A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye. “Madam, I”ve waited years to have a teacher in this court,” he said. “Now sit down at that table and write, ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times.”
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
~The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, “Did you get my drift?”
~Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant’s fingers.
~Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
~When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
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A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.
“This train doesn’t stop at Victoria, it’s the express.”
“You are joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria!”
“Sorry sir. This train will not stop at Victoria.”
“There must be something you can do.”
“Well there is one thing …”
“What? anything! I need to get off!”
“Well, I’ll get the driver to slow down and I’ll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform.”
“My God! Will that work?”
“It’s worth a try.”
The train approaches the platform at 50 mph. The ticket collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running! The man is running in mid-air.
“Run faster! Run faster!” The ticket collector lowers the man down.
The man’s feet touch the platform! Smoke flies of his shoes and his heel comes off. The man is running for his life!
The ticket collector lets go. The man is running at 30mph!
He’s made it! he begins to slow down. He’s still running at 20mph alongside the train as the other passengers watch in amazement. As the last carriage goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts him back onto the train.
As he’s being pulled into the carriage, he hears a voice say …”You’re lucky I was here to help! This train doesn’t even stop at Victoria!”
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One day a women was having a baby, and she asked the doctor “What can you do for the pain, for I’ve heard having a baby hurts a lot.”, then the doctor told her he had a option for her. She could transmit some of her pain to the father of the baby, so the women and her husband agreed to give it a try.
So the doctor tried giving the husband 25% of the pain, and he felt no effect, so the doctor and the couple decided to give the husband 50% of the pain instead. Well, he still felt no pain, so the doctor increased it to 100% of the pain.
In the end of the birth, the baby was crying, the mother relived to have no pain and the husband had felt no pain at all. In the next few days, they all came home from the hospital and found the mailman dead on the porch!
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Want to be a PIRATE?
If you’re going to dress up like a pirate innthis very day, it’s okay. But, be sure to now how to talk like a pirate.Nothing will ruin your image more easily than just adding the stereotypical “Arrrrr!” to the end of every sentence.
Here’s how to be a pirate:
~Growl – and scowl often.
~Use pirate lingo.
~Gesture with your hands frequently.
~Slur your words together.
~Never use “you” or “you’re” – ever.
~Embellish at will.
~Refer to yourself as “me” at all times, never “I.”
~More importantly, substitute “me” for “my” For example, don’t say, “Look at my new sword,” say “Lookit me new sword
~Mutter unintelligibly unless yelling.
~Be as loud as humanly possible.
~Get a stuffed toy parrot and sew feet to right shoulder of a second hand store jacket.
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LIFE LESSON: Life is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to self-actualize. Happiness is experienced largely in striving towards a goal, not in having attained things, because our nature is always to want to go on to the next endeavor. – Albert Ellis, Michael Abrams, Lidia Dengelegi, The Art & Science of Rational Eating, 1992
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Children are natural mimics: they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more. – David Steindl-Rast
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