Jokes and Trivia for October 4, 2011

Your life is what your thoughts make it. – Marcus Aurelius

FOR TODAY – OCTOBER 4th – TUESDAY

277th day of 2011 with 88 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Golf Day

*National Frappe Day

*National Taco Day

*National Vodka Day

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

1822 Rutherford B Hayes, Delaware, Ohio, (R) 19th president (1877-81)
1861 Frederic Remington, Canton, New York, painter , specialized in depictions of the Old American West, specifically concentrating on the last quarter of the 19th century American West and images of cowboys, American Indians, and the U.S. Cavalry
1890 Dr. Alan L. Hart, Halls Summit, Coffey County, Kansas, first known American female to male transsexual (SRS in 1917), radiologist, tuberculosis researcher, writer and novelist
1895 Buster Keaton, Piqua, Kansas, comedian (“The Great Stone Face”)
1903 John Vincent Atanasoff, Hamilton, New York, computer pioneer
1916 Vitaly Ginzburg, Moscow, Russian Empire, physicist, known for Plasmas, superfluidity
1916 Jan Murray, The Bronx, New York City, comedian (A Man Called Dagger, Thunder Alley, Tarzan and the Great River, Which Way to the Front?)
1918 Kenichi Fukui, Nara City, Japan, chemist, Known for orbitals in chemical reactions
1923 Charlton Heston, Evanston, Illinois, actor (Ben Hur, 10 Commandments, Planet of the Apes)
1938 Kurt Wüthrich, Aarberg, Switzerland, chemist, nuclear magnetic resonance spectroscopy for determining the three-dimensional structure of biological macromolecules in solution
1941 Anne Rice, New Orleans, Louisiana, writer (Vampire Chronicles; Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt)
1942 Karl W. Richter, Vietnam, American aviator, youngest pilot in that conflict to shoot down a MiG in air-to-air combat.
1946 Susan Sarandon, New York City, New York, actress (Dead Man Walking, Thelma & Louise, Children of Dune)
1949 Armand Assante, New York City, New York, actor (The Odyssey, Jack the Ripper, Judge Dredd)
1980 Sarah Fisher, Columbus, Ohio, race car driver (IndyCar series)
1989 Kimberly Claire “Kimmie” Meissner, figure skater (2006 World Champion, 2007 U.S champion, and 2007 Four Continents Champion)

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Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. – Julia Child

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

1537 The first complete English-language Bible (the Matthew Bible) is printed, with translations by William Tyndale and Miles Coverdale.
1876 Texas A&M University opens as the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas, becoming the first public institution of higher education in Texas.
1883 First run of the Orient Express.
1883 First meeting of the Boys’ Brigade in Glasgow, Scotland.
1895 The first U.S. Open Men’s Golf Championship administered by the United States Golf Association is played at the Newport Country Club in Newport, Rhode Island.
1931 The comic strip Dick Tracy by Chester Gould debuts.
1950 Snoopy’s first appearance in Peanuts comic strip.
1957 The CBS television show Leave it to Beaver debuts, starring Jerry Mathers as Beaver.
1957 USSR launches Sputnik I, the 1st artificial Earth satellite.
1965 Becoming the first Pope to ever visit the United States of America and the Western hemisphere, Pope Paul VI arrives in New York.
1976 Official launch of the Intercity 125 High Speed Train (HST).
1983 Richard Noble sets a new land speed record of 633.468 mph (1,019 km/h), driving Thrust 2 at the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.
1985 Free Software Foundation is founded in Massachusetts, United States.
1991 The Protocol on Environmental Protection to the Antarctic Treaty is opened for signature.
1997 The second largest cash robbery in U.S. history occurs at the Charlotte, North Carolina office of Loomis, Fargo and Company. An FBI investigation eventually results in 24 convictions and the recovery of approximately 95% of the $17.3 million in cash which had been taken.
2004 SpaceShipOne wins Ansari X Prize for private spaceflight by being first private craft to fly in space.

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Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: ‘Young man. Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.’

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says ‘Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?

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There were 2 blondes standing on opposite sides of a lake . One blonde yells across to the other “Hey how do you get to the other side!?”

The other blonde yells back “You ARE on the other side!!!!”

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ONE-LINERS: Alternate/rejected titles for the movie Twister:

*Totally Gone With The Wind
*Boys On The Side… Of My Barn
*The Weather Channel: The Movie
*Schindler’s Twist
*Field of Debris
*Dead Man Flying
*One House Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
*The Splintered Bridges of Madison County
*Wizard of Oz II:The Search For Toto
*Killer Genuine Draft
*Four Weddings and a Funnel
*Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom
*A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Farm
*Roofless in Seattle

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Well the other day I walked into a bakery and there were two doughnuts, a big one and a little one. I picked up the big donut and this women goes, “Hey don’t be greedy you shouldn’t have that big doughnut all to yourself!”

So I replied, “Well I’m at the front of the queue! Anyway which one would you have chosen?”

The women said “The little one, of course!”

And I answered: “So what are you moaning for, I left it for you!”

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pic of the day: Smoky Mountains in Tennessee

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Sort of punny. . .

Two men are sitting in the doctor’s office.

The first man is holding his shoulder in pain, while the second has ketchup in his hair, fried egg down the front of his shirt and two sausages sticking out of his pockets.

After a while, the second man asks the other what happened.

“My cat got stuck in a tree,” the man says, gripping his arm. “I went up after him and fell out. I think I’ve broken my shoulder. You?”

“Oh, it’s nothing serious,” the second man replies. “I’m just not eating properly.”

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Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close to them.

‘Oh! That doesn’t sound good,’ one says to the other.

As soon as the words were spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and said, ‘Yeah, our regular drummer is out sick.’

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One was called Justin and the other was called Christian. Life was good, except that the prawns were constantly being chased and threatened by sharks. Finally one day, Justin said to Christian, “I’m tired of being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten.”

Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted,” and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam off, afraid of being eaten up by his old friend.

Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old pals were afraid of him and swam away whenever he came near. Then one day he was out swimming and saw the mysterious cod.

“I want to be a prawn again,” said Justin. “Please change me back!” And lo and behold, the cod changed him back to a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, Justin swam to Christian’s house and knocked on the door. “It’s me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!” he shouted.

“No,” said Christian. “I’ll not be tricked. You’re a shark and you will eat me!”

Justin cried back, “No, I’m not! That was the old me. I’ve changed. I’ve found Cod, I’m a prawn again, Christian!”

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Two cannibals were sitting by a fire.
The first says, ”Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.”
The 2nd replies, ”So, try the potatoes.”

Q: Why don’t cannibals like to eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.

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A little girl was overheard speaking to her older pre-teen sister. She asked her very seriously, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet?”

The sister turned to the little girl and said, “What!?!”

The little girl repeated, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet?”

The sister said impatiently, “Of course not, what would be the point of wearing shoes if you had no feet?”

The little girl said, “Then what is the point of wearing that bra?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Taco History

~Taco in English is Sandwich.

~A taco is simply a tortilla wrapped around a filling. Like a sandwich, the filling can be made with almost anything and prepared in many different ways that can be eaten anytime of the day

~The first “taco bash” in the history of New Spain was documented by none other than Bernal Diaz del Castillo. Hernan Cortes organized this memorable banquet in Coyoacan for his captains, with pigs brought all the way from Cuba.

~The first-known English-language taco recipes appeared California Mexican-Spanish Cook Book in 1914. Bertha Haffner-Ginger, said tacos were made by putting chopped cooked beef and chili sauce in a tortilla made of meal and flour; folded, edges sealed together with egg; fried in deep fat, chile sauce served over it.

~Another book was released from Pauline Wiley-Kleemann in the year 1929. In here cookbook Ramona’s Spanish-Mexican Cookery, featured six taco and tacquito recipes. These included recipes for Gorditos that came from Santa Nita or Xochimilco, Pork Tacos composed of snout, ears, jowls, kidneys, and liver, Cream Cheese Tacos, Egg Tacos, Mexican Tacos, and Tacquitos

~There are two kinds of taco trucks; traveling trucks that cruise around neighborhoods and business areas, and non-cruising trucks parked permanently in lots.

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LIFE LESSON: Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. – Erich Fromm

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you want to dance you must pay the fiddler.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more. – David Steindl-Ras