Nothing is as far away as one minute ago. – Jim Bishop
FOR TODAY – OCTOBER 7th – FRIDAY
280th day of 2011 with 85 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Bald and Free Day
*World Smile Day
*National Frappe Day
* Bathtub Day
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1849 James Whitcomb Riley, Greenfield, Indiana, poet (Hoosier Poet)
- 1885 Niels Bohr, Copenhagen, Denmark, physicist, who made fundamental contributions to understanding atomic structure and quantum mechanics
- 1894 Del Lord, Grimsby, Ontario, Canada, American director (best known as a director of Three Stooges films)
- 1911 Vaughn Monroe, Akron, Ohio, singer (“In the Still of the Night”)
- 1927 R. D. Laing, Govanhill, Glasgow, Scotland, psychiatrist, known for Author of psychiatry books
- 1927 Al Martino, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer and actor (one of the great Italian American pop crooners and known as an actor, particularly for his role as singer Johnny Fontane in The Godfather).
- 1931 Desmond Tutu, South African archbishop and Nobel Laureate
- 1939 Harold Kroto, Wisbech, Cambridgeshire, England, chemist, known for Buckminsterfullerene
- 1939 John Hopcroft, Seattle, Washington, computer scientist, (books on compilers – Dragon Book, theory of computation – Cinderella book, & data structures are regarded as standards in their fields)
- 1948 Diane Ackerman, Waukegan, Illinois, poet, essayist & nautralist (A Natural History of the Senses)
- 1955 Yo-Yo Ma, French-born American cellist
- 1957 Michael W. Smith, Kenova, West Virgina, contemporary Christian singer
- 1967 Toni Braxton, Severn, Maryland, singer (“Un-Break My Heart”)
- 1969 Bobbie Brown, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, actress, model, best known for her appearance in the video for Warrant’s glam metal anthem “Cherry Pie.”
- 1976 Taylor Hicks, Birmingham, Alabama, musician, won the fifth season of American Idol
- 1982 Li Yundi, Chinese classical pianist (youngest pianist to win the International Frederick Chopin Piano Competition at the age of 18)
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. – Brendan Gill
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1763 George III of Great Britain issues British Royal Proclamation of 1763, closing aboriginal lands in North America north and west of Alleghenies to white settlements.
- 1777 American Revolutionary War: The Americans defeat the British in the Second Battle of Saratoga, also known as the Battle of Bemis Heights.
- 1780 American Revolutionary War: Battle of Kings Mountain American Patriot militia defeat Loyalist irregulars led by British colonel Patrick Ferguson in South Carolina.
- 1826 Granite Railway (first chartered railway in the U.S.) begins operations.
- 1868 Cornell University holds opening day ceremonies; initial student enrollment is 412, the highest at any American university to that date.
- 1949 German Democratic Republic (East Germany) formed.
- 1952 “American Bandstand” debuts on a local Philadelphia station.
- 1958 U.S. manned space-flight project renamed Project Mercury.
- 1963 John F. Kennedy signs ratification for Partial Test Ban Treaty.
- 1982 Cats opens on Broadway and runs for nearly 18 years before closing on September 10, 2000.
- 1985 The Achille Lauro is hijacked by Palestine Liberation Organization.
- 1993 The Great Flood of 1993 ends at St. Louis, Missouri, 103 days after it began, as the Mississippi River falls below flood stage.
- 2001 The U.S. invasion of Afghanistan starts with an air assault and covert operations on the ground.
- 2003 Gray Davis is recalled as Governor of California, three years before the official end of his office term. Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
There were two best friends ever. One was very religious, the other one not so. One day they got into a car accident and both of them died. The religious one went to heaven and his best friend went to hell.
Months passed by, then the one in heaven began to miss his best friend, so he asked God if he could go visit his friend in hell. God said yes, but you can only go for three days and If you are a second late you can’t get back in. He says okay and grabbed whatever he needed for three days and went to visit his friend in hell.
A month later while partying all day and night, he knocked on the heaven’s door, God opened the door and told him that he couldn’t get back into heaven because had broken the rule, he said that’s okay, I just came to get the rest of my stuff.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Two Blondes and a Brunette visit their friends house. The two blondes jump up and down at the window and scream, but no one comes to the window? What does the brunette do?
Knocks on the door!
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
ONE-LINERS : Warning Labels
The scary part is somebody must have done it before they wrote the label. . .
Ray-O-Vac batteries: “WARNING: If swallowed or lodged in ear or nose, see doctor.”
Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield Cover: “WARNING: Never drive with the cover on your windshield.”
Batman, The Animated Series Armor Set Halloween Costume box: “WARNING: Cape does not enable wearer to fly.”
TV: “WARNING: Do not pour liquids in your television.”
Silly Putty: “WARNING: Not for use as earplugs.”
Baby Carriage: “Step One: Remove baby.”
Hair Drier: “Do not use while sleeping.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. “Um … 22.”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won’t have to count, measure, or lookup. “Just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!”
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “What were you doing when I asked you your name?”
“Oh, that!” replies the airhead,” I was just running through that song, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…’.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
pic of the day: Firecracker Plant
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
The discovery of fly in the soup can mean different reponses to different diners in different countries.
In France the soup if eaten and the fly is left high and dry on the side of the plate.
In Enlgand the fly is quietly and discreetly removed and hidden under a serviette.
In Australia the soup is sent back to the kitchen, the fly is removed and the same soup returned.
In America the soup and the fly are subpoenaed as evidence for the ensuing litigation.
In Italy the diner storms into the kitchen and cuts up the chef.
In the Orient the fly is eaten first and washed down by the soup.
In Scotland the fly is wrung out and then the soup is consumed.
In Israel the bill is quickly amended. The fly is extra.
In India the diner complains; “Waiter, what’s this? Only one fly?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
THE HANDYMAN’S GUIDE
~ Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
~ Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
~ Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
~ If something looks level, it is level.
~ If what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: What do runners eat before they run????
A: Ketchup…………….. (catch up..)
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a karate expert?
A: A pork chop!
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A friend of mine in Florida is getting married in June, and it seems like he’s already getting a bit nervous about it.
The anxious bride-groom sent out announcements in February, carefully addressing all of the announcements by hand. Within a few days, he was surprised to see them all show up in *his* mailbox.
It seems the poor nervous guy had addressed every invitation with his own address… and put the recipient’s name and address where the return address should go.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes.”
The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, “She made me a much better offer.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY IN TRIVIA: How to clean bathtub?
This is how you clean the tub:
~Remove soap scum by applying regular shampoo to a soft cloth and then do the scrubbing.
~Remove buildup of hard water deposits by covering with a soft cloth saturated with white vinegar. Allow it to soak for 15 minutes, scrub it to remove deposits, and rinse.
~Use nonabrasive cleaners to prevent damage to the surface of the tub.
~For everyday use, Use all-purpose or bathroom cleaners for routine care.
~No for Ammonia. Never mix bleach with household cleaners containing ammonia, as it will create a poisonous gas that can be fatal.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
LIFE LESSON: If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. – W. Beran Wolfe
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: When you give a gift, give it away with no strings attached. – Betty Martin
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Children don’t need much advice but they really do need to be listened to and not just with half an ear. – Emma Thompson
Related Posts :
No related posts.