There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. – General Douglas MacArthur
FOR TODAY – OCTOBER 19th – WEDNESDAY
292nd day of 2011 with 73 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Evaluate Your Life Day
*National Seafood Bisque Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1862 Auguste Lumière, Besançon, inventor ( Sortie des Usines Lumière à Lyon (Workers Leaving the Lumière Factory))
- 1871 Walter Bradford Cannon, Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin, neurologist and physiologist (first to demonstrate that bismuth could be utilized as a contrast medium in the roentgenologic examination of the gastrointestinal tract).
- 1897 Salimuzzaman Siddiqui, Pakistani scientist and scholar, known for Natural products research, chemical constituents of Neem
- 1909 Marguerite Perey, Villemomble, France (near Paris), physicist, discovered the element francium by purifying samples of lanthanum that contained actinium
- 1916 Jean Dausset, Toulouse, France, immunologist, known for major histocompatibility complex, CEPH
- 1922 Jack Anderson, Long Beach, California, journalist (one of the father’s of investigative journalism)
- 1945 John Lithgow, Rochester, New York, actor (3rd Rock from the Sun, Lord Farquaad in Shrek, Pelican Brief)
- 1951 Demetrios Christodoulou, Athens, Greece, mathematical physicist (partial differential equations, general relativity,fluid mechanics)
- 1954 Deborah Blum, Urbana, Illinois, writer (The Poisoner’s Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York)
- 1960 Jennifer Holliday, Riverside, Texas, singer and actress (“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”)
- 1962 Evander Holyfield, Atmore, Alabama, boxer (multiple world champion in both the cruiserweight and heavyweight divisions)
- 1970 Chris Kattan, Sherman Oaks, California, comedian and actor (Saturday Night Live)
- 1972 Pras, Brooklyn, New York, musician (The Fugees)
- 1976 Joy Bryant, Bronx, New York, actress (Carmen: A Hip Hopera)
- 1976 Omar Gooding, Los Angeles, California, actor (Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, Smart Guy, and Playmakers)
- 1976 Desmond Harrington, Savannah, Georgia, actor (The Hole)
- 1980 Benjamin Salisbury, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (The Nanny)
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Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures. – Han Suyin
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1512 Martin Luther becomes a doctor of theology (Doctor in Biblia).
- 1781 At Yorktown, Virginia, representatives of British commander Lord Cornwallis handed over Cornwallis’ sword and formally surrendered to George Washington and the comte de Rochambeau.
- 1789 Chief Justice John Jay is sworn in as the first Chief Justice of the United States.
- 1872 In New South Wales, Australia, was found containing 82.11 kg of gold. Known as Holtermann’s Nugget, it was largest mass of reef gold ever found. More correctly, it was not a nugget, but a specimen also known as a matrix.
- 1917 The Love Field in Dallas, Texas is opened.
- 1943 Streptomycin, the first antibiotic remedy for tuberculosis, is isolated by researchers at Rutgers University.
- 1944 United States forces land in the Philippines.
- 1973 President Richard Nixon rejects an Appeals Court decision that he turn over the Watergate tapes.
- 1974 Niue becomes a self-governing colony of New Zealand.
- 1983 Maurice Bishop, Prime Minister of Grenada, is overthrown and executed in a military coup d’état led by Bernard Coard.
- 1986 Samora Machel, President of Mozambique and a prominent leader of FRELIMO, and 33 others die when their Tupolev 134 plane crashes into the Lebombo Mountains.
- 2003 Mother Teresa is beatified by Pope John Paul II.
- 2005 Saddam Hussein goes on trial in Baghdad for crimes against humanity.
- 2005 Hurricane Wilma becomes the most intense Atlantic hurricane on record with a minimum pressure of 882 mb.
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SIGNS YOUR TRAVEL AGENT HAS MISLED YOU
~ On your descent into Auckland, you catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge.
~ You’ve driven halfway around New Zealand and have yet to see a single Hobbit.
~ “Alabamastan” ain’t really a country in Eastern Europe.
~ Sun? Check. Sand? Check. Carrying an M16 while being shouted at by a drill sergeant? Uh-oh.
~ The “Transylvania” tour is nothing but a visit to a Polish union town in Ohio led by a couple of Goth chicks.
~ It turns out that Cawker City, Kansas, only has the world’s “second” largest ball of twine!
~ Snow White looks real enough, but you don’t remember the Elephant Man’s remains being part of Disneyland.
~ As you board the plane, you find the “occupied” sign is up on your “private cabin.”
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In Sunday School one morning Little Joey raised his hand and proceeded to ask a question that had perplexed him for some time.
“Mr. Goldblatt,” said little Joey, “there’s something I can’t figure out. According to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea,right?”
“Right.”
“And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”
“Er, right.”
“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”
“Again you’re right.”
“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?”
“All that is right, too,” agreed Mr. Goldblatt. “So what’s your question, Joey?”
“What were all the grown-ups doing?”
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ONE-LINERS : You know you’re from Indiana when
* You’ve never met any celebrities.
* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
* “Vacation” means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland.
* You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
* You measure distance in minutes.
* Down south to you means Kentucky.
* You know several people who have hit a deer.
* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Terre Haute.”
* Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
* You know where all the Yoders live.
* You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
* You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
* You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”
* You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.
* Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks.
* You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
* You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”
* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
* De-tassling was your first job.
* Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice.
* You say catty-wumpus and kitty-corner.
* You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
* You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
* When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, “It was different.”
* You consider being called a “Pork Queen” an honor.
* You carry jumper cables in your car.
* You drink “pop.”
* You know what “cow tipping” is.
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A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was no where in site, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: “Maybe we’d better tell him it’s a septic tank.”
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pic of the day: Bridge Day 2011 at New River Gorge, West Virginia
The Landing Site Target
Bridge Day Jumper On The Way Down
Parachuting Down
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In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”
The jury foreman replied, “Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t.”
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Golden Oldie… A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, ‘You’ve been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.’
The cats says, ‘Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.’ God says, ‘Say no more.’ And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, ‘All our lives we’ve had to run. We’ve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.’ God says, ‘Say no more.’ And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
‘How are you doing? Are you happy here?’
The cat yawns and stretches and says, ‘Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Don’t put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
Josh said, “you remind me of a pepper pot”.
I said “I’ll take that as a condiment”.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
—-
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: For a fowl reason
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DEPLOYED TO SAUDIA ARABIA during the Gulf War, I noticed that several Marines had written symbols, phrases or nicknames on their helmets. A few senior reservists put previous war-tour dates on theirs, such as “1968-70 Vietnam.”
One young Marine inscribed a date that caused double takes. His helmet read: “1972-73 Kindergarten.” – Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by SSgt. Timothy Lebeda
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SIGNS YOU’VE CHOSEN A NO-FRILLS AIRLINE
~ Instead of a Sky Cap, the pilot carries your luggage to the plane.
~ You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.
~ Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
~ The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
~ The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
~ No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: SEAFOODS
~The most popular seafoods in American restaurants are Salmon and shrimp.
~In 2001, shrimp replaced canned tuna as America’s favorite seafood overall.
~The largest private industry employer in Alaska is the seafood industry.
~Fish consumption in China is more than 3 times what it is in the United States.
~Chinese eats over 45 pounds of seafood each year.
~Only 22 percent of Americans and 19 percent of women of childbearing age ate seafood two or more times per week.
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LIFE LESSON: Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves. – Helen Keller
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration. – Thomas Edison
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Take it easy — but take it. – Woody Guthrie
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