Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. – Marcel Proust
FOR TODAY – OCTOBER 20th – THURSDAY
293rd day of 2011 with 72 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Brandied Fruit Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1616 Thomas Bartholin, Malmö, Scania, Danish physician, mathematician, and theologian (discovery of the lymphatic system in humans and advancements of the theory of refrigeration anesthesia, being the first to describe it scientifically)
- 1882 Bela Lugosi, Hungary, actor (Dracula, Plan 9 From Outer Space)
- 1891 James Chadwick, Bollington, Cheshire, England, physicist (Nobel / discovery of the neutron)
- 1913 Grandpa [Louis M] Jones, Niagara, Kentucky, banjo player, country musician (Hee-Haw)
- 1919 Tracy Hall, Ogden, Utah, inventor, first person who grew a synthetic diamond according to a reproducible, verifiable and witnessed process, using a press of his own design
- 1922 John Anderson, Clayton, Illinois, actor (Massacre Harbor)
- 1927 Joyce Brothers, New York City, New York, psychologist and advice columnist (first woman to ever be a boxing commentator)
- 1931 Mickey Mantle, Spavinaw, Oklahoma, NY Yankee, home run slugger (1956 Triple Crown/ in Hall of Fame)
- 1932 William Christopher, Evanstown, Illinois, actor (Father Mulcahy-M*A*S*H)
- 1940 Robert Pinsky, Long Branch, New Jersey, poet and Poet Laureate of the United States (Sadness and Happiness:1975, An Explanation of America :1980)
- 1946 Lewis Grizzard, Benning, Georgia, writer and humorist
- 1942 Christiane Nüsslein-Volhard, Magdeburg, Germany, biologist (Nobel / research on the genetic control of embryonic development)
- 1958 Lynn Flewelling, Maine, fantasy author (fantasy series: the Nightrunner books and Tamír Triad)
- 1971 Snoop Dogg, Los Angeles, California, rapper (debut album: Doggystyle)
- 1976 Tom Wisniewski, Dunoon, Scotland, guitarist (MxPx)
- 1977 Sam Witwer, Glenview, Illinois, actor (Battlestar Galactica, Smallville, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
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The best things carried to excess are wrong. – Charles Churchill
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1803 The United States Senate ratifies the Louisiana Purchase.
- 1818 The 49th parallel forms as border between US and Canada.
- 1906 Dr Lee DeForest demonstrated his electrical vacuum tube (radio tube).
- 1944 General Douglas MacArthur fulfills his promise to return to the Philippines when he commands an Allied assault on the islands, reclaiming them from the Japanese during the Second World War.
- 1947 The House Un-American Activities Committee begins its investigation into Communist infiltration of Hollywood, resulting in a blacklist that prevents some from working in the industry for years.
- 1947 United States of America and Pakistan establish diplomatic relations for the first time.
- 1973 “Saturday Night Massacre”: President Richard Nixon fires U.S. Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus after they refuse to fire Watergate special prosecutor Archibald Cox, who is finally fired by Robert Bork.
- 1973 The Sydney Opera House opens.
- 1976 The ferry George Prince is struck by a ship while crossing the Mississippi River between Destrehan and Luling, Louisiana. Seventy-eight passengers and crew die and only 18 people aboard the ferry survive.
- 1977 A plane carrying Lynyrd Skynyrd crashes in Mississippi, killing lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Steve Gaines along with backup singer Cassie Gaines, the road manager, pilot, and co-pilot.
- 1979 The John F. Kennedy library is opened in Boston, Massachusetts.
- 1982 During the UEFA Cup match between FC Spartak Moscow and HFC Haarlem, 66 people are crushed to death in the Luzhniki disaster.
- 1984 The Monterey Bay Aquarium opens in Monterey Bay, California.
- 1991 The Oakland Hills firestorm kills 25 and destroys 3,469 homes and apartments, causing more than $2 billion in damage.
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A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.”
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A religious farmer lost his Bible out in the field.
A few days later he went to answer a noise at his door. Standing there was a cow, with his Bible in its mouth!
The farmer raised his eyes to heaven and thanked the Lord for this miracle.
“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name was written inside.”
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ONE-LINERS : Ways to Maintain Sanity
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I won!”, “I won!”, “Third time this week!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “run for your lives, they’re loose!!”
Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
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How DRY Is It in Texas??
A buddy out of Longview said he’d killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.
A man in Lubbock said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
In Lake Palestine, they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it!
But just this week, in Bryan, a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog.
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pic of the day: Fall Color along the Potomac River in West Virginia
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Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, “Ma’am, this potato is bad.”
She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, “Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know.”
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Jimmy Piersall, on how to diaper a baby:
“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond, with you at bat.
Then, fold second-base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound.
Put first-base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.
Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call-the-game and start all over again.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.
The agents will be called “Pseudo Feds.”
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An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”
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An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work.
He looked quite concerned at one notation.
“I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn’t realize I was that bad,” he said to me apologetically. “I hope I didn’t offend anyone.”
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant “Short Of Breath” and not what he thought.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: BRANDY
~The name brandy comes from the Dutch word brandewijn, meaning “burnt wine.”
~The name is apt as most brandies are made by applying heat, originally from open flames, to wine.
~Heating a liquid to separate components with different boiling points is called heat distillation. While brandies are usually made from wine or other fermented fruit juices, it can be distilled from any liquid that contains sugar.
~The raw materials used in brandy production are liquids that contain any form of sugar.
~French brandies are made from the wine of the St. Émillion, Colombard (or Folle Blanche) grapes.
~Grapes, apples, blackberries, sugar cane, honey, milk, rice, wheat, corn, potatoes, and rye are all commonly fermented and distilled.
~During World War II, people in London made wine out of cabbage leaves and carrot peels, which they subsequently distilled to produce what must have been a truly vile form of brandy.
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LIFE LESSON: One’s first step in wisdom is to question everything – and one’s last is to come to terms with everything. – Georg C. Lichtenberg
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. – Nathaniel Hawthorn
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