There is no failure except in no longer trying. – Elbert Hubbard
FOR TODAY – NOVEMBER 1st – TUESDAY
305th day of 2011 with 60 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*All Saint’s Day / All Hallow’s Day
*National Author’s Day
*National Deep Fried Clams Day
*National Vinegar Day
*World Vegan Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1815 Crawford Williamson Long, Danielsville, Georgia, surgeon, pharmacist, pioneer (use of ether)
- 1871 Stephen Crane, Newark, New Jersey, writer (Red Badge of Courage; Maggie: A Girl of the Streets)
- 1880 Alfred Wegener, Berlin, German meteorologist and geophysicist (theory of continental drift (Kontinentalverschiebung))
- 1920 James J Kilpatrick, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, columnist (60 Minutes)
- 1923 Gordon R. Dickson, Edmonton, Alberta; sci-fi author (3 Hugo Awards; Childe Cycle, Dragon Knight Series)
- 1937 Bill Anderson, Columbia, South Carolina, country singer, songwriter (Still, From This Pen)
- 1949 Michael D. Griffin, Aberdeen, Maryland, physicist, aerospace engineer (former NASA chief administrator)
- 1950 Robert B. Laughlin, Visalia, California, physicist (fractional Quantum Hall effect)
- 1950 Dan Peek, Panama City, Florida, guitarist (America)
- 1951 Belita Moreno, Dallas, Texas, actress (George Lopez)
- 1951 Ronald Bell, Youngstown, Ohio, singer and saxophonist (Kool & the Gang)
- 1957 Lyle Lovett, Klein, Texas, country singer / actor (Cowboy Man, Desert Rose Band, Give Back My Heart)
- 1961 Calvin Johnson, Olympia, Washington, musician (Beat Happening, The Halo Benders, Dub Narcotic Sound System)
- 1962 Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids, Michigan, singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
- 1976 Logan Marshall-Green, Charleston, South Carolina, actor (Dark Blue, The O.C., 24,Traveler. )
- 1986 Penn Badgley, Baltimore, Maryland, actor (John Tucker Must Die, The Stepfather and Easy A)
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I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. – Confucius
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1512 Michelangelo’s paintings on ceiling of Sistine Chapel first exhibited.
- 1520 Strait of Magellan, passage below South America connecting Pacific and Atlantic, first navigated by Ferdinand Magellan.
- 1611 Shakespeare’s romantic comedy “The Tempest” first presented.
- 1765 The British Parliament enacts the Stamp Act on the 13 colonies in order to help pay for British military operations in North America.
- 1800 John Adams becomes the first President of the United States to live in the Executive Mansion (later renamed the White House).
- 1848 In Boston, Massachusetts, the first medical school for women, The Boston Female Medical School (which later merged with the Boston University School of Medicine), opens.
- 1861 American Civil War: US President Abraham Lincoln appoints George B. McClellan as the commander of the Union Army, replacing the aged General Winfield Scott.
- 1870 In the United States, the Weather Bureau (later renamed the National Weather Service) makes its first official meteorological forecast.
- 1886 Ananda College, a leading Buddhist school in Sri Lanka is established with 37 students.
- 1938 Seabiscuit defeats War Admiral in an upset victory during a match race deemed “the match of the century” in horse racing.
- 1939 The first rabbit born after artificial insemination is exhibited to the world.
- 1941 American photographer Ansel Adams takes a picture of a moonrise over the town of Hernandez, New Mexico that would become one of the most famous images in the history of photography.
- 1946 The New York Knicks played against the Toronto Huskies at the Maple Leaf Gardens, in the first Basketball Association of America game. The Knicks would win 68-66.
- 1951 First atomic explosion witnessed by troops in Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary.
- 1952 U.S. successfully detonates the first large hydrogen bomb, codenamed “Mike” ["M" for megaton], in the Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands in the central Pacific Ocean. The explosion had a yield of 10 megatons.
- 1955 The bombing of United Airlines Flight 629 occurs near Longmont, Colorado, killing all 39 passengers and five crew members aboard the Douglas DC-6B airliner.
- 1959 Montreal Canadians legendary goalie Jacques Plante became the first NHL goaltender to wear a hockey mask.
- 1981 Antigua and Barbuda gain independence from the United Kingdom.
- 1982 Honda becomes the first Asian automobile company to produce cars in the United States with the opening of their factory in Marysville, Ohio. The Honda Accord is the first car produced there.
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There are 3 fundamental truths about religion:
1) Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Son of God.
2) Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ.
3) Baptists don’t recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.
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OUR COLUMBIA, S.C., Army Reserve Civil Affairs Brigade was holding a joint exercise with troops from Fort Bragg, N.C. One soldier was assigned the task of finding civilian facilities in the area that could repair an armored division’s vehicles. He located three shops that were so equipped and then phoned a fourth one. Was it in fact a heavy-duty repair shop? “Yes.” Could they repair diesel engines? “Sure.” Did they work on tracked vehicles? “Yep, work on those big tractors all the time.”
Did they have a crane that could lift an M-60 main battle tank? There was silence for a moment, and then the soldier heard a shout on the other end of the line: “Hey, Joe, come listen to this nut on the telephone!”
–Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Col. Ronald T. Hillhouse
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ONE-LINERS : Ponderings for Idle Moments
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
- Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
- How come abbreviated is such a long word?
- If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
- Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
- Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
- Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
- When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
- Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
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pic of the day: Bridge Day Jumper headed for river
New River Gorge, West Virginia..
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A traveling salesman is driving down a country road when he comes across a farmer who is standing in his orchard, hoisting pigs into the apple trees with ropes. He stops.
“What are you doing?” the salesman asks.
“I’m feeding the pigs,” answers the farmer, incredulous that someone could ask a question with such an obvious answer.
“Well,” says the salesman, “why don’t you let the apples fall to the ground, gather them up in baskets, and feed the pigs that way?”
The farmer ponders, then says, “Hmmmm. Yes, I guess I could do it that way. But what would be the point?”
The salesman is a bit exasperated: “Well, it would save time, wouldn’t it?”
The farmer ponders again. “Yes,” he says after a pause, “I guess it would save time. But what’s time to a pig?”
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It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
the Methodists are using wet-wipes,
the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks,
and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on deerskin; another slept on elk skin; the third slept on the skin of a hippopotamus. All three became pregnant.Each of the first two had a baby boy. The one who slept on hippo skin had twin boys. This proves that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
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How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide in a meadow and make carrot noises.
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What’s red and not there?
No tomatoes.
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More punniness. . . A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie!”
Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, “Beautiful shirt.”
At this, the man called the bartender over.”Hey, I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender.
“I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”
“It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender. “They’re complimentary.”
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Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’ re drunk
a) Thanks, but I don’t want to go home with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight?
f) I’m not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn’t – no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CLAMS
~ Clams do actually have body parts.
~ The foot in fact is located at the front where the shells open.
~ Clams also have “systems” just as we humans do. They have a reproductive system which gives them the opportunity to procreate, a digestive system to break down food, nervous system, and a circulatory system which pumps blood through closed vessels. They are not far from being humans, right?
~ The biggest clam ever recorded was around 750 pounds in weight! It was discovered in Okinawa, Japan in 1956.
~ The oldest living clam was a quahog found near Iceland. It was estimated to be about 405 years old and could possibly have been the oldest living marine animal!
~ Do you want to know the age of the clams? Start counting the rings now! A clam’s age can be told by cutting into the shell and counting the “rings” present there.
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LIFE LESSON: Why not let people differ about their answers to the great mysteries of the Universe? Let each seek one’s own way to the highest, to one’s own sense of supreme loyalty in life, one’s ideal of life. Let each philosophy, each world-view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature and dedication. – Algernon Black
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A 5-year-old boy’s mother cautioned, “Every day, you must put on a clean pair of underwear.” By Saturday he couldn’t get his pants on.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: “Do-so” is more important than “say-so.” – Pete Seeger
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