Jokes and Trivia for November 8, 2011

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. – Japanese Proverb

FOR TODAY – NOVEMBER 8th – TUESDAY

312thday of 2011 with 53 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Cook Something Bold Day

*Dunce Day

*National Cappuccino Day

*Merchant Sailing Ship Preservation Day

*National Harvey Wallbanger Day

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

1656 Edmond Halley, Haggerston, Shoreditch, London, England, astronomer and mathematician ( best known for computing the orbit of the eponymous Halley’s comet)
1836 Milton Bradley, Vienna, Maine, lithographer and game manufacturer
1847 Bram Stoker, Dublin, Ireland, author (Dracula)
1868 Felix Hausdorff, Breslau, Germany, mathematician (one of the founders of modern topology; set theory, descriptive set theory, measure theory, function theory, and functional analysis)
1900 Margaret Mitchell, Atlanta, Georgia, author (Gone with the Wind)
1908 Martha Gellhorn, St. Louis, Missouri , writer (Travels With Myself and Another)
1922 Christiaan (Neethling) Barnard, Cape Province, Union of South Africa, surgeon (performed the world’s first human heart transplant operation)
1927 Patti Page, Claremont, Oklahoma, singer (Tennessee Waltz)
1923 Jack Kilby, Jefferson City, Missouri, electrical engineer (invented the integrated circuit)
1936 Edward G Gibson, Buffalo, New York, scientist, former astronaut (Skylab 4)
1944 Bonnie Bramlett, Alton, Illinois, singer (Delaney, Bonnie & Friends)
1947 Margaret Rhea Seddon, Murfreesboro, Tennessee, physician /former astronaut (STS 51D, STS 40, STS-58)
1948 Dale A Gardner, Fairmont, Minnesota, former USN/astronaut (STS 8, STS 51A)
1949 Bonnie Raitt, Burbank, California, singer/guitarist (Green Light, The Glow, Thing Called Love)
1961 Leif Garrett, Hollywood, California, singer / actor (Surfin’ USA, Memorize Your Number / Walking Tall, Family)
1966 Gordon Ramsay, Scotland, chef and reality television personality (Hell’s Kitchen)
1975 Tara Reid, Wyckoff, New Jersey, actress (American Pie, Alone in the Dark)
1977 Bucky Covington, Rockingham, North Carolina, entertainer (A Different World)
1981 Azura Skye, Northridge, Los Angeles, actress (Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane)

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It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation. – Roberto Benigni, in Newsweek

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

1793 In Paris, the French Revolutionary government opens the Louvre to the public as a museum.
1861 American Civil War: The “Trent Affair” – The USS San Jacinto stops the United Kingdom mail ship Trent and arrests two Confederate envoys, sparking a diplomatic crisis between the UK and US.
1889 Montana is admitted as the 41st U.S. state.
1895 Wilhelm Rontgen discovers x-rays.
1932 Franklin Delano Roosevelt is elected the 32d President of the United States defeating Herbert Hoover.
1933 US President Franklin D. Roosevelt unveils the Civil Works Administration, an organization designed to create jobs for more than 4 million of the unemployed.
1950 Korean War: United States Air Force Lt. Russell J. Brown shoots down two North Korean MiG-15s in the first jet aircraft-to-jet aircraft dogfight in history.
1960 John F. Kennedy is elected over Richard M. Nixon (youngest man elected to that office – age 43; also first Roman Catholic president).
1966 Former Massachusetts Attorney General Edward Brooke becomes the first African American elected to the United States Senate.
1966 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson signs into law an antitrust exemption allowing the National Football League to merge with the upstart American Football League.
1973 The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper together with a ransom note, convincing his father to pay 2.9 million USD.
1976 A series of earthquakes spreads panic in the city of Thessaloniki, which is evacuated.
1977 Manolis Andronikos, a Greek archaeologist and professor at the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki, discovers the tomb of Philip II of Macedon at Vergina.
1987 Remembrance Day Bombing: A Provisional IRA bomb explodes in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland during a ceremony honouring those who had died in wars involving British forces. Twelve people are killed and sixty-three wounded.
1988 George Bush (R) beats Mike Dukakis (D) for Presidency.
1994 For the first time in 40 years the United States Republican Party takes control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate in midterm congressional elections.
2002 The United Nations Security Council unanimously approves a resolution on Iraq, forcing Saddam Hussein to disarm or face “serious consequences”.
2003 The Harris Theater opens, commencing a renaissance in the Chicago performing arts community.

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My daughter came home from third grade with an assignment.
“Daddy, what kind of work do you do?”

“I write technical manuals for a large aerospace company.”

Her puzzled look told me I was not getting through. I pulled a manual from the shelf and said, “Daddy makes books like this.”

She beamed, showing she understood.

A few days later at the school’s open house, we were greeted somewhat coolly by the nun who was my daughter’s teacher. Assuming she was miffed that we had not been more active in the parents’ organization, my wife explained, “John’s current project as a technical writer leaves us little time.”

“So that’s what your husband does!” Said the nun, smiling.
“Your daughter told us he was a bookmaker.”

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Also known as “women’s intuition,” this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than the man does.

Why is this?

Back in the 70′s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle
from seemingly unconnectable pieces.

That, and they go through your stuff while you’re in the shower.

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ONE-LINERS : Funny Sports Quotes

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season, “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh, “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”

“Shaquille O’Neal [basketball] on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece, “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach, “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota, “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

Oiler coach, Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Cost why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded, “Because she is too dang ugly to kiss good-bye!”

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Recently while we were eating lunch after church one Sunday, my youngest son asked me what the highest number I had ever counted up to was.

I said I didn’t know. Then I asked him how high he has counted.

“5,372,” came the prompt reply.

“Oh,” I said. “Why did you stop there?”

“The sermon was over.”

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pic of the day: Cotton Field in northern Alabama

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Jerry Lee went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.” “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.”

“I’ll sleep on it,” said Jerry Lee.

Six months later the doctor met Jerry Lee on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those bed fears you were having?” asked the psychiatrist.

“Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money, besides which, my bartender cured me for only $10.” I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!

“Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!” Ain’t nobody can fit under there now!!

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Little Dewey was one of those holy terrors.

His dad was surprised when Dewey’s mom suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

“Do you really believe that’ll help improve his behavior?” he said.

“Well, no,” she admitted, “But it’ll spread it over a wider area.”

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

What’s small red and goes up and down?
A tomato in an elevator.

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What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
That hit the spot.

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What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska?
An optical Aleutian.

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“Good morning, class,” Miss Crabtree said to her third graders as she began the school day. “Everyone get out your homework and pass it forward please.”

The students all passed their homework forward. Miss Crabtree collected them and began looking through them.

“Little Johnny, where’s your homework?” she asked.

“The dog ate it,” Little Johnny replied.

“Oh, come on, Little Johnny!” Miss Crabtree exclaimed. “You expect me to believe that ridiculous excuse? That was being said when I was in grade school! It’s old and tired!”

“But it’s true,” Little Johnny said. “The dog did eat my homework!”

“I’m not buying it, Little Johnny,” Miss Crabtree said. “Besides, everyone knows dogs don’t eat paper!”

“Tell me about it,” Little Johnny replied. “I had to cover it in peanut butter, hold him down and force-feed it to him!”

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.
—–

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: A cup of CAPPUCCINO facts for today..

~The cappuccino was so named because the brown milk color resembled the robes worn by Capuchin monks.

~The first use of cappuccino in English is recorded in 1948 in a work about San Francisco. There is also the story line that says that the term comes from the fact that the coffee is dark, like the monk’s robe, and the cap is likened to the color of the monk’s head.

~A cappuccino is generally defined as 1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk and 1/3 frothed milk.

~In Italy it is consumed mainly early in the day for breakfast where it’s consumed with cookies, biscuits, and croissants.

~A cappuccino is in an ideal world is prepared in a ceramic coffee cup, which has far better heat retention characteristics than glass or paper.

~In the mid-1990s, cappuccino was made much more widely available to North Americans, as part of the new upscale coffee bar chains with a consciously “European” air (notably Starbucks).

~Capuccino was invented in Italy. It was first patented by a man named Luigi Bezzera in 1901. It is a derived from the Italian word “cappuccio,” which means “hood.”

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LIFE LESSON: There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. – Carl Jung

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you are not living on the edge, you take up too much room.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice. – James Callaghan