No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
FOR TODAY – DECEMBER 6th – TUESDAY
340th day of 2010 with 25 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*St. Nicholas Day
*Mitten Tree Day
*Put on your own Shoes Day
*National Gazpacho Day
*Microwave Oven Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1805 Jean Eugène Robert-Houdin, French magician (pioneer in art of illusion)
- 1863 Charles Martin Hall, Thompson, Ohio, chemist (invented an inexpensive method for producing aluminium)
- 1886 Joyce Kilmer, New Brunswick, New Jersy, journalist, poet (Trees)
- 1896 Ira Gershwin, New York City, New York, lyricist (‘S Wonderful, I Got Rhythm)
- 1898 Alfred Eisenstaedt, German-born photojournalist (picture of sailor kissing nurse / V-J Day celebration)
- 1900 Agnes Moorehead, Clinton, Massachusetts, actress (Citizen Kane, Endora onBewitched)
- 1916 Hugo Peretti, New York City, songwriter and record producer (The Lion Sleeps Tonight)
- 1918 Harold Horace Hopkins, British born inventor (endoscope, zoom lens)
- 1920 Dave Brubeck, Concord, California, pianist and composer (Take Five, This is America Charlie Brown)
- 1920 George Porter, Stainforth, near Thorne, Yorkshire, chemist (flash photolysis, light reactions of photosynthesis, hydrogen economy)
- 1924 Wally Cox, Detroit, Michigan, actor (Mr. Peepers, voice of Underdog)
- 1940 Richard Edlund, Fargo, North Dakota, special effects photographer (Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ghostbusters)
- 1948 JoBeth Williams, Houston, Texas, actress (Sybil, Stir Crazy, Poltergiest)
- 1952 Craig Newmark, Morristown, New Jersey, internet entrepreneur/ founder of the San Francisco-based website craigslist.
- 1953 Tom Hulce, Detroit, Michigan, actor (Amadeus )
- 1955 Steven Wright, Cambridge, Massachusetts, comedian (Babe: Pig in the City , Son of the Mask )
- 1956 Peter Buck, Berkeley, California, guitarist (R.E.M.)
- 1962 Janine Turner, Lincoln, Nebraska, actress (Strong Medicine)
- 1976 Lindsay Price, Arcadia, California, actress (Beverly Hills, 90210 , Eastwick)
- 1978 K. D. Aubert, Shreveport, Louisiana, actress (The Scorpion King )
- 1982 Ryan Carnes, Pittsfield, Illinois, actor (Desperate Housewives, General Hospital, Eating Out )
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Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts. – Cicero
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1768 The first edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica is published.
- 1790 The U.S. Congress moves from New York City to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
- 1849 American abolitionist Harriet Tubman escapes from slavery in Maryland.
- 1865 Thirteenth Amendment is ratified, abolishing slavery.
- 1877 The first edition of the Washington Post is published.
- 1877 Thomas Edison creates the first recording of a human voice, reciting “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
- 1884 The Washington Monument in Washington D.C. is completed.
- 1907 Coal mine explosions in Monongah, WV, kills 362 workers.
- 1922 One year to the day after the signing of the Anglo-Irish Treaty, the Irish Free State comes into existence.
- 1947 Everglades National Park in Florida is dedicated by President Harry S. Truman.
- 1973 The Twenty-fifth Amendment: The United States House of Representatives votes 387 to 35 to confirm Gerald Ford as Vice President of the United States (on November 27, the Senate confirmed him 92 to 3).
- 1998 Hugo Chávez Frías, Venezuelan military officer and politician, is elected President of Venezuela.
- 2001 The Canadian province of Newfoundland is renamed Newfoundland and Labrador.
- 2005 Several villagers are shot dead during protests in Dongzhou, China.
- 2006 NASA reveals photographs taken by Mars Global Surveyor suggesting the presence of liquid water on Mars.
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No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. I t was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally.’
On their way back ho me , a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.There, she counted the money: fifty-thousand dollars!
Andy said, ‘We’ve got to give it back.’
Sally said, ‘Finders keepers.’
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.
‘Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?’
Sally said, ‘No.’
Andy said, ‘She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.’
Sally said, ‘Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.’
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: ’Tell us the story from the beginning’
Andy said, ‘Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..’
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, ‘We’re outta here.’
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Joan went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” she said, “I’ve got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. Am I going crazy?”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink, “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those ‘Dude Ranch’ vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
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ONE-LINERS : 15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they can put a man on the moon — they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander– it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same — they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
“I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note.
“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job.
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pic of the day: Cardinal on tree stump..
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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God.
“Where have you been?”
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,
“What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
“For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there
I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,”
God continued pointing to different countries.
“This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said,”What’s that one?”
“Ah,” said God, “That’s Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There is another Washington…wait until you see the idiots I put there.”
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New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.
Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you at the FHA find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our loan?”
The loan was approved.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
How is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day?
They are both up to something.
—-
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Soup.
Soup who?
Souperman!
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A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read “$10,000 a minute.” Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone.
The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.
The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Austin, Michigan, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and got the same answer from each pastor.
Finally, he arrived in Kalispell MT. Upon entering a church in this Northern area of MT, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read “Calls: 25 cents.”
Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. “Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?”
The pastor, smiling, replied,
“Son, you’re in Montana now. This is God’s country… and it’s a local call.”
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway, and tied it to his bumper. He then tied the other end to the bike and told the rider that he would drive slow.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.
A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed ahead to the another officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.
He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a guy on a 10 speed bike yelling to pass.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: GAZPACHO
~Gazpacho is a cold raw vegetable soup from southern Spain with main ingredients – tomatoes, peppers, onions, cucumbers, garlic olive oil, and usually breadcrumbs or garlic croutons.
~The name gazpacho is of Arabic origin and meals ‘soaked bread.’
~mostly known now for being served cold, has many different influences from Greece and Rome
~Now Gazpacho has become a generic term for a cold soup that has a vegetable or fruit base or both , that has similar spices to the traditional.
~Some say the word comes from a Hebrew word Gazaz which means break into little pieces. Another story was told that it was Janet Mendel feels that it probably comes from the old Latin word “Caspa” meaning fragments or little pieces.
~Christopher Columbus probably took this soup with him on his voyages from Spain.
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LIFE LESSON: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu quotes
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you can do no good, at least do no harm. – Hippocrates
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Do, or do not. There is no try. – Yoda, from Star Wars
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