Trust one who has gone through it. – Virgil, The Aeneid
FOR TODAY – DECEMBER 8th – THURSDAY
342nd day of 2011 with 23 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Brownie Day
*Take it in the Ear Day
*Winter Flowers Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1730 Jan Ingenhousz, Breda, physician, physiologist and botanist (showed light is essential to photosynthesis)
- 1765 Eli Whitney, Westborough, Massachusetts, inventor (cotton gin)
- 1795 Peter Andreas Hansen, Tønder, Schleswig, Danish astronomer (improvement of the theories and tables of the orbits of the principal bodies in the solar system)
- 1861 William C. Durant, Boston, Massachusetts, automobile pioneer (founder of General Motors & Chevrolet)
- 1894 E.C. Segar, Chester, Illinois, cartoonist (Popeye)
- 1894 James (Grover) Thurber, Columbus, Ohio, humorist (Men, Women and Dogs)
- 1923 Rudolph Pariser, Harbin, China, American chemist, best known for his work with Robert G. Parr on the method of molecular orbital computation now known as the Pariser–Parr–Pople method
- 1925 Sammy Davis Jr., Harlem, New York, actor and singer , the only black member of Frank Sinatra’s “Rat Pack”
- 1933 Flip Wilson, [Clerow], Jersey City, New Jersey, comedian (Flip Wilson Show)
- 1936 David Carradine, Hollywood, California, actor (Kung Fu, Kill Bill, Mean Streets, Death Race)
- 1939 Sir James Galway, Belfast, Ireland, flutist (The Man with the Golden Flute, Royal Philharmonic)
- 1947 Thomas R. Cech, Chicago , chemist, main research area is that of the process of transcription in the nucleus of cells
- 1948 Luis Caffarelli, Buenos Aires, Argentina, American mathematician, considered one of the world’s leading expert in free boundary problems and nonlinear partial differential equations
- 1953 Kim Basinger, Athens, Georgia, actress (Never Say Never Again, The Natural, Batman, L.A. Confidential, Cellular)
- 1964 Teri Hatcher, Palo Alto, California, actress (Desperate Housewives, Lois and Clark, Tomorrow Never Dies)
- 1975 Kevin Harvick, Bakersfield, California, NASCAR racecar driver (#29 Chevrolet Impala)
- 1977 Ryan Newman, Southbend, Indiana, NASCAR racecar driver (#39 Chevrolet Impala)
- 1993 AnnaSophia Robb, Denver, Colorado, actress and singer (Because of Winn-Dixie , Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bridge to Terabithia, Race to Witch Mountain)
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If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves. – Thomas A. Edison
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1660 Margaret Hughes becomes the first actress to appear on an English public stage, playing the role of Desdemona in a production of Shakespeare’s play Othello.
- 1886 The American Federation of Labor is founded in Columbus, Ohio. (Later merged with CIO)
- 1953 Dwight D. Eisenhower delivers his Atoms for Peace speech.
- 1963 Pan Am Flight 214, a Boeing 707, is struck by positive lightning and crashes near Elkton, Maryland, United States, killing all 81 people on board.
- 1972 United Airlines Flight 553 crashes after aborting its landing attempt at Chicago Midway International Airport, killing 45.
- 1980 John Lennon, an English musician and peace activist, is assassinated by Mark David Chapman, a mentally unstable fan, in front of the Dakota apartment building in New York City.
- 1993 The North American Free Trade Agreement is signed into law by US President Bill Clinton.
- 1998 Eighty-one people are killed by armed groups in Algeria.
- 2002 The Caribbean Community Heads of Government meet with the Government of Cuba and declare the date to be “CARICOM-Cuba Day”—to celebrate diplomatic ties between the Caribbean Community (CARICOM) and Cuba.
- 2004 The Cuzco Declaration is signed in Cuzco, Peru, establishing the South American Community of Nations.
- 2008 Kirsty Williams is elected as Leader of the Welsh Liberal Democrats. She becomes the first female leader of a political party in Wales.
- 2010 With the second launch of the SpaceX Dragon, SpaceX becomes the first privately held company to successfully launch, orbit and recover a spacecraft.
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“Nice dog. What’s its name?” I asked my friend’s 10-year old son.
“Bob,” he said.
“And what’s your cat’s name?”
“Bob.”
“Well, how do you keep them straight?” I asked.
“Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker,” the boy answered.
“Go ahead and tell him your rabbit’s name,” his father suggested.
The kid smiled and said… “Dennis Hopper.”
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The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
“Your veal parmigiana was superb,” the customer said. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.”
“Naturally,” the chef said. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported.”
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ONE-LINERS : Working Hard at Saying Nothing
“The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city.”
“My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.”
“As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state.”
“These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he’s talking about.”
“People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on.”
“In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema.”
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The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.
The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
But what then, senor?
The American laughed and said that’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.
Millions, senor? Then what?
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
Senor, I already do that!
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pic of the day: Horses Grazing
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It was Palm Sunday, and the family’s 6-year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for.
His mother explained, “People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by.”
“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go to church, and Jesus shows up!”
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A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the heck is taking so long? Hit the darned ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Give me a break! You don’t stand a snowball’s chance of hitting her from here.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A couple hippie hangovers had a daughter who they decided to name Destiny. No one ever thought she would make anything of herself, but after high school she went through hair cutting college and was soon receiving praises far and wide for her unique and fashionable styling skills. People from all over now come in to have a brush with Destiny.
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A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”
The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman.
The results read, “Buy a television.”
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A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.
That night, he shows up at his mother’s house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.
At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, ‘OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?’
Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, ‘The one in the middle.’
The young man is astounded. ‘How in the world did you figure it out?’
‘Easy,’ she says. ‘I don’t like her.’
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: EARS
~When you go up to a high elevation, your ears pop. Ouch!
~Animals hear better than humans.
~Be extra careful with your ears. Once you’ve lost your hearing it’s gone!
~The malleus, incus and stapes (otherwise known as the hammer, anvil and stirrup) are the smallest bones in the human body and are full size at birth. All three together could fit on a penny.
~The whole area of the middle ear is no bigger than an M&M. It just too small! 
~The cochlea (inner ear) is about the size of a pencil eraser.
~The ear never stops working, even when people are asleep. The ear continues to hear sounds, but the brain shuts them out.
~Chuck Yeager was the first American pilot to travel faster than the speed of sound.
~In Africa, a tribe of people call Maabans live in such quiet that they can hear a whisper from across a baseball field ‹ even when they are very old.
~More than 28 million Americans have a hearing loss.
~One of every 1,000 infants is born totally deaf.
~ WARNING: Sitting in front of the speakers at a rock concert can expose a person to 120 dB, which will begin to damage hearing in only 7-1/2 minutes.
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LIFE LESSON: If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. – Bill Clinton
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I’ve been on a calendar, but I have never been on time. – Marilyn Monroe
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: People of little understanding are most apt to be angry when their sense is called into question. – Samuel Richardson
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