Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night. – Charles M. Schulz
FOR TODAY – OCTOBER 13th – TUESDAY
347th day of 2011 with 18 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Ice Cream Day
*Violin Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1724 Franz Aepinus, Rostock, Mecklenburg-Schwerin, scientist , best known for his researches, theoretical and experimental, in electricity and magnetism
- 1816 Ernst Werner von Siemens, Lenthe, engineer, inventor, and industrialist (the founder of the electrical and telecommunications company Siemens)
- 1867 Kristian Birkeland, Christiania, Kingdom of Norway, explorer and scientist (best remembered as the person who first elucidated the nature of the Aurora borealis; he invented the electromagnetic cannon and the Birkeland-Eyde process of fixing nitrogen from the air )
- 1923 Philip Warren Anderson, Indianapolis, Indiana, physicist, made contributions to the theories of localization, antiferromagnetism and high-temperature superconductivity
- 1949 Randy Owen, Fort Payne, Alabama, country singer and guitarist (Alabama)
- 1953 Jim Davidson, Kidbrooke, London, England, United Kingdom, British comedian
- 1957 Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn, New York, actor (New York Stories, Mystery Train, Reservoir Dogs, Desperado, Con Air, Armageddon, The Grey Zone, Ghost World )
- 1957 Morris Day, Minneapolis, Minnesota, singer (The Time)
- 1967 Jamie Foxx, Terrell, Texas, actor and singer (Best Night of My Life and Intuition.)
- 1973 Christie Clark, Los Angeles, California, actress (Days of our Lives)
- 1981 Amy Lee, Los Angeles, California singer/songwriter (Evanescence)
- 1989 Taylor Swift, Reading, Pennsylvania, American singer
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Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. – Ann Lander
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1636 The Massachusetts Bay Colony organizes three militia regiments to defend the colony against the Pequot Indians. This organization is recognized today as the founding of the United States National Guard.
- 1937 Nanjing Massacre. Japanese troops begin carrying out several weeks of raping and killing of civilians and suspected Chinese resistance after the fall of Nanjing.
- 1938 The Holocaust: The Neuengamme concentration camp opens in the Bergedorf district of Hamburg, Germany.
- 1939 World War II: Battle of the River Plate – Captain Hans Langsdorff of the German Deutschland class cruiser (pocket battleship) Admiral Graf Spee engages with Royal Navy cruisers HMS Exeter, HMS Ajax and HMNZS Achilles.
- 1962 NASA “Relay 1″ launch, first active repeater communications satellite in orbit.
- 1967 Constantine II of Greece attempts an unsuccessful counter-coup against the Regime of the Colonels
- 1968 Brazilian president Artur da Costa e Silva decrees the AI-5 (or the fifth Institutional Act), which lasts until 1978 and marks the beginning of the hard times of Brazilian military dictatorship.
- 1972 Apollo program: Eugene Cernan and Harrison Schmitt begin the third and final Extra-vehicular activity (EVA) or “Moonwalk” of Apollo 17. This is the last manned mission to the moon of the 20th century.
- 1974 Malta becomes a republic within the Commonwealth of Nations
- 1977 A DC-3 aircraft chartered from the Indianapolis-based National Jet crashes near Evansville Regional Airport, killing 29, including the University of Evansville basketball team, support staff and boosters of the team.
- 1979 The Canadian Government of Prime Minister Joe Clark is defeated in the House of Commons, prompting the 1980 Canadian election.
- 1981 General Wojciech Jaruzelski declares martial law in Poland to prevent dismantling of the communist system by Solidarity.
- 2000 The “Texas 7″ escape from the John Connally Unit near Kenedy, Texas and go on a robbery spree, during which police officer Aubrey Hawkins is shot and killed.
- 2001 the Indian Parliament Sansad is attacked by terrorists. 15 people are killed, including all the terrorists.
- 2002 Enlargement of the European Union: The European Union announces that Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Malta, Poland, Slovakia, and Slovenia will become members from May 1, 2004.
- 2003 Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is captured near his home town of Tikrit (see Operation Red Dawn).
- 2006 The Baiji, or Chinese River Dolphin, is announced as extinct.
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Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,
“What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answers Juan.
The guard says, “We’ll just see about that ~ get off the bike.”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”
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Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day on the Jack Nicklaus course in Montana. This course had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.
“Watch this, Moses, I think I can do it,” exclaimed Jesus. “I’ve seen Arnold Palmer make this shot, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, then so can I.”
Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try. Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water. Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball.
Jesus, however, was not ready to give up.
“I know I can do this, Moses — I’ve seen Arnold Palmer do it, and if he can do it, then so can I.”
True to form, however, Jesus’ ball ended up back in the water. Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball.
“Look, Jesus,” said Moses. “Try again if you like, but I’m not parting the water for you again.”
“Fair enough, Moses,” said Jesus. “But you know, I’ve seen Arnold Palmer make this shot, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, then so can I.”
Once again, Jesus’ ball was in the water. Jesus proceeded to walk upon the water to get it.
Another group of golfers came up behind Moses and saw Jesus walking on the water. “Holy Cow!” one of them said to Moses. “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus ?”
“No,” said Moses, rolling his eyes. “He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer!”
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ONE-LINERS : 10 things NOT to say to a cop who pulls you over
- I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
- Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
- Aren’t you the guy from the village people?
- You must’ve been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me! good job!
- Excuse me, is stick ‘em up hyphenated?
- I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
- You’re not gonna check the trunk are you?
- Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
- Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell out of my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control…
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A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
“How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”
“Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”
“He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died.”
“Oh, how terrible! I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”
“He died of a broken neck.”
“A broken neck?”
“He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
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pic of the day: Rooster on a Windy Day
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Did you know that according to the song, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, Santa has twelve reindeer?
Sure, in the introduction it goes “There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen…” That makes eight reindeer.
Then there’s Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.
Then there’s Olive. You know, “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh…” That makes ten.
The eleventh is Howe. You know, “Then Howe the reindeer loved him…” Eleven reindeer.
Oh, and number 12? That’s Andy! “Andy shouted out with glee.”
The proof is in the song!
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A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”
The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I’m stuck on you.
Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed’, guess who’ ?
A: A divorce lawyer.
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Three blonde women were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first woman prayed,”God,please give me the strength to cross the river.” across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second woman prayed, “God, please give me strength ‘and the tools’ to cross the river.” Poof! God gave her a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and she was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two women, the third woman prayed, “God, please give me the strength, the tools ‘and the intelligence’ to cross the river.” Poof! She was turned into a brunette. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream, and walked across the bridge.
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Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles’ bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
“I’m just an ordinary man,” he said, walking up to her, “but in just a week or two, my father will die and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
The woman went home with Charles.
The next day she became his stepmother.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: VIOLIN TRIVIA
~170 calories is burn in an hour if you play the violin
~The modern Violin contains over 70 separate pieces of wood.
~The worlds smallest violin is only 37 millimetres long and is small enough to fit in a box of matches. It’s a must try!
~An old Italian term for the violin is “kit“.
~ An actual news headline: “Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case”.
~In the movie Titanic, a man with a yellow shirt and a black moustache fell off the boat and drowned. Five minutes later the same exact man was seen playing the violin with two other men.
~Joseph Merlin of Huy, Belgium invented the roller skates. To introduce his invention he entered the ballroom-playing violin in 1759. Unfortunately he did not know how to stop and crashed into a full-length mirror, breaking his violin.
~The violin is the most popular instrument for children, it is also the most indemand instrument at the professional level.
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LIFE LESSON: It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure. – Bill Gates
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted. – Aesop
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