Learn as much by writing as by reading. – Lord Acton
FOR TODAY – DECEMBER 16th – FRIDAY
350thday of 2011 with 15 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day (we’ll toast to that!)
*Adelaide of Italy Feast Day (patron saint to abuse victims; brides; empresses; exiles; in-law problems; parenthood; parents of large families; princesses; prisoners; second marriages; step-parents; widows)
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1770 Ludwig von Beethoven, Bonn Germany, composer (Ode to Joy)
- 1775 Jane Austin, England, novelist (Pride and Prejudice)
- 1776 Johann Wilhelm Ritter, Samitz bei Haynau, Silesia, German physicist, known for electrochemistry, ultraviolet light
- 1882 Walther Meissner, Berlin, Germany, physicist , known for Meissner effect, Superconductivity
- 1917 Arthur C[harles] Clarke, sci-fi author (2001, 2010, Childhood’s End)
- 1927 Randall Garrett, Lexington, Missouri, sci-fi and fantasy writer (Lord Darcy books, The Gandalara Cycle)
- 1928 Philip K[indred] Dick, Chicago, Illinois, sci-fi author (Hugo-1963, Blade Runner; Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly, Minority Report)
- 1946 Benny Andersson, Vällingby, Stockholm, Sweden, musician, singer and songwriter (ABBA)
- 1947 Ben Cross, London, England, actor (Chariots of Fire, Far Pavilions)
- 1962 William “The Refrigerator” Perry, Aiken, South Carolina, former NFL defensive back (Chicago Bears/Eagles)
- 1963 Benjamin Bratt, San Francisco, California, actor (Blood in Blood Out, Miss Congeniality, Traffic, Piñero)
- 1963 Jeff Carson, Tulsa, Oklahoma, singer (Not on Your Love, The Car, Holdin’ Onto Somethin )
- 1965 Nancy Valen, Hallandale Beach, Florida, actress (Baywatch )
- 1970 Daniel Cosgrove, New Haven, Connecticut, actor (All My Children, Bill Lewis on Guiding Light , As the World Turns)
- 1971 Michael McCary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer (Boyz II Men)
- 1987 Hallee Hirsh, Omaha, Nebraska, actress (Flight 29 Down )
- 1988 Anna Popplewell, London, England, UK, actress (The Chronicles of Narnia )
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Friends are born, not made. – Henry Adams
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1689 Convention Parliament: The Declaration of Right is embodied in the Bill of Rights.
- 1773 Boston Tea Party – Members of the Sons of Liberty disguised as Mohawks dump crates of tea into Boston harbor as a protest against the Tea Act.
- 1811 The first two in a series of severe earthquakes occur in the vicinity of New Madrid, Missouri. These three so-called mega-quakes are believed to be an ongoing cataclysmic danger that could reprise the 1811-12 series of 2,000 quakes that affected the lands of what would be eight of today’s heartland states of the United States.
- 1826 Benjamin W. Edwards rides into Mexican controlled Nacogdoches, Texas and declares himself ruler of the Republic of Fredonia.
- 1863 American Civil War: Joseph E. Johnston replaces Braxton Bragg as commander of the Army of Tennessee.
- 1864 American Civil War: Franklin-Nashville Campaign – Battle of Nashville – Major General George H. Thomas’s Union forces defeat Lieutenant General John Bell Hood’s Confederate Army of Tennessee.
- 1893 Antonín Dvořák’s Symphony No. 9 in E minor, Op. 95, From The New World is given its world première performance at Carnegie Hall.
- 1937 Theodore Cole and Ralph Roe attempt to escape from the American federal prison on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay; neither is ever seen again.
- 1938 Adolf Hitler institutes the Cross of Honor of the German Mother
- 1944 World War II: The Battle of the Bulge begins with the surprise offensive of three German armies through the Ardennes forest.
- 1947 William Shockley, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain build the first practical point-contact transistor.
- 1949 Svenska Aeroplan Aktiebolaget, later knows as SAAB, is founded in Sweden.
- 1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman declares a state of emergency, after Chinese troops enter the fight with communist North Korea in the Korean War.
- 1960 1960 New York air disaster: While approaching New York’s Idlewild Airport, a United Airlines Douglas DC-8 collides with a TWA Lockheed Super Constellation in a blinding snowstorm over Staten Island, killing 134.
- 1978 Cleveland, Ohio becomes the first post-Depression era city to default on its loans, owing $14,000,000 to local banks.
- 1979 Libya joins four other OPEC nations in raising crude oil prices, having an immediate dramatic effect on the United States.
- 1985 Mafia: In New York City, Paul Castellano and Thomas Bilotti are shot dead on the orders of John Gotti, who assumes leadership of the Gambino family.
- 1989 Walter LeRoy Moody begins his terrorist bombing streak when he sends Judge Robert Smith Vance a bomb in the mail, instantly killing him near his house in Birmingham, Alabama.
- 2003 President George W. Bush signs the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003 into law. The law establishes the United States’ first national standards for the sending of commercial e-mail and requires the Federal Trade Commission to enforce its provisions.
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I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: “too many deer were being hit by cars” and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.
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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”
To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”
He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
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ONE-LINERS : Reasons You Should Buy a New Car
- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
- Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.
- You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.
- 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days.
- When you gas up, the attendant asks, “Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?”
- Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the “Club”.
- While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.
- For the last five years, you’ve had to settle for making “vroom, vroom’ noises while in the driveway.
- You keep losing dates on left turns.
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
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pic of the day: Castle Cake by Cake Boss Boggs
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I saw a new local ad campaign being run for the northern snow birds by our county tourist board. Against a drop dead sunset beach picture, It reads:
Come to the SW coast of Florida this winter for your family vacation! It’s got everything…
Sand for the children, fishing galore for Dad, sun for the wife, and plenty of sharks for the mother-in-law.
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Signs that your cat is hanging around with the wrong crowd:
One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.
Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for “9-Lives.”
You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: “Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you’ll never see Spot again.”
Too many times a week your cat comes home after one in the morning, totally plastered and with a strong odor of catnip about him.
You come home to catch him in the act of raiding your liquor cabinet.
Several hundred dollars’ worth of phone calls appear on your phone bill to “1-900-PUSSYCAT-MEOW.”
You find out that the lifetime’s supply of cat food wasn’t a prize from “Kitten’s Life” magazine, but that your cat has been selling drugs in the neighborhood.
After failing to get your attention with constant meows and by rubbing up against your leg, your cat pulls out his Magnum-44 and aims it at you, demanding “Friskies” and catnip.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
From the 2011 O. Henry Pun-Off, this one by former winner Carlotta Stankiewicz and her eleven-year-old daughter, Ella.
GAME BOARD PUNS
Carlotta: “I asked GUESS WHO to play a game, you see.”
Ella: “GAME? BOARD.” She said to me.
“MONOPOLY-ease! It’s MARBLE-ous to play games with those UNO.”
“DICE try. Get a CLUE. CHESS leave me alone.”
“CHECKERS out! Such AGGRAVATION – it cut like a knife!”
“And then MAH JONG daughter said, ‘SORRY. That’s LIFE.’”
“It BOGGLEd my MASTERMIND, made my CRANIUM ache.”
“Can’t we CONNECT FOUR a while?”
“Too much TROUBLE to take. Such a TRIVIAL PURSUIT. YAHTZEE it my way!
“MANCALA friend and ask her to play.”
“CHUTES! AND LADDER off the ROOK so easy?”
“I had to TWISTER arm or RISK her thinking board games PARCHEESI.”
“I had to SCRABBLE for a new approach to this OPERATION.”
“I could GO FISH for an idea, but – Will FIT different generations.”
“I NiNTENDO play a game, but I won’t PLAY STATION-ary ones.”
“A video GAME, BOY, now that’s a lot more fun.”
“Wait a SEGA – if we think outside XBOX, we’re bound—”
“–to find a game we both like, so the JOYSTICKs around!”
“So let’s get some CANDYLAND some sodas and let this whole thing go. After all, DOM – I NOES the point is to have fun while we play.”
Both: “BINGO!”
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In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.
When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”
Quick as a flash, the woman replied, “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”
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Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” I asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” he replied.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CACAO
~The cacao tree, or Theobroma cacao, produces fruit all year long.
~This can be cultivated Ecuador, Nigeria and the Samoan Islands, places within 20 degrees north and south of the equator–an area called the “Cocoa Belt.”
~Four major types of cacao tree: the Criollo in Central America, the Forastero in Africa and Central/South America, the Trinitario in Central and South America, and the Nacional west of the Andes Mountains in South America.
~The cacao tree can grow to over 40 feet.
~New, bright green, smooth leaves grow two to four times a year and can move 90 degrees to get better sun and protect younger leaves. Younger leaves tend to be reddish in color.
~Egg-shaped fruit pods grow to a foot long and range in color from brown to yellow to purple. They grow up to 40 almond-shaped seeds or beans in a pink-colored, sweet-sour pulp.
~It can continue living for 100 years.
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LIFE LESSON: Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. – Eleanor Roosevelt
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QUIP OF THE DAY:Nobody believes the official spokesman… but everybody trusts an unidentified source. – Ron Nesen
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong. – Baltasar Gracian
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