There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart. – Celia Thaxter
FOR TODAY – DECEMBER 21st – WEDNESDAY
355th day of 2011 with 10 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*Hanukkah
*Forefather’s Day (celebrated in Plymouth, Massachusetts)
*Humbug Day
*National Flashlight Day
*Look on the Bright Side Day
*National Hamburger Day
*National French Fried Shrimp Day
*Mumping Day / St. Thomas Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1805 Thomas Graham, Glasgow, Scotland, British chemist, who is best-remembered today for his pioneering work in dialysis and the diffusion of gases
- 1889 Sewall Wright, Melrose, Massachusetts, biologist, known for his influential work on evolutionary theory and also for his work on path analysis
- 1890 Hermann Joseph Muller, New York City, New York, geneticist and Nobel laureate, best known for his work on the physiological and genetic effects of radiation (X-ray mutagenesis)
- 1926 Joe Paterno, Brooklyn, New York, football coach (Penn State Nittany Lions since 1966, SI Sportsman of 1986, College Football Hall of Fame)
- 1935 Phil Donahue, Cleveland, Ohio, talk show host (best known as the creator and host of The Phil Donahue Show )
- 1940 Ray Hildebrand, Joshua, Texas, singer (Paul & Paula)
- 1942 Carla Thomas, Memphis, Tennessee, singer (You’ve Got a Cushion To Fall On, Guide Me Well)
- 1946 Carl Wilson, Hawthorne, California, musician (The Beach Boys)
- 1948 Samuel L Jackson, Washington D.C., actor (White Sand, Pulp Fiction, Jurassic Park, Patriot Games, Snakes on a Plane, Nick Fury in Iron Man, Afro Samurai)
- 1957 Ray Romano, Queens, New York, actor (Ray Barone-Everybody Loves Raymond; Ice Age movies)
- 1959 Florence Griffith Joyner, American sprinter, Olympic gold medalist and 100 m & 200 m world record holder (d. 1998)
- 1966 Karri Turner, Fort Worth, Texas, actress (JAG )
- 1966 Kiefer Sutherland, British-born Canadian actor (Jack Bauer on ’24′, A Few Good Men, Young Guns, The Wild)
- 1971 Brett Scallions, Brownsville, Tennessee, singer (Fuel, The X’s)
- 1978 Mike Vitar, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Sandlot, D2: The Mighty Ducks and D3: The Mighty Ducks )
- 1984 Jackson Rathbone, Singapore, actor (The Twilight Saga, The Last Airbender )
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Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1620 William Bradford and the Mayflower Pilgrims land on what is now known as Plymouth Rock in Plymouth, Massachusetts.
- 1861 Medal of Honor: Public Resolution 82, containing a provision for a Navy Medal of Valor, is signed into law by President Abraham Lincoln.
- 1872 HMS Challenger, commanded by Captain George Nares, sails from Portsmouth.
- 1883 The first Permanent Force cavalry and infantry regiments of the Canadian Army are formed: The Royal Canadian Dragoons and The Royal Canadian Regiment.
- 1913 Arthur Wynne’s “word-cross”, the first crossword puzzle, is published in the New York World.
- 1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the first full-length animated film, premieres at the Carthay Circle Theater.
- 1941 World War II: A formal treaty of alliance between Thailand and Japan is signed in the presence of the Emerald Buddha in Wat Phra Kaew.
- 1962 Rondane National Park is established as Norway’s first national park.
- 1968 Apollo 8, the first manned mission to the moon, is launched from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. The crew performs the first ever manned Trans Lunar Injection and become the first humans to leave Earth’s gravity.
- 1969 The Gay Activists Alliance is formed in New York City.
- 1992 A Dutch DC-10, flight Martinair MP 495, crashes at Faro Airport, killing 56 people.
- 1994 Mexican volcano Popocatepetl, dormant for 47 years, erupts gases and ash.
- 1995 The city of Bethlehem passes from Israeli to Palestinian control.
- 1999 The Spanish Civil Guard intercepts a van loaded with 950 kg of explosives that ETA intended to use to blow up Torre Picasso in Madrid.
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The language of the internet is full of shortcuts. Some, like LOL (laugh out loud) and KISS(keep It Simple Stupid) have gone mainstream. But new online lingo is always popping up.
AYPI: And Your Point Is?
AWGTHTGTTA: Are We Going to Have to Go Through This Again?
BEG: Big Evil Grin
HHO1/2 K: Ha HA, Only Half Kidding
TYCLO: Turn Your CAPS LOCK OFF!
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Bar-B-Q – It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.
(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman “fixes” the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
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ONE-LINERS : Necessary Information for the 40-and-older crowd
- If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
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The following is perfectly logical to all males.
A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”
A short time later the husband returns home with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asked him, “Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?”
He replied, “They had eggs.”
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pic of the day: Winter Pine Trees
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TOP SEVEN ELF PET PEEVES
7. Toil for 364 days a year just to make children smile and no one gives a rip; frolic around for one day in some stupid outfit in February with a lousy bow and arrow, and all of a sudden you’re a hero.
6. The EPA’s new relaxed reindeer-emissions standards.
5. Making items to drop off for those on Santa’s Naughty List.
4. Icy cold North Pole temperature makes it hard to produce quality workmanship.
3. Reindeer game #12: Elf lacrosse.
2. Constantly ridiculed for that 0-854 record in the North Pole basketball league.
1. Jolly Ol’ Santa has never yet brought back a single cookie to share.
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My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.
One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.
One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, “Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us.”
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, “Honey, it’s for you….someone wants to talk to you about your relatives.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband.
He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”
The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise.”
“Ah, so sorry,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck”
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Fellow 1 : “Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too.”
Fellow 2 : “Wow, that’s Incredible. How did he know all of that?”
Fellow 1 : “A judge told him.”
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A man walks into a bar with an ostrich behind him. The bartender asks for his order, and the man says, “I’ll have a beer,” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have a beer, too,” says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says, “That will be $3.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and both order a beer. Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again and the bartender asks, “The usual?”
“Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large scotch,” says the man.
“Same for me,” says the ostrich.
“That will be $7.20,” says the bartender.
Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic, and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!
“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The bartender asks, “One other thing, sir; what’s with the ostrich?”
The man replies, “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA:Why is it called hamburger when in fact there’s no ham in it?
~Beef is what we found on hamburger. Why is it “Where’s the beef” when it should be where’s the ham?
~It is because it is first taste in Hamburg, Germany, that’s why it’s called hamburger without ham in it.
~Who actually invented the first hamburger remains a mystery. Some say it was a group of nomadic people called the Tartars who tenderized their beef by placing it under a horse’s saddle–flattening it into a patty. Others believe it was the German immigrants who traveled to the United States during the 19th century bringing with them their favorite meal called Hamburg Style Beef– a raw chopped, piece of beef. Some argue Americans placed the first cooked beef patty on a roll at the St. Louis World’s Fair in 1921.
~Pork and turkey have been used as patties
~ Bob’s Big Boy introduced the first double patty burger, new varieties of burgers have been created.
~ Available burgers today are veggie burgers, turkey burgers, and quarter-pound burgers with many different toppings including lettuce, mushrooms, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, and pickles.
~Hamburgers remain one of the most favorite foods among Americans today.
~Ranking #1 among all restaurants with 26,000 stores in 119 countries, McDonald’s serves billions of hamburgers worldwide.
~On average, Americans eat 3 hamburgers a week.
~60% of all sandwiches eaten are hamburgers.
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LIFE LESSON: There are really only two dimensions to the concept of attitude — you either behave as though you are a victim of circumstance, or you take full responsibility for your situation. – Richard Rudd
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QUIP OF THE DAY: In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’ ~Dave Barryl
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. ~Calvin Coolidge, 1927
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