Jokes and Trivia for March 18, 2013

Listen to your life. All moments are key moments. – Frederick Buechner

TODAY – MARCH 18th – MONDAY

77th day of 2013 with 288 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Goddess of Fertility Day

*Supreme Sacrifice Day

*Oatmeal Cookie Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1640 Philippe de la Hire, Paris, French mathematician and astronomer (he was an “academy unto himself”)
  • 1782 John C. Calhoun, Abbeville, South Carolina, politician, 7th Vice President of the United States
  • 1837 Grover Cleveland, Caldwell, New Jersey, 22nd and 24th President of the United States
  • 1858 Rudolf Diesel, German mechanical engineer and inventor (diesel engine)
  • 1877 Edgar Cayce, Hopkinsville, Kentucky, controversial mystic and psychic
  • 1909 Ernest Gallo, American winemaker (E&J Gallo Winery)
  • 1911 Smiley Burnette, Summum, Illinois, country music singer, songwriter and actor (sidekick to Gene Autry, Petticoat Junction)
  • 1926 Peter Graves, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Mission: Impossible, Red Planet Mars, The Winds of War, Airplane!)
  • 1932 John Updike, Reading, Pennsylvania, author (series: Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom, Bech, Buchanan, Scarlett Letter; Witches of Eastwick, In the Beauty of the Lilies)
  • 1938 Charley Pride, Sledge, Mississippi, singer
  • 1941 Wilson Pickett, Prattville, Alabama, singer (The Falcons)
  • 1943 Kevin Dobson, Jackson Heights, Queens, New York, actor (Kojak )
  • 1950 Brad Dourif, Huntington, West Virginia, actor (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest)
  • 1950 John Hartman, Falls Church, Virginia, drummer (Doobie Brothers)
  • 1959 Irene Cara, The Bronx, New York, singer and actress (Fame)
  • 1960 Richard Biggs, Columbus, Ohio, actor (Days of our Lives, Babylon 5)
  • 1962 Mike Rowe, Baltimore, Maryland, television host (Dirty Jobs, Deadilest Catch, Mystery Diagnosis, Ford commercials)
  • 1962 Thomas Ian Griffith, Hartford, Connecticut, actor (One Tree Hill  )
  • 1963 Vanessa L. Williams, Tarrytown, New York, beauty queen, singer and actress (Eraser, Shaft, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives)
  • 1964 Bonnie Blair, Cornwall, New York, speed skater (5 gold medals, one bronze)
  • 1966 Jerry Cantrell, Tacoma, Pierce, Washington, musician (Alice in Chains)
  • 1969 J. David Shapiro, American screenwriter, actor and director (screenplay for Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Battlefield Earth)
  • 1970 Queen Latifah, Newark, New Jersey, singer and actress (Living Single, The Bone Collector, Chicago, Bringing Down the House, Beauty Shop, Ice Age movies)
  • 1979 Adam Levine, Los Angeles, California, singer (Maroon 5)
  • 1982 Adam Pally, Livingston, New Jersey, actor and comedian (Happy Endings )

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There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those. – Author Unknown

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1673 John Berkeley, 1st Baron Berkeley of Stratton sells his part of New Jersey to the Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as Quakers.
  • 1793 The first republican state in Germany, the Republic of Mainz, is declared by Andreas Joseph Hofmann.
  • 1850 Henry Wells and William Fargo found the American Express.
  • 1874 Hawaii signs a treaty granting exclusive trading rights to the United States.
  • 1893 Former Governor General Lord Stanley pledges to donate a silver challenge cup, later named after him, as an award for the best hockey team in Canada; originally presented to amateur champions, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to the top pro team since 1910, and since 1926, only to National Hockey League teams.
  • 1906 Traian Vuia flies a heavier-than-air aircraft for 20 meters at 1 meter altitude.
  • 1940 Axis Powers represented by Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini meet at the Brenner Pass in the Alps and agree to form an alliance against France and the United Kingdom during WWII.
  • 1959 President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs a bill into law allowing for Hawaiian statehood, which would become official on August 21.
  • 1962 The Evian Accords put an end to the Algerian War of Independence, which began in 1954.
  • 1965 Cosmonaut Aleksei Leonov, leaving his spacecraft Voskhod 2 for 12 minutes, becomes the first person to walk in space.
  • 1968 The U.S. Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency.
  • 1990 In the largest art theft in US history, 12 paintings, collectively worth around $300 million, are stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, Massachusetts.
  • 1992 White South Africans vote overwhelmingly in favour, in a national referendum, to end the racist policy of Apartheid.
  • 1996 A nightclub fire in Quezon City, Philippines kills 162.
  • 1997 The tail of a Russian Antonov An-24 charter plane breaks off while en route to Turkey causing the plane to crash and killing all 50 on board and leading to the grounding of all An-24s.
  • 2012 2012 St. Patrick’s Day beating, which occurred in the morning after St. Patrick’s Day

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An ironworker calmly walked the narrow beam 15 floors above the city street. Even with heavy winds blowing and a driving rain falling, he showed no fear and never hesitated.

When he came down to ground level a man who had been watching asked, “How did you ever get a job like that?”

“Well,” replied the ironworker, “I used to drive a school bus, but my nerves gave out.”

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Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.

After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.

Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, “Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It’s the Red Cross.”

Bristling, the harried executive called back, “Get lost. I gave at the office!”

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ONE-LINERS:

1) A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, ‘Are you comfortable?’ The man says, ‘I make a good living.’

2) I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

3) I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!

4) Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

5) My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6) My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the loo and cried.

7) She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

8) The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

9) The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, ‘Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back.  Mrs. Cohen answered, ‘So did my arthritis!’

10) Doctor: You’ll live to be 60.
         Patient: I AM 60.
          Doctor: See! What did I tell you?

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pic of the day:

 pic of red bird

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A guy decided to go into the parrot breeding business and bought a pair of parrots. He didn’t think much of the fact that both birds were named Polly, but unfortunately both birds turned out to be female, thus his plans for parrot breeding hit a snag.

But then he hit on the brilliant idea of cloning the birds. After many months of work he was eventually able to produce a half dozen fertilized eggs.

When they hatched, three of them were normal healthy females, but the other three were male, and the little guys had very malformed wings and legs.

This is why it is said that, “Polly chicks makes strange bred fellows.”

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Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is pi ?”

The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7”

The physicist said: “It is 3.14159”

The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi”.

A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”

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“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”

“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector.”

“That’s a rather strange ambition to have for a career.”

“Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: APHRODITE

~Goddess of Fertility Day celebrates Aphrodite and other gods and goddesses of fertility.

~People would pray and make offerings to Aphrodite when seeking to create a family.

~Her name in Greek means “seaborn”.

~The painting “The Birth of Venus” depicts the birth of Aphrodite ( Venus in Roman) by Sandro Botticelli.

~She is actually older than Zeus and the other Olympic gods and goddesses.

~The Island of Cytheria is thought to be her birthplace.. and the islands and area surrounding it were sacred to her.

~Her Celtic counterpart is Aine goddess of love.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I said I have a can-do attitude…I never said I had a will-do attitude.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed–I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. – Georges Clemenceau