Jokes and Trivia for December 3, 2012

Happiness depends upon ourselves. ― Aristotle

TODAY – DECEMBER 3rd – MONDAY

338thday of 2012 with 28 to  follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Roof over Your Head Day

*United Nations’ International Day of Persons with Disabilities

*National Apple Pie Day (also May 13th)

*International Basque Language Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1842 Ellen Swallow Richards, Dunstable, Massachusetts, scientist, first American woman to earn a degree in chemistry (pioneering the field of home economics)
  • 1842 Charles Alfred Pillsbury, Warner, New Hampshire, industrialist (founder of Pillsbury Company)
  • 1857 Joseph Conrad, Polish-born British writer (An Outcast of the Islands, Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim, Typhoon)
  • 1900 Richard Kuhn, Austrian-German biochemist (Nobel / work on carotenoids and vitamins)
  • 1927 Andy Williams, Wall Lake, Iowa, singer (Moon River)
  • 1934 Nicolas Coster, London, United Kingdom, actor (Young Doctor Malone, Another World, One Life to Live, As the World Turns)
  • 1937 Bobby Allison, Miami, Florida, NASCAR race car driver (one of 50 greatest drivers)
  • 1937 Morgan Llywelyn, American-born Irish author (Druids, The Elementals, Pirate Queen, The vikings in Ireland, Brendan)
  • 1949 Heather Menzies, Canadiean-American actress (My Three Sons, The Sound of Music, Hawaii, Logan’s Run, Piranha, Endangered Species)
  • 1951 Rick Mears, Wichita, Kansas, race car driver (won Indianapolis 500 four times)
  • 1960 Daryl Hannah, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Splash, Blade Runner, Steel Magnolias, Kill Bill)
  • 1960 Julianne Moore, Fort Bragg, North Carolina, actress (The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Hannibal, Far From Heaven)
  • 1965 Katarina Witt, German figure skater (2 Olympic gold medals, 4-time World Champion, 6 consecutive European Championships)
  • 1965 Steve Harris, Chicago, Illinois,  actor (The Practice)
  • 1968 Brendan Fraser, Canadian-American actor (3 Mummy films, Encino Man, George of the Jungle, Journey to the Center of the Earth)
  • 1980 Anna Chlumsky, Chicago, Illinois, actress (My Girl, Veep )
  • 1994 Jake T. Austin, New York City, New York, actor (Wizards of Waverly Place; Go, Diego, Go!; Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn )

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1898 The Duquesne Country and Athletic Club defeated, a collection of early football players, from several teams based in southwestern Pennsylvania, in what is considered to be the very first all-star game for professional American football.
  • 1901 US President Theodore Roosevelt delivers a 20,000-word speech to the House of Representatives asking the Congress to curb the power of trusts “within reasonable limits”.
  • 1904 The Jovian moon Himalia is discovered by Charles Dillon Perrine at California’s Lick Observatory.
  • 1910 Modern neon lighting is first demonstrated by Georges Claude at the Paris Motor Show.
  • 1927 Putting Pants on Philip, the first Laurel and Hardy film, is released.
  • 1944 Greek Civil War: Fighting breaks out in Athens between the ELAS and government forces supported by the British Army.
  • 1973 Pioneer program: Pioneer 10 sends back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
  • 1976 An assassination attempt is made on Bob Marley. He is shot twice, but plays a concert two days later.
  • 1979 In Cincinnati, Ohio, 11 fans are suffocated in a crush for seats on the concourse outside Riverfront Coliseum before a Who concert.
  • 1982 A soil sample is taken from Times Beach, Missouri that will be found to contain 300 times the safe level of dioxin.
  • 1997 In Ottawa, Canada, representatives from 121 countries sign The Ottawa treaty prohibiting manufacture and deployment of anti-personnel landmines. The United States, People’s Republic of China, and Russia do not sign the treaty, however.
  • 1999 NASA loses radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander moments before the spacecraft enters the Martian atmosphere.
  • 1999 Six firefighters are killed in the Worcester Cold Storage Warehouse fire in Worcester, Massachusetts.
  • 2005 XCOR Aerospace makes first manned rocket aircraft delivery of US Mail in Mojave, California.
  • 2007 Winter storms cause the Chehalis River to flood many cities in Lewis County, Washington, also closing a 20-mile portion of Interstate 5 for several days. At least eight deaths and billions of dollars in damages are blamed on the floods.
  • 2009 A suicide bombing in Mogadishu, Somalia, claims the lives of 25 people, including three ministers of the Transitional Federal Government.

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A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.

The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.

The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”

The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.”

He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.

She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.

He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”

The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year . . .”

“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”

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There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”

The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!”

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ONE-LINERS: Actual Answers Given on Family Feud

Name something that floats in the bath – Water

Name something you wear on the beach – A deckchair

Name something Red – My cardigan

Name a famous cowboy – Buck Rogers

Name a famous royal – Mail

A number you have to memorize – 7

Something you do before going to bed – Sleep

Something you put on walls – Roofs

Something in the garden that’s green – Shed

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pic of the day: Birds in Trees Along River

pic of big birds in trees

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

~A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

~Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

~A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

~Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

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“Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.”

“Would you spell that, please?”

“Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.”

“Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with my supervisor.”

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A girl says to a salesman, “I’m not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker.”

He says, “Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Hidden facts about an APPLE — Revealed now!

~They say apples originated in Asia, and eventually migrated to the western world where they’ve grown and evolved into more than 10,000 varieties of apples that are now grown all over the world!

~In 1914, the Canadian government established the Dominion Experimental Farm, in Summerland BC, to study the Okanagan Valley region of British Columbia for the tree fruit growing industry.

~Pomology is the science of apple growing.

~Apples are members of the Rose family.

~Folk hero Johnny Appleseed (John Chapman) did indeed spread the cultivation of apples in the United States.

~The game of apple-bobbing began as a Celtic New Year tradition for trying to determine one’s future spouse.

~Ancient Greece — tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage; catching it was acceptance.

~Apples are ‘self-incompatible’ – you need two trees growing near each other to have successful pollination.

~To keep potatoes fresh and prevent sprouting, put an apple in the bag.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Life is a long lesson in humility – James M. Barrie.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson