April 1, 2014

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. – ­Teddy Roosevelt

TODAY – APRIL 1st – TUESDAY

91st day of 2014 with 274 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*April Fool’s Day

*Edible Book Day

*Fossil Fools Day

*International Tatting Day

*International Fun at Work Day

*National Sourdough Bread Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1640 Georg Mohr, Copenhagen, mathematician (his contribution to geometry was the Mohr–Mascheroni theorem, proof that any geometric construction which can be done with compass and straightedge can also be done with compasses alone)
  • 1865 Richard Adolf Zsigmondy, Vienna, chemist (Nobel / research in colloids)
  • 1883 Lon Chaney, Sr., Colorado Springs, Colorado, actor (“The Man of a Thousand Faces”: The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Phantom of the Opera)
  • 1898 William James Sidis, Jewish Ukrainian, American mathematician (exceptional mathematical and linguistic abilities)
  • 1919 Joseph Murray, Milford, Massachusetts, surgeon (Nobel / organ and cell transplantation in the treatment of human disease; performed first successful human kidney transplants)
  • 1921 Arthur “Guitar Boogie” Smith, Clinton, South Carolina, musician and songwriter
  • 1922 William Manchester, Attleboro, Massachusetts, historian (bestselling author of 18 books that have been translated into over 20 languages)
  • 1926 Anne McCaffrey, Cambridge, Massachusetts, author (series: Restoree, Dragonriders of Pern, Brain & Brawn Ship, Doona, Acorna, Petaybee)
  • 1930 Grace Lee Whitney, Ann Arbor, Michigan, actress (Janice Rand of Star Trek original series & movies)
  • 1932 Debbie Reynolds, El Paso, Texas, actress (Singin’ in the Rain, Tammy and the Bachelor, The Unsinkable Molly Brown, The Singing Nun, Halloweentown)
  • 1934 Jim Ed Brown, Sparkman, Arkansas, singer (The Browns)
  • 1939 Ali MacGraw, Pound Ridge, New York, actress (Goodbye Columbus, Love Story, The Getaway)
  • 1939 Rudolph Isley, Cincinnati, Ohio, singer (The Isley Brothers)
  • 1942 Samuel R. Delany, NYC, New York, author (Babel-17, The Einstein Intersection, Nova, Dhalgren, Empire, Dark Reflections, Return to Neveryon series)
  • 1966 Craig Kelly, American snowboarder (“Godfather of Freeriding”, 4 world championships & 3 U.S. championships)
  • 1971 Jessica Collins, Schenectady, New York, actress (The Young and the Restless)
  • 1972 Jesse Tobias, Texas, musician (Red Hot Chili Peppers and Splendid)
  • 1981 Hannah Spearritt, Great Yarmouth, England, British singer and actor (S Club 7)
  • 1982 Sam Huntington, Peterborough, New Hampshire, actor (Being Human, Superman Returns, Fanboys)
  • 1985 Josh Zuckerman, Los Altos, California, actor (Kyle XY, Desperate Housewives, 90210)
  • 1986 Hillary Scott, Nashville, Tennessee, singer (Lady Antebellum)

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Life is the sum of all your choices. – Albert Camus

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1789 The United States House of Representatives holds its first quorum in New York City and elects Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania as its first House Speaker.
  • 1826 The internal combustion engine is patented by Samuel Morey.
  • 1854 Charles Dickens’ Hard Times begins serialization in his magazine, Household Words.
  • 1891 The Wrigley Company is founded in Chicago, Illinois.
  • 1893 The rank of Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy is established.
  • 1924 The Royal Canadian Air Force is formed.
  • 1949 The Republic of Ireland is formed by the 26 counties of the Irish Free State.
  • 1954 The creation of the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado is authorized by President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
  • 1957 The spaghetti tree hoax is broadcast by the BBC on its current affairs programme Panorama.
  • 1960 The first television picture from space is transmitted by the TIROS-1 satellite.
  • 1967 The United States Department of Transportation begins operation.
  • 1970 The Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act into law, requiring the Surgeon General’s warnings on tobacco products and banning cigarette advertisements on television and radio in the United States, is signed into law by President Nixon, starting on January 1, 1971.
  • 1976 Apple Inc. is formed by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne.
  • 1976 Conrail takes over operations from six bankrupt railroads in the Northeastern U.S..
  • 1976 The Jovian–Plutonian gravitational effect hoax is first reported by British astronomer Patrick Moore.
  • 2001 An EP-3E United States Navy surveillance aircraft collides with a Chinese People’s Liberation Army Shenyang J-8 fighter jet. The Navy crew makes an emergency landing in Hainan, People’s Republic of China and is detained.
  • 2001 Same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Netherlands, the first country to allow it.
  • 2006 The Serious Organised Crime Agency, dubbed the “British FBI”, is created in the United Kingdom.

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Now I’ll tell you a real story that happened our Sunday school. The Kindergarten class was discussing “prayer”, and the children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with “amen.”

The teacher asked, “Does anyone know what ‘amen’ means?”

After a long silence one little boy piped up and said, “Well, I think it means, like, “Send’.”

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The farmer had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer, “What do you feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them corn cobs, table scraps, things like that. Why?”

“I am from the Animal Welfare League. You don’t feed your pigs the way you should. They shouldn’t eat waste.”

Some days later, another man arrived. “What do you feed your pigs?”

“I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak … why?”

“I am from an environmental organization and it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.”

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question. The hesitant farmer pondered for a few minutes and then answered, “I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”

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ONE-LINERS: 12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book… if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow.

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Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Peyton Manning is to football. She designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese).

When she saw the handwritten menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked it in her purse. Some months later I saw the result – a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.

She received compliments galore until at one party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.

“I’m afraid to ask,” she said, “but tell me anyway.”

Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, “This is a cheap dish – but good.”

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pic of the day: Wandering Stone Staircase


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WARNING! APRIL FOOL’S DAY PUNZ!
Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they’ve just finished a long March!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1?
A: April Ghoul’s Day!

Q: What’s the best day for monkey business?
A: The first of Ape-ril!

Q: What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
A: On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!

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At the annual Bosses Night dinner sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year.

The master of ceremonies began: “First of all, our winner is a graduate of the local University. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates.”

“Our winner also is a partner in a downtown law firm. That eliminates some more of you. “Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated …”

A voice from the audience cut in: “Well, there go the rest of us!”

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My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.

“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??”

Mom calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”

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On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back.

“What’s in the bag?” asked Paddy

“I’m not going to tell,” replied Murphy.

“Go on, do.” pleaded Paddy .

“Ah, all right then, it’s ducks.” announced Murphy.

“If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?” enquired Paddy.

“Look,” said Murphy, “If you guess the correct number, I’ll give you both of them.”

“Five!” said Paddy triumphantly!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
The battles that count aren’t the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself ­the invisible battles inside all of us­. . . that’s where it’s at. – Jesse Owens

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