April 8, 2014

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. – ­Tony Robbins

TODAY – APRIL 7th – TUESDAY

98th day of 2014 with 267 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Day of the Roma (celebrating Romani culture)

*Draw a Bird Day

*National Empanada Day

*All is Ours Day

*National Poetry Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1732 David Rittenhouse, Paper Mill Run, Pennsylvania, astronomer, inventor, and mathematician (member of the American Philosophical Society and the first director of the United States Mint)
  • 1818 August Wilhelm von Hofmann, German chemist (Hofmann rearrangement, Hofmann elimination, Hofmann-Löffler reaction)
  • 1869 Harvey Williams Cushing, Cleveland, Ohio, neurosurgeon (pioneer in brain surgery / “father of modern neurosurgery”, 1st described Cushing’s Syndrome)
  • 1911 Melvin Calvin, St. Paul, Minnesota, chemist (Nobel / Calvin cycle)
  • 1918 Betty Ford, Chicago, Illinois, American First Lady (1974-1977), founder of the Betty Ford Center
  • 1918 Glendon Swarthout, Pinckney, Michigan, author (The Eagle and the Iron Cross, The Tin Lizzie, The Homesman, They Came to Cordura, Bless Beasts & Children, The Shootist)
  • 1947 Larry Norman, Corpus Christi, Texas, singer, songwriter, and producer (People!)
  • 1955 Barbara Kingsolver, Annapolis, Maryland, author (The Poisonwood Bible, The Lacuna, Pigs in Heaven, Animal Vegetable Miracle)
  • 1960 John Schneider, Mount Kisco, New York, actor / singer (The Dukes of Hazzard, Smallville)
  • 1962 Izzy Stradlin, Lafayette, Indiana, musician (Guns N’ Roses and Hollywood Rose)
  • 1966 Robin Wright, Dallas, Texas actress (Santa Barbara, The Princess Bride, Forrest Gump, Toys, Moneyball, House of Cards)
  • 1968 Patricia Arquette, Chicago, Illinois, actress (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, True Romance, Lost Highway, Stigmata, Holes, Medium)
  • 1977 Mark Spencer, American computer programmer (attended Auburn University, author of instant messaging client Gaim/ Pidgin; Chairman of Digium)
  • 1980 Justin Smith, Orlando, Florida, actor (As the World Turns, Meet The Spartans, Army Wives)
  • 1980 Katee Sackhoff, Portland, Oregon, actress (“Starbuck” on new Battlestar Galactica, 24, Longmire, White Noise: The Light, Riddick, Oculus)
  • 1981 Taylor Kitsch, Canadian actor and model (Friday Night Lights, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, John Carter, Battleship, Savages)
  • 1992 Shelby Young, Florida, actress (The Social Network, Wild Child )
  • 2002 Skai Jackson, New York City, New York, actress (Jessie )

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Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. – ­Farrah Gray

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1730 Shearith Israel, the first synagogue in New York City, is dedicated.
  • 1808 With the founding of the dioceses of New York, Philadelphia, Boston, and Bardstown (now Louisville) by Pope Pius VII, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Baltimore is promoted to an archdiocese.
  • 1820 The Venus de Milo is discovered on the Aegean island of Melos.
  • 1832 Around three-hundred United States 6th Infantry troops leave St. Louis, Missouri to fight the Sauk Native Americans during the Black Hawk War.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Battle of Mansfield – Union forces are thwarted by the Confederate army at Mansfield, Louisiana.
  • 1893 The first recorded college basketball game occurs at Geneva College in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.
  • 1904 Longacre Square in Midtown Manhattan is renamed Times Square after The New York Times.
  • 1906 Auguste Deter, the first person to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, dies.
  • 1908 Harvard University votes to establish the Harvard Business School.
  • 1911 Superconductivity is discovered by Dutch physicist Heike Kamerlingh Onnes.
  • 1916 In Corona, California, race car driver Bob Burman crashes, killing three, and badly injuring five, spectators.
  • 1935 When the Emergency Relief Appropriation Act of 1935 becomes law the WPA (Works Progress Administration) is formed.
  • 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, in an attempt to check inflation, freezes wages and prices, prohibits workers from changing jobs unless the war effort would be aided thereby, and bars rate increases by common carriers and public utilities.
  • 1952 To prevent a nationwide strike President Harry Truman calls for the seizure of all domestic steel mills.
  • 1959 Creation of COBOL, a new programming language, was discussed by a team of computer manufacturers, users, and university people.
  • 1959 The Organization of American States drafts an agreement to create the Inter-American Development Bank.
  • 1974 Hank Aaron hits his 715th career home run at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, surpassing Babe Ruth’s 39-year-old record.
  • 2005 Over four million people attend the funeral of Pope John Paul II.

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A young man walking through a supermarket noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

”Pardon me,” she said, ”I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”

”I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, ”is there anything I can do for you?”

”Yes,” she said, ”As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’ ? It would make me feel so much better.”

”Sure,” answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, ”Goodbye, Mother!”

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

”How can that be?” he asked, ”I only purchased a few things!”

”Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

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A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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ONE-LINERS: You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when….

1. You wake up at 4 O’clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys 🙂 in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com

7. You can’t correspond with your mother because she doesn’t have a computer.

8. When your email box shows “no new messages” and you feel really depressed.

9. You don’t know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to “Netscape” before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don’t laugh, you just say “LOL, LOL”.

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”

Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

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pic of the day: Dogwood in bloom

Blooms on dogwood tree
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Did you hear about the farmer you plowed his field with a steamroller?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes!

When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow to pasture.

Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
Because it was always running out of the pen.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop.

Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, ”…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass.”

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A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician.
“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.
“I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”

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A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes man, I’ll go and kill my own “croc!,” to which the shopkeeper replied, “by all means, just watch out for those two “ole boys” who are doing the same!”.

So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. ‘They must be the ‘ole boys’ he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.

Just as the beast was about to swallow him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several were already lying. Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed “Darn! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A printer consists of three main parts: The case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – ­Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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