August 1, 2014

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. – G.B. Stern

TODAY – AUGUST 1st – FRIDAY

213th day of 2014 with 152 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Beer Day

*World Scout Scarf Day

*National Raspberry Cream Pie Day

*Statehood Day in Colorado

*Admit You’re Happy Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 10 BC Claudius, Roman Emperor
  • 1770 William Clark, Charlottesville, Virginia, Lewis & Clark Expedition
  • 1744 Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, Bazentin, Picardie, scientist, known for Evolution; inheritance of acquired characteristics
  • 1779 Francis Scott Key, Carroll Co. Maryland, lawyer/composer (Star-Spangled Banner)
  • 1819 Herman Melville, New York City, New York, author (Moby Dick, Billy Budd)
  • 1885 George de Hevesy, Budapest, Hungary, chemist, role in the development of radioactive tracers to study chemical processes such as in the metabolism of animals
  • 1889 Walter Gerlach, Biebrich, Germany, physicist, co-discovered spin quantization in a magnetic field, the Stern-Gerlach effect
  • 1933 Dom DeLuise, Brooklyn, New York, comedian, actor (End, Cannonball Run, Fatso)
  • 1936 Yves Saint-Laurent, French fashion designer (Opium, Obsession)
  • 1945 Douglas D. Osheroff, Aberdeen, Washington, physicist, Nobel Prize (superfluidic nature Helium-3)
  • 1945 Sandi Griffiths, Los Angeles, California, singer (The Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1946 Richard O Covey, Fayetteville, Arkansas, USAF/astronaut (STS 51-I, STS-26, STS-38, STS-61)
  • 1958 Michael Penn, Greenwich Village, New York City, singer and songwriter
  • 1964 Adam Duritz, Baltimore, Maryland, musician (Counting Crows)
  • 1968 Dan Donegan, Oak Lawn, Illinois, musician (Disturbed)
  • 1969 David Wain, Shaker Heights, Ohio, actor (Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, The State)
  • 1973 Tempestt Bledsoe, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Vanessa-Cosby Show)
  • 1979 Jason Momoa, Honolulu, Hawaii, actor (Baywatch, Stargate Atlantis)
  • 1993 Leon Thomas III, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Victorious)
  • 1999 Khamani Griffin, Oakland, California, actor (Grey’s Anatomy, ER, and My Name Is Earl )

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“But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.” – Khaled Hosseini

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1774 Joseph Priestly discovers oxygen (which he called “dephlogisticated air”).
  • 1800 The Act of Union 1800 is passed in which merges the Kingdom of Great Britain and the Kingdom of Ireland into the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.
  • 1801 First Barbary War: The American schooner USS Enterprise captures the Tripolitan polacca Tripoli in a single-ship action off the coast of modern-day Libya.
  • 1820 London’s Regent’s Canal opens.
  • 1828 Bolton and Leigh Railway opens to freight traffic.
  • 1831 A new London Bridge opens.
  • 1832 The Black Hawk War ends.
  • 1842 Lombard Street Riot erupts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA.
  • 1855 First ascent of Monte Rosa, the second highest summit in the Alps.
  • 1876 Colorado is admitted as the 38th U.S. state.
  • 1902 The United States buys the rights to the Panama Canal from France.
  • 1941 The first Jeep is produced.
  • 1944 Anne Frank makes the last entry in her diary.
  • 1957 US and Canada form the North American Air Defense Command (NORAD).
  • 1981 MTV premiers at 12:01 AM (first video played was “Video Killed The Radio Star” by the Buggles).
  • 1993 The Great Flood of 1993 comes to a peak.
  • 1995 The first Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is held at the Plaza Hotel in New York City.
  • 1996 Michael Johnson breaks the 200m world record by 0.30 seconds with a time of 19.32 seconds at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • 2001 Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore has a 2-1/2 ton Ten Commandments monument installed in the rotunda of the judiciary building, leading to a lawsuit to have it removed and his own removal from office.
  • 2007 The I-35W Mississippi River Bridge spanning the Mississippi River in Minneapolis, Minnesota, collapses during the evening rush hour.

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In the doctors office two patients are talking.

“You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake.”

“A sponge!” exclaims the other. “Does it hurt much?”

“No…no pain at all,” says the first, “but…boy, do I get thirsty!”

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Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”

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ONE-LINERS: Thoughts on Men. . .
– What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.

– What is the difference between a man and a Saving Bond? Bonds mature.

– What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

– How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don’t know it’s never been done.

– What is a man’s idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

– Whats the difference between a man and E.T.? E. T. phoned home.

– What do you call a man with a brain? Gifted.

– What’s the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
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After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting.

Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: “How did your game go?

The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round … making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a “Rider” was.

The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.

The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders.

The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.

The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term “rider” meant. But, because he didn’t want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left.

He then approached the bartender and asked “Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to “Riders”?”

The bartender simply smiled and said…”A ‘Rider” is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.

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pic of the day: Farm Collie

picture of farm collie
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

“I hate the snow, I hate the rain, I hate the heat, I Hate the cold. We need to go someplace where there is
no weather.”

“Like the moon?”

“Nah. It’s boring there. There’s no atmosphere.”

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A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These,’ she explained, ‘are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats ?’

A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours !’

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A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!’ (Repent and be
Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what
she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the
burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.’

‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an ax and two 38s!’
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A client brought a litter of Golden Retriever puppies to the local veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the experienced vet realized
it would be difficult to tell which had been treated and which hadn’t. The Vet turned on the water faucet,
wet her fingers and moistened each dog’s head as she finished giving each one the necessary shots.

After the fourth puppy, the vet noticed her hitherto talkative client had grown silent and was looking rather reverent.

As the animal doctor sprinkled the last pup’s head, the owner leaned forward and whispered, “I didn’t know they had to be baptized, too.”

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Random Bits. . .

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Lollipop is the longest word typed with your right hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.

The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet. This phrase was developed by Associate Press technicians in the early days of the news teletype as a means of testing the system to assure everything was working OK.

The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak,’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A report says high school students aren’t very good with American history. It’s pretty shameful. On a recent test, a majority of seniors thought Lincoln’s Gettysburg address was ALincoln@gettysburg.com…”

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. – Joshua J. Marine

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