Jokes and Trivia for August 12, 2013

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” – Isaac Asimov

FOR TODAY – AUGUST 12th – FRIDAY

224th day of 2011 with 141 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Julienne Fries Day

*Middle Child’s Day

*International Youth Day

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PERSEID METEOR SHOWER: The Perseid meteor shower is intensifying as Earth moves deeper into the debris stream of parent comet 109P/Swift-Tuttle. International observers are reporting as many as 30 Perseids per hour from dark sky sites, a rate which could triple on August 12-13 when the shower peaks. Check http://spaceweather.com for updates and observing tips.

GOT CLOUDS?  You can listen to the Perseid meteor shower on Space Weather Radio, which is monitoring signals from the USAF Space Surveillance Radar.  Every Perseid that flies over the radar makes an audible ping.  Hear the echoes at http://spaceweatherradio.com
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1696 Maurice Greene, English composer (the anthem Hearken Unto Me, Ye Holy Children, the oratorio The Song of Deborah and Barak)
  • 1856 “Diamond Jim” Brady, NYC, New York, financier / philanthropist
    1859 Katharine Lee Bates, Fairmouth, Massachusetts, poet (words for America The Beautiful, popularized Mrs. Santa Claus)
  • 1867 Edith Hamilton, German-American author and educator (The Greek Way, Mythology)
  • 1876 Mary Roberts Rinehart, Allegheny City, Pennsylvania, author (American Agathie Christie, “the butler did it”, created costumed supercriminal, The Bat)
  • 1881 Cecil B. DeMille, Ashfield, Massachusetts, film director (The 10 Commandments, Cleopatra, The Greatest Show On Earth)
  • 1885 Jean Cabannes, Massalia, France, physicist (found gases diffusing monochromatic light could also change their wavelength)
  • 1887 Erwin Schrödinger, Austrian physicist (Schrödinger-Newton equations, Schrödinger field, Rayleigh-Schrödinger perturbation)
  • 1889 Zerna Sharp, Hillisburg, Indiana, writer and educator (Dick and Jane books)
  • 1910 Jane Wyatt, Mahwah, New Jersey, actress (Father Knows Best/ Spock’s mother on Star Trek)
  • 1919 Vikram Sarabhai, Ahmedabad, India, physicist (father of the Indian space program)
  • 1925 Norris McWhirter, Winchmore Hill, London, England, Scottish co-founder of the Guinness Book of Records
  • 1925 Ross McWhirter, Winchmore Hill, London, England, twin of Norris and Scottish co-founder of the Guinness Book of Records
  • 1927 Porter Wagoner, West Plains, Missouri, country singer w/flashy suits
  • 1929 Buck Owens, Sherman, Texas, country singer (Buckeroos)
  • 1931 William Goldman, Chicago, Illinois, author, playwright, and screenwriter (Marathon Man, The Princess Bride)
  • 1937 Walter Dean Myers, Martinsburg, West Virginia, author and poet (Hoops, Fallen Angels, Scorpions)
  • 1939 George Hamilton, Memphis, Tennessee, actor (Where The Boys Are, Love At First Bite, Godfather III, Dancing w/the Stars)
  • 1946 Deborah Howe, Boston, Massachusetts, author (Bunnicula, Teddy Bear’s Scrapbook)
  • 1948 Sue Monk Kidd, Sylvester, Georgia, author (The Secret Life of Bees, The Mermaid Chair)
  • 1955 Ann M. Martin, Princeton, New Jersey, author (The Baby-Sitters Club series)
  • 1971 Pete Sampras, Lake Sherwood, California, tennis player (former World No. 1, won 14 Grand Slam singles)
  • 1975 Casey Affleck, Falmouth, Massachussetts, actor (Good Will Hunting, Ocean’s 11, The Assassination of Jesse James)
  • 1980 Maggie Lawson, Louisville, Kentucky, actress (Nancy Drew, Model Behavior)
  • 1993 Imani Hakim, Cleveland, Ohio, actress (Everybody Hates Chris)

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“Don’t think or judge, just listen.” – Sarah Dessen

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 30 BC Cleopatra VII Philopator, the last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, commits suicide allegedly by means of an asp bite.
  • 1833 Chicago is founded.
  • 1851 Isaac Singer is granted a patent for his sewing machine.
  • 1883 The last quagga dies at the Artis Magistra zoo in Amsterdam.
  • 1898 Armistice ends the Spanish-American War.
  • 1953 Nuclear weapons testing: the Soviet atomic bomb project continues with the detonation of Joe 4, the first Soviet thermonuclear weapon.
  • 1960 Echo I, the first communications satellite, launched.
  • 1964 South Africa is banned from the Olympic Games due to the country’s racist policies.
  • 1977 The first free flight of the Space Shuttle Enterprise.
  • 1977 Start of Sri Lankan riots of 1977, targeting the minority Sri Lankan Tamil people this riot started less than a month after the United National Party came to power, over 300 Tamils are killed.
  • 1978 Japan and the People’s Republic of China sign the Treaty of Peace and Friendship between Japan and the People’s Republic of China.
  • 1980 Signature of the Montevideo Treaty establishing the Latin American Integration Association.
  • 1981 The IBM Personal Computer is released.
  • 1982 Mexico announces it is unable to pay its enormous external debt, marking the beginning of a debt crisis that spreads to all of Latin America and the Third World.
  • 1994 Major League Baseball players go on strike. The work stoppage forces the cancellation of the 1994 World Series.
  • 2000 The Oscar class submarine K-141 Kursk of the Russian Navy explodes and sinks in the Barents Sea during a military exercise.
  • 2007 Bulk carrier M/V New Flame collides with oil tanker Torm Gertrud at the southernmost tip of Gibraltar, ending up partially submerged.

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A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

“Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.”

The American nodded. “It’s the same in the USA only we see stars, too!”

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Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Desktop.”

Customer: “Ok.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote click’.”

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ONE-LINERS: Inventions Bound to Fail

*The water-proof towel

*Glow in the dark sunglasses

*Solar powered flashlights

*Submarine screen doors

*A book on how to read

*Inflatable dart boards

*A dictionary index

*Dehydrated water – Just add water

*Waterproof tea bags

*The helicopter ejector seat

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Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”

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pic of the day: Pond Reflections

pond reflections

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Oxygen meets up with Potassium and Sodium.

“Hey,” says Oxygen, “Do you want to go to a movie?”

“K” responds Potassium.

“Na” responds Sodium.
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A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“No, ” she says, ” I’m actually a Blonde.”

“I thought so, the doctor says. “Your finger is broken.

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During the local match, a spectator was surprised to see a dog walk onto the pitch and start pitching, eventually striking out the other all star team, and scoring two home runs.

“That’s incredible!” he exclaimed to the man next to him.

“Yes,” he said, “but he’s a terrible disappointment to his parents. They wanted him to play football.”

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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

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