August 13, 2104

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand

TODAY – AUGUST 13th – WEDNESDAY

225th day of 2014 with 140 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Filet Mignon Day

*International Lefthanders Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1625 Rasmus Bartholin, Danish physician, mathematician & physicist (known for double refraction of a light ray)
  • 1814 Anders Jonas Ångström, Swedish physicist (known for Spectroscopy)
  • 1818 Lucy Stone, West Brookfield, Massachusetts, abolitionist and suffragist (1st woman from Massachusetts to earn college degree; spoke for women’s rights, 1st recorded American woman to retain own last name after marriage)
  • 1819 George Gabriel Stokes, Irish physicist (made important contributions to fluid dynamics)
  • 1860 Annie Oakley, North Star, Ohio, sharpshooter (Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show)
  • 1899 Alfred Hitchcock, British-American film director & producer (suspense & psychological thrillers; Sabotage, Jamaica Inn, Notorious, Strangers on a Train, Vertigo, Psycho, The Birds, Family Plot)
  • 1902 Felix Wankel, German engineer and inventor (developed seals and rotary valves for German air force aircraft and navy torpedoes, for BMW and Daimler-Benz)
  • 1912 Ben Hogan, Stephenville, Texas, Professional golfer (noted for influence on golf swing theory & legendary ball-striking ability)
  • 1912 Salvador Luria, Italian-American microbiologist (Nobel / showed bacterial resistance to viruses is genetically inherited)
  • 1918 Frederick Sanger, English chemist (Nobel/ structure of proteins, especially that of insulin)
  • 1919 Rex Humbard, Little Rock, Arkansas, television evangelist (Cathedral of Tomorrow)
  • 1944 Kevin Tighe, Los Angeles, California, actor (Roy DeSoto on Emergency; Lost, Escape to Witch Mountain, School Ties)
  • 1951 Dan Fogelberg, Peoria, Illinois, singer-songwriter (Longer, Leader of the Band)
  • 1959 Danny Bonaduce, Broomall, Pennsylvania, actor (The Partridge Family, Corvette Summer, ChiPs)
  • 1961 Dawnn Lewis, Brooklyn, New York City, actress (Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper)
  • 1961 Tom Perrotta, Garwood, New Jersey, author / screenwriter (Election, Little Children)
  • 1962 John Slattery Jr., Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Ed, Mad Men, Desperate Housewives, Iron Man 2)
  • 1972 Kevin Plank, Kensington, Maryland, CEO (founder of Under Armour, Inc.)
  • 1974 Sam Endicott, Washington, D.C., American singer (The Bravery)
  • 2000 Piper Reese, American webshow reporter (Piper’s Picks TV and Piper’s QUICK Picks)

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Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. – Grandma Moses

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1831 Nat Turner sees a solar eclipse, which he believes is a sign from God. Eight days later he and 70 other slaves kill approximately 55 whites in Southampton County, Virginia.
  • 1906 The all black infantrymen of the U.S. Army’s 25th Infantry Regiment are accused of killing a white bartender and wounding a white police officer in Brownsville, Texas, despite exculpatory evidence; all are later dishonorably discharged.
  • 1913 Otto Witte, an acrobat, is purportedly crowned King of Albania.
  • 1913 First production in the UK of stainless steel by Harry Brearley.
  • 1918 Women enlist in the United States Marine Corps for the first time. Opha Mae Johnson is the first woman to enlist.
  • 1942 Major General Eugene Reybold of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers authorizes the construction of facilities that would house the “Development of Substitute Materials” project, better known as the Manhattan Project.
  • 1965 Peter Allen and Gwynne Evans are hanged for the Murder of John Alan West becoming the last people people executed in the United Kingdom.
  • 1968 Alexandros Panagoulis attempts to assassinate the Greek dictator Colonel Georgios Papadopoulos in Varkiza, Athens.
  • 1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts are released from a three-week quarantine to enjoy a ticker-tape parade in New York. That evening, at a state dinner in Los Angeles, they are awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by U.S. President Richard Nixon.
  • 1979 The roof of the uncompleted Rosemont Horizon near Chicago, Illinois collapses, killing 5 workers and injuring 16.
  • 2004 Hurricane Charley, a Category 4 storm, strikes Punta Gorda, Florida and devastates the surrounding area.
  • 2004 156 Congolese Tutsi refugees are massacred at the Gatumba refugee camp in Burundi.
  • 2008 South Ossetian War: Russian units occupy the Georgian city of Gori.
  • 2011 The main stage collapses at the Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis during a hurricane-force wind gust ahead of an approaching severe thunderstorm, killing 7 and injuring 45.

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Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”

“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”

“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

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Tech support. . .
Customer: “All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!”
Tech Support: “Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?”
Customer: “No, I don’t. I just know it was on my C: drive.”
Tech Support: “Ok, I’ll walk you through how to find the files.”
Customer: “I wouldn’t think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.”

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ONE-LINERS: Top Ten Reasons to Ask Your Boss For A Raise

10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.

9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance.

8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.

7. You work full time and you still qualify for food stamps.

6. You empty out your piggy bank and then cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham.

5. All you can think about morning, noon and night is clipping grocery coupons.

4. You file your income taxes and the IRS returns them stamped, “Charity Case — Return To Sender.”

3. You set the world record for mailing $1.00 rebate requests to Young America, Minnesota.

2. You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1 bill into your billfold and it goes into shock.

1. You get arrested for taking the coins out of the fountain in the mall.
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In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: “Well me Laddie I got you this time – with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!”

The Newfie says, “No – My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended.”

The Fisheries Officer says, “Trained like how?”

“Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!”

“Likely story!”, the Fisheries Officer exclaims. “Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it’s true.”

So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.

The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, “How about whistling?”

The Newfie says, “What for?”

The Fisheries Officer says, “To call in the lobsters”

The Newfie smiles and replies,

“What lobsters?”

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pic of the day: Chickens & Sheep


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog vendor. He says, “Make me one … with everything.”

The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. The monk asks, “Excuse me, but where’s my change?”

The vendor replies, “Change … must come from within.”

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Another Tech Support Funny…
Customer: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support: “Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?”
Customer: “How?”
Tech Support: “Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.”
Customer: “Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?”
Tech Support: “Um yes, that might be an idea.”

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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

“My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.

Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Billy.

“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

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Husband’s phoning wife: “Honey it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They’ve checked me over and done some tests and took x-rays and an MRI.
The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it didn’t cause any serious damage. However, I have three broken
ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot.”

Wife’s Response: “Who is Paula?”

And if you find that hard to believe, you’ve never been married. 🙂

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QUIP OF THE DAY: By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. – Charles Wadsworth

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. – Beverly Sills

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