August 14, 2014

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. – Maya Angelou

TODAY – AUGUST 14th – THURSDAY

226th day of 2014 with 139 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Creamsicle Day

*V-J Day

*Confetti Cake Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1777 Hans Christian Ørsted, Danish physicist (discovered that electric currents create magnetic fields)
  • 1851 Doc Holiday, Griffin, Georgia, dentist, gambler & gunfighter (friend of Wyatt Earp; Gunfight at the O.K. Corral)
  • 1863 Ernest Thayer, Lawrence, Massachusetts, poet (Casey at the Bat)
  • 1865 Guido Castelnuovo, Venice, Italian mathematician (contributions to algebraic geometry, study of statistics and probability)
  • 1912 Frank Oppenheimer, NYC, New York, physicist (research in nuclear physics during time of Manhattan Project)
  • 1933 Richard R. Ernst, Swiss chemist (Nobel / contributions of the development of Fourier Transform nuclear magnetic resonance spectroscopy and the subsequent development of multi-dimensional NMR techniques)
  • 1940 Alexei Panshin, Lansing, Michigan, science fiction author (Rite of Passage, Anthony Villiers series)
  • 1945 Steve Martin, Waco, Texas, actor and comedian (Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour)
  • 1946 Susan Saint James, Los Angeles, California, actress (The Name of the Game, McMillian & Wife, Kate & Allie)
  • 1947 Danielle Steel, NYC, New York, author (Full Circle, Zoya, Jewels, Mixed Blessings, The Wedding, The Kiss, Answered Prayers, The House)
  • 1950 Gary Larson, Tacoma, Washington, cartoonist (The Far Side)
  • 1956 Rusty Wallace, Arnold, Missouri, NASCAR driver, broadcaster on ESPN
  • 1959 Marcia Gay Harden, La Jolla, California, actress (Into the Wild, The Mist)
  • 1960 Sarah Brightman, English soprano, actress, songwriter & dancer (range of over 3 octaves)
  • 1961 Susan Olsen, Santa Monica, California, actress & artist (Cindy on The Brady Bunch)
  • 1965 Brannon Braga, Bozeman, Montana, writer and executive producer of 24, Star Trek, and FlashForward
  • 1966 Halle Berry, Cleveland, Ohio, actress (Introducing Dorothy Dandridge, X-Men, Die Another Die)
  • 1968 Catherine Bell, London, England, American actress (JAG, Army Wives)
  • 1969 Tracy Dyson, Arcadia, California, NASA Astronaut & chemist (STS-118, Soyuz TMA-18, Expedition 23/24)
  • 1987 Tim Tebow, Makati City, Philippines (parents were Baptist missionaries there), free agent football quarterback; won Heisman Trophy in 2007 (played for Florida Gators)

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“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” – Victor Hugo

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1842 Second Seminole War ends, with the Seminole Indians forced from Florida to Oklahoma.
  • 1885 Japan’s first patent is issued to the inventor of a rust-proof paint.
  • 1888 An audio recording of English composer Arthur Sullivan’s “The Lost Chord”, one of the first recordings of music ever made, is played during a press conference introducing Thomas Edison’s phonograph in London.
  • 1893 France becomes the first country to introduce motor vehicle registration.
  • 1911 United States Senate leaders agree to rotate the office of President pro tempore of the Senate among leading candidates to fill the vacancy left by William P. Frye’s death.
  • 1912 United States Marines invade Nicaragua to support the U.S.-backed government installed there after José Santos Zelaya had resigned three years earlier.
  • 1935 United States Social Security Act passes, creating a government pension system for the retired.
  • 1936 Rainey Bethea is hanged in Owensboro, Kentucky in the last public execution in the United States.
  • 1945 Japan accepts the Allied terms of surrender in World War II and the Emperor records the Imperial Rescript on Surrender (August 15 in Japan Standard Time).
  • 1994 Ilich Ramírez Sánchez, also known as “Carlos the Jackal,” is captured.
  • 2003 Widescale power blackout in the northeast United States and Canada.
  • 2006 Chencholai bombing in which 61 Tamil girls are killed in Sri Lankan Airforce bombing.
  • 2010 The first-ever Youth Olympic Games are held in Singapore.

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Little Lucy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Lucy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Lucy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Lucy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat!”

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A minister was giving the children’s message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, “I’m going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is.” The children nodded eagerly.

“This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)…” No hands went up. “And it is red (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)…” The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. “And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it’s excited (pause)…”

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The minister breathed a sigh of relief and called on him.

“Well,” said the boy, “I know the answer you’re looking for is supposed to be ‘Jesus’ … but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me.”

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ONE-LINERS: “You May Be A Redneck If…”

– Your wedding invitations say “Same time, same place.”

– You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.

– You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.

– Your taxidermist also does your taxes.

– You love lard sandwiches.

– You’ve ever let your dog babysit your kids.

– Your security system is the latch on your screen door.

– Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.

– You’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.

– Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.

– The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.

– There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.

– Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.

– You’ve ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.

– Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.

– You’ve ever put a race car on a prayer list.

– You’ve ever had a dream about beef jerky.

– You’ve used a barstool as a walker.

– You’re driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.

– You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you’re giving him fresh water.

– You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep your hats.

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German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”

Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn’t land.”

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pic of the day: V-J DAY.. The Kiss

photograph by Alfred Eisenstaedt
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Old roofers never die, they just wipe the slate clean.

Old mechanics never die, they just lose their bearings.

Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

Old college presidents never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old tree surgeons never die, they just branch out.

A guy who worked in a coal mine enjoyed painting, but he was too poor to buy canvasses. So he painted on the walls of his cottage. Unfortunately, a gang of youths broke in and defaced his
paintings. They were caught and taken to court, where they were charged with … corrupting the murals of a miner.

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Cooking Dictionary

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,” and “sluDGE.”

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother,
“I got a part in the school play.”
“What part is it?”
“I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
“Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

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One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.

When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”

Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.

However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Most of the men in this town think monogamy is some kind of wood.” –Amy Yasbeck as Peggy Brandt in “The Mask”

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. –Chinese Proverb

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