August 15, 2014

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach

TODAY – AUGUST 15th – FRIDAY

227th day of 2014 with 138 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Relaxation Day

*Lemon Meringue Pie Day

*Assumption of Mary

*Statehood Day in Hawaii

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1769 Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of France (1804-13, 1814-15)
  • 1771 Sir Walter Scott, Scottish novelist and poet (Rob Roy, The Lady of the Lake, Bonnie Dundee)
  • 1858 E. Nesbit, English author of children’s books (The Story of the Treasure Seekers, The Wouldbegoods, The Railway Children)
  • 1885 Edna Ferber, Kalamazoo, Michigan, novelist (Showboat, American Beauty)
  • 1892 Louis de Broglie, Dieppe, France, physicist (Wave nature of electrons, de Broglie wavelength)
  • 1893 Leslie Comrie, New Zealand, astronomer/computing pioneer (founded 1st computing bureau)
  • 1896 Gerty Cori, Prague, Austro-Hungarian Empire, biochemist (Extensive research on carbohydrate metabolism; described the Cori cycle; identified Glucose 1-phosphate)
  • 1896 Leon Theremin, Saint Petersburg, Russian Empire, inventor, most famous for his invention of the theremin, one of the first electronic musical instruments
  • 1896 Paul Outerbridge, American photographer (noted for early use of color photography)
  • 1904 George Klein, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, inventor (include key contributions to the first electric wheelchairs for quadriplegics, the first microsurgical staple gun, the ZEEP nuclear reactor, Canadarm)
  • 1905 Emile St. Godard, from Winnipeg, Canada, dog musher / dog sled racer (1932 Winter Olympics; 1956 only dogsled racer entered into Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame)
  • 1912 Julia Child, Pasadena, California, chef and tv personality (Mastering the Art of French Cooking)
  • 1923 Rose Marie, NYC, New York, actress (The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Doris Day Show, Hollywood Squares)
  • 1925 Mike Connors, Fresno, California, actor (Mannix, Tightrope, Island in the Sky, Today’s F.B.I.)
  • 1950 Princess Anne, England (daughter of Queen Elizabeth II)
  • 1951 Bobby Caldwell, Manhattan, New York, singer and musician (“What You Won’t Do for Love )
  • 1954 Mary Jo Salter, Grand Rapids, Michigan, poet/editor (A Kiss in Space, Norton Anthology of Poetry)
  • 1967 Peter Hermann, New York City, New York, actor (Edge of Darkness, Just Wright )
  • 1968 Debra Messing, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Will & Grace , The Starter Wife )
  • 1972 Ben Affleck, Berkeley, California, actor (Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Changing Lanes, The Sum of All Fears , Daredevil , Good Will Hunting)
  • 1979 Carl Edwards, Columbia Missouri, NASCAR driver (Sprint All-Star Race XXVII winner, 2003 NASCAR Craftsman Truck series Rookie of the Year, 2005 NASCAR Busch Series Rookie of the Year, 2007 NASCAR Busch Series Champion)
  • 1980 Nathalie Press, North London, actress (My Summer of Love, Wasp )
  • 1989 Joe Jonas, Casa Grande, Arizona, actor and singer (Jonas Brothers )

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“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” ― Mark Twain

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1824 Freed American slaves found Liberia.
  • 1843 The Cathedral of Our Lady of Peace in Honolulu, Hawaii is dedicated. Now the cathedral of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Honolulu, it is the oldest Roman Catholic cathedral in continuous use in the United States.
  • 1843 Tivoli Gardens, one of the oldest still intact amusement parks in the world, opens in Copenhagen, Denmark.
  • 1891 San Sebastian Church in Manila, the first all-steel church in Asia, is officially inaugurated and blessed.
  • 1914 A male servant of American architect Frank Lloyd Wright sets fire to the living quarters of the architect’s Wisconsin home, Taliesin, murders seven people and burns the living quarters to the ground.
  • 1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post are killed after their aircraft develops engine problems during takeoff in Barrow, Alaska.
  • 1947 India becomes independent, Islamic part becomes Pakistan.
  • 1948 The Republic of Korea is established south of the 38th Parallel.
  • 1960 Congo (Brazzaville) gains independence from France.
  • 1961 Conrad Schumann flees from East Germany while on duty guarding the construction of the Berlin Wall.
  • 1963 Execution of Henry John Burnett, the last man to be hanged in Scotland.
  • 1965 The Beatles play to nearly 60,000 fans at Shea Stadium in New York City, in an event later seen as marking the birth of stadium rock.
  • 1969 Woodstock Music & Art Fair opens in NY State (Max Yasgur’s Dairy Farm).
  • 1971 President Richard Nixon completes the break from the gold standard by ending convertibility of the United States dollar into gold by foreign investors.
  • 1977 The Big Ear, a radio telescope operated by Ohio State University as part of the SETI project, receives a radio signal from deep space; the event is named the “Wow! signal” from the notation made by a volunteer on the project.

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During the school year, the public library where I work is open on Sunday afternoons. Signs posted around the library read, “Sunday service available 1:30-5:00, September-June.”

One day a woman was returning some books when she noticed one of these signs, “Oh, you have Sunday service now?” she asked me.

“Yes, from 1:30 to 5:00, September through June,” I explained.

“I see,” she said. “And what denomination is it?”

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At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas for the healthier climate.

After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

“Say, is this really a healthy place?”

“It sure is,” the man replied. “When I first arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

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ONE-LINERS: More “You Might Be A Redneck”. . .
“You Might be a Redneck If…”

…You’ve ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.

…You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.

…You’ve ever worn flip-flops to a funeral home.

…You have visitation rights to a dog.

…You continue to show your cleavage years after anyone wants to see it.

…You can’t remember where your lawn mower is.

…You’ve ever flirted over a drive-thru window speaker.

…You’ve ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.

…You’ve ever told a bill collector you were dead.

…You named each of your children after the car they were conceived in.

…Your voice changed while you were in the second grade.
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s a pastor I get many excuses why people cannot attend church on Sunday Morning.

One particular Sunday a woman called to tell me she was sick and could not make it to church. As it so happened, that Sunday we were short on food for a men’s fellowship breakfast.

I was elected to go to Wal-Mart to pick up more food. While there I ran into the sick woman, I had spoken with earlier.

I said, “I just spoke with you a few minutes ago and you told me you were ill, what happened? Did you have a sudden recovery?”

“Yep,” she said. “I was just practicing that faith you preach about all the time. I thought if I went to Wal-Mart on faith, I would have my miracle! And presto I’m all better now!”

“Now that you’ve had your miracle,” I asked, “Are you coming to church?”

“Nope,” she replied emphatically, “I’m going shopping.”

As she headed off down the isle she added over her shoulder, “If I received a miracle at Wal-Mart, who knows what else I can find in here!”

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pic of the day: Squirrel on Chair

SQUIRREL-CHAIR_2653
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.

He quit his job on the oil rig because it was boring.

The cross-eyed dog kept barking up the wrong tree.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Bird of prey: A religious eagle

What is the world’s best butter? A goat

Sign in a pet store: Caw us and we will tweet you right.

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Several years ago as more newcomers flocked to the state a bumper sticker that said simply, “Native Texan” became a common site around the Lone Star State. Not to be outdone by the “attitude” of native Texans, many newcomers adopted a bummer sticker that said with an equal amount of Texas Pride, “Wasn’t Born in Texas, But Got Here As Fast As I Could.”
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A man went grocery shopping with his son. They had the cart, they had the list…

Then the father whispered to the child, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”
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Rules for Good Housekeeping

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

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Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten lost in the school library. No one was surprised, since the library is large and has a confusing layout.

When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she admitted she hadn’t actually found the exit herself. She’d used an emergency phone to call for help.

Puzzled, I asked, “How did your rescuers find you if you didn’t know where you were?”

“Easy,” she said. “I started reading titles of books around me, and they located my position from the card catalog.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. – Sam Levenson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try. Once you find something you love to do, be the best at doing it. – Debbi Fields

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