August 18, 2014

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

TODAY – AUGUST 18th – MONDAY

230th day of 2014 with 135 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Bad Poetry Day

*Vietnam Veterans’ Day (Australia, also called Long Tan Day)

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1587 Virginia Dare, Roake Colony (North Carolina), first American born of English parents
  • 1685 Brook Taylor, Edmonton, Middlesex, England, mathematician (Taylor’s theorem, Taylor’s series)
  • 1774 Meriwether Lewis, Ablemarle County, Virginia, explorer (Lewis & CLark Expedition)
  • 1824 Pierre-Émile Martin, Bourges, France, engineer who adapted the steelmaking process by using the open-hearth regenerative furnace invented by Charles William and Friedrich Siemens
  • 1904 Max Factor Jr, Polish born make-up artist/cosmetics entrepreneur (Max Factor Cosmetics)
  • 1921 Lydia Litvyak, Moscow, Russia, Soviet pilot, one of only two female flying aces
  • 1927 Marvin Harris, Brooklyn, New York, anthropological historian and theoretician considered to be a generalist with an interest in the global processes that account for human origins and the evolution of human cultures.
  • 1936 Robert Redford, Santa Monica, California, actor (Sting, Candidate, Natural, Great Gatsby)
  • 1943 Martin Mull, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Relative Strangers, Killers)
  • 1952 Patrick Swayze, Houston, Texas, actor & singer (Red Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Road House, Ghost, North and South, The Beast)
  • 1958 Madeleine Stowe, Los Angeles, California, actress (Stakeout, 12 Monkeys, We Were Soldiers, Revenge)
  • 1961 Glenn Plummer, Richmond, California, actor, producer, & screenwriter (Speed, The Day After Tomorrow, Sons of Anarchy, Southland)
  • 1969 Christian Slater, New York City, NY, actor / producer (Heathers, FernGuly, Windtalkers, Hollow Man 2, Beaking In)
  • 1970 Malcolm Jamal Warner, Jersey City, New Jersey, actor (Cosby Show, The Tuskegee Airmen, Jeremiah, Community, Reed Between the Lines, Sons of Anarchy)
  • 1974 Nicole Krauss, New York City, NY, author (Man Walks Into a Room, The History of Love, Great House)
  • 1977 Mizuo Peck, New York City, NY, actress (Sacagawea in Night at the Museum movies)
  • 1994 Jessie Flower, Southern Indiana, voice actress (Toph Bei Fong in animated television series Avatar: The Last Airbender)

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To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often. – Winston Churchill

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1587Virginia Dare, granddaughter of Governor John White of the Colony of Roanoke, becomes the first English child born in the Americas.
  • 1590 John White, the governor of the Colony of Roanoke, returns from a supply-trip to England and finds his settlement deserted.
  • 1868 French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium in solar spectrum during eclipse.
  • 1903 German engineer Karl Jatho allegedly flies his self-made, motored gliding airplane four months before the first flight of the Wright Brothers.
  • 1904 Belle Isle Aquarium opened in the U.S. This facility is the oldest, continuously running aquarium in America. Several other institutions opened earlier but since have closed or moved to multiple different buildings. Belle Isle Aquarium is still in its original building and site as the one in which it opened.
  • 1920 19th Amendment to US constitution passes, guaranteeing women’s suffrage.
  • 1938 Thousand Islands Bridge, connecting New York with Ontario, Canada over the St. Lawrence River, dedicated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
  • 1960 First oral contraceptive marketed by the Searle Drug Company in America.
  • 1971 Australia and New Zealand decide to withdraw their troops from Vietnam.
  • 1992 Wang Laboratories files for bankruptcy.
  • 2000 A Federal jury finds the US EPA guilty of discrimination against Dr. Marsha Coleman-Adebayo, under the Civil Rights Act of 1964, later inspiring passage of the No FEAR Act (in defense of “whistle-blowers”).
  • 2005 Dennis Rader is sentenced to 175 years in prison for the BTK serial killings.

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According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:

Wash. Biol. Surv.

Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

“Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.”

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

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The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things: First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?”

One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.”

“I see. And what did you use to break the bars?” the warden asked.

Replied the spokesman, “French Toast…”

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It’s not what you say, but the way you say it.

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: “Time stands still when I look into your eyes.”

The girl was very flattered.

What the boy had really meant was, “You have a face that would stop a clock.”

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Classic Bumper Stickers

– We’re staying together for the sake of the cats.

– Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

– This is not an abandoned vehicle.

– I don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

– It’s as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

– Life’s too short to dance with ugly men.

– Life’s too short to dance with ugly women.

– My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.

– When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

– I is a college student.

– Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

– Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

– Eschew obfuscation.

– Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.
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A man goes to the doctor to find out about his tests. “It’s real bad, I’m afraid”, says the doc “you’ve got a disease so new that it hasn’t even got a name yet – we just call it ‘Blue 56’. The only certain thing is that you’ll be dead in three days”

Naturally the guy is devastated, and goes into a big depression. His girlfriend suggests they go to Vegas to cheer him up just a bit till the end comes. So he goes reluctantly. As he walks into the Casino, he’s the millionth customer and wins a brand new Rolls Royce. Then he pulls the handle of a slot machine as he passes, and wins the golden jackpot of $7m. He sits down for a rest at the Blackjack table and wins $100,000 – straight 21’s and he can’t even be bothered to turn the cards. Weighed down with money, he throws it onto the nearest table. But it’s the roulette wheel and the money is on 22 – which promptly comes up!

“Jeez,” says the croupier, “I never seen luck like that in my whole life!”

“No, you don’t understand” says the guy “I’ve got blue 56”

“Woahhhh! Now you’ve won the raffle!!”

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pic of the day: Off Pensacola Beach, Florida

boat in ocean picture
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: What do you call a cow with no feet?
A: Lack-toes deficient.

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.

Q: Why are cows kept in a pasture?
A: So they’ll give pasteurized milk.

Q: Why is a woman on a shopping spree like a bull?
A: She charges everything.

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A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband’s complaint that he leads a dog’s life is probably well founded.

“He comes in the house with muddy feet,” she said, “tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture.”
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A girl was visiting her gooberette friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The gooberette responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” answered the gooberette.”They’re watch dogs!”

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The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day”, the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads low bridge ahead” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. – Rod Stewart

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Never become so much of an expert that you stop gaining expertise. View life as a continuous learning experience. – Denis Waitley

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