AUGUST 6, 2014

If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on. – Sheryl Sandberg

TODAY – AUGUST 6th – WEDNESDAY

218th day of 2014 with 147 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Wiggle Your Toes Day

*National Root Beer Float Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1766 William Hyde Wollaston, East Dereham, Norfolk, chemist (famous for discovering two chemical elements and for developing a way to process platinum ore)
  • 1809 Alfred Tennyson, English poet (The Charge of the Light Brigade, Crossing the Bar)
  • 1861 Edith Roosevelt, Norwich, Connecticut, First Lady of the United States (1901-1909)
  • 1866 Matthew Henson, Nanjemoy, Maryland, Arctic explorer (possibly 1st person to reach geographic North Pole)
  • 1881 Sir Alexander Fleming, Lochfield, Ayrshire, scientist (Nobel / discovered penicillin)
  • 1911 Lucille Ball, Jamestown, New York, actress & comedienne (I Love Lucy)
  • 1917 Barbara Cooney, Brooklyn, New York, children’s book author and illustrator (Chanticleer and the Fox, Ox-Cart Man, Miss Rumphius, Basket Moon)
  • 1917 Robert Mitchum, Bridgeport, Connecticut, actor (Cape Fear, Scrooged, War and Remembrance, The winds of War, The Big Sleep)
  • 1925 Barbara Bates, Denver, Colorado, actress (Cheaper by the Dozen, All About Eve, The Caddy, Rhapsody, Apache Territory)
  • 1926 Elisabeth Beresford, British author (creator of The Wombles)
  • 1928 Andy Warhol, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, artist (pop art)
  • 1934 Piers Anthony, English writer (Series: Aton/Worlds of Chthon, Battle Circle, Xanth, Apprentice Adept, Geodyssey)
  • 1938 Peter Bonerz, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, actor (The Bob Newhart Show )
  • 1943 Jon Postel, computer scientist (Editor of the Request for Comment (RFC) document series, administered Internet Assigned Numbers Authority (IANA) until his death)
  • 1951 Catherine Hicks, New York, New York, actress (Dr. Gillian Taylor / Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home; Child’s Play, Ryan’s Hope, Marilyn: The Untold Story)
  • 1952 Vinnie Vincent, Bridgeport, Connecticut, musician (Kiss)
  • 1956 Stepfanie Kramer, Los Angeles, California, actress (Hunter )
  • 1972 Paolo Bacigalupi, Paonia, Colorado, author (The Windup Girl, Ship Breaker, The Alchemist, The Drowned Cities)
  • 1972 Geri Halliwell, Watford, Hertfordshire, England, singer (Spice Girls)
  • 1973 Vera Farmiga, Passaic County, New Jersey, actress (UC: Undercover )
  • 1974 Ever Carradine, Los Angeles, California, actress (Dead & Breakfast, Lucky 13, Once and Again, Commander in Chief, Eureka)
  • 1976 Soleil Moon Frye, Glendora, California, actress (Punky Brewster; Sabrina, the Teenage Witch )
  • 1982 Adrianne Curry, Joliet, Illinois, model, actress, and producer (1st winner of America’s Next Top Model, Half & Half, Hot Properties, Fallen Angels, Jack Rio)
  • 1990 JonBenét Ramsey, Atlanta, Georgia, child model (murder victim)

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The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they don’t want live under the laws they’ve passed.

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1787 Sixty proof sheets of the Constitution of the United States are delivered to the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia.
  • 1819 The first private military school in the U.S., Norwich University, is founded in Vermont.
  • 1890 The first person to be executed by using an electric chair was murderer William Kemmler at Auburn Prison in New York.
  • 1901 The contiguous reservation of Kiowa land in Oklahoma is effectively dissolved as it is opened for white settlement.
  • 1926 In New York City, the Warner Brothers’ Vitaphone system premieres with the movie Don Juan starring John Barrymore.
  • 1942 Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands becomes the first reigning queen to address a joint session of the United States Congress.
  • 1945 World War II: Hiroshima is devastated when the atomic bomb “Little Boy” is dropped by the United States B-29 Enola Gay. Around 70,000 people are killed instantly, and some tens of thousands die in subsequent years from burns and radiation poisoning.
  • 1965 US President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Voting Rights Act of 1965 into law.
  • 1965 The largest swimming pool in Europe was opened in Fürstenfeld, Austria.
  • 1993 Heavy rains and debris kill 72 in the Kagoshima and Aira areas of Kyūshū, Japan.
  • 1996 NASA announces that the ALH 84001 meteorite, thought to originate from Mars, contains evidence of primitive life-forms.
  • 2012 NASA’s Curiosity rover lands on Mars.

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The supervisor of my work section recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane of hair.

He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a younger man seem more mature.

“How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?” I asked.

“Still employed,” was his answer.

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After an exhausting weekend, I woke up Monday morning and sleepily packed lunch for my eight-year-old. When I got
home from work late that day, she handed me a note from her teacher, requesting that I see her.

“What’s this all about?” I asked sternly.

My daughter silently opened her lunch box, showing me the drink I had packed for her that morning. It was a can of
beer.

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ONE-LINERS: 7 General Put Downs:
1) Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
3) I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
4) How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
5) Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
6) She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them: Joan Rivers on Bo Derek.
7) Is it time for your medication or mine?

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Working on a small town ambulance squad, it was not uncommon for me to stop at the supermarket to buy food for dinner after a call. This one time the floor was wet from the newly-installed produce sprayers. Down I went, hitting my head hard. When I came to, the manager of the store was sitting beside me telling me not to move, that he had called 911. At the same time my pager went off and he asked, “What was that?”

I said “My pager. I’m 911.”

He looked at me, shocked “Boy, you guys are fast!”

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pic of the day: Magnolia Blossom

white bloom

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

“My dog has a fever! What should I do?”

“Give him mustard.”

“Mustard?!? How is that going to help?”

“Everybody knows that mustard is the best thing for a hot dog.”

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Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?” The boy answered yes.

Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree.”

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Detroit is quite a football town. One Sunday when a big game was scheduled, our usually crowded church was almost empty.

Before the service ended, our priest surveyed the congregation and remarked, “It looks like the Lions are beating the Christians once again.”
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While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
“US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!”
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
“God! Now you’ve screwed everything up!
It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US
Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA:

ROSETTA COMET: The European Space Agency’s Rosetta probe has reached 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko and is maneuvering to go into orbit around the comet’s core. This is an historic event. After Rosetta goes into orbit, it will follow the comet around the sun, observing its activity from point-blank range. Moreover, in November, Rosetta will drop a lander onto the comet’s strange surface. Check http://spaceweather.com for more information and links to a live webcast of today’s rendezvous.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” – Aesop

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get. ~ Frank A. Clark

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