August 7, 2014

Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. – Vince Lombardi

TODAY – August 7th – THURSDAY

219th day of 2014 with 146 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Raspberries ‘n Cream Day (Fresh Fruit or Raspberry Ice Cream)

*National Lighthouse Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1868 Ladislaus Bortkiewicz, Russian mathematician (known for Poisson distribution, Transformation problem)
  • 1876 Mata Hari, Dutch exotic dancer, convicted as spy for Germany during WWI
  • 1903 Louis Leakey, British archaeologist & author (major role in creating organizations for future research in Africa)
  • 1925 M. S. Swaminathan, Kumbakonam, Tamil Nadu, Indian scientist (Father of the Green Revolution in India)
  • 1928 Betsy Byars, Charlotte, North Carolina, author (Summer of the Swans, The Night Swimmers, Wanted… Mud Blossom)
  • 1933 Jerry Pournelle, Shreveport, Louisiana, author (Exiles to Glory, Starswarm / with Larry Niven: The Mote in God’s Eye, Lucifer’s Hammer)
  • 1939 Anjanette Comer, Dawson, Texas, actress (The Loved One, The Appaloosa, Banning)
  • 1942 B.J. Thomas, Hugo, Oklahoma, singer (Hooked on a Feeling, Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head, Rock and Roll Lullaby)
  • 1942 Garrison Keillor, Anoka, Minnesota, author and radio host (A Prairie Home Companion)
  • 1955 Wayne Knight, NYC, New York, actor (Seinfeld, 3rd Rock from the Sun, Jurassic Park, Space Jam, Tarzan, Rat Race)
  • 1960 David Duchovny, NYC, New York, actor (Fox Mulder on The X-Files, Californication)
  • 1963 Harold Perrineau, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Lost, The Matrix, The Unusuals, Sons of Anarchy, Oz, The Edge)
  • 1966 Jimmy Wales, Huntsville, Alabama, internet entrepreneur (co-founder & promoter of Wikipedia)
  • 1971 Rachel York, Orlando, Florida, actress and singer (City of Angels, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Les Misérables)
  • 1978 Cirroc Lofton, Los Angeles, California, actor (Jake Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine; The Hoop Life)
  • 1979 Eric Johnson, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, American actor (Smallville )

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It isn’t so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going. – Groucho Marx

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1679 The brigantine Le Griffon, commissioned by René Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle, is towed to the south-eastern end of the Niagara River, to become the first ship to sail the upper Great Lakes of North America.
  • 1782 George Washington orders the creation of the Badge of Military Merit to honor soldiers wounded in battle. It is later renamed to the more poetic Purple Heart.
  • 1789 The United States War Department is established.
  • 1791 United States troops destroy the Miami town of Kenapacomaqua near the site of present-day Logansport, Indiana in the Northwest Indian War.
  • 1794 U.S. President George Washington invokes the Militia Law of 1792 to suppress the Whiskey Rebellion in western Pennsylvania.
  • 1909 Alice Huyler Ramsey and three friends become the first women to complete a transcontinental auto trip, taking 59 days to travel from New York City to San Francisco.
  • 1927 The Peace Bridge opens between Fort Erie, Ontario and Buffalo, New York.
  • 1947 Thor Heyerdahl’s balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, smashes into the reef at Raroia in the Tuamotu Islands after a 101-day, 7,000 kilometres (4,300 mi) journey across the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to prove that pre-historic peoples could have traveled from South America.
  • 1959 The Lincoln Memorial design on the U.S. penny goes into circulation. It replaces the “sheaves of wheat” design, and was minted until 2008.
  • 1967 Vietnam War: the People’s Republic of China agrees to give North Vietnam an undisclosed amount of aid in the form of a grant.
  • 1970 California judge Harold Haley is taken hostage in his courtroom and killed during in an effort to free George Jackson from police custody.
  • 1976 Viking program: Viking 2 enters orbit around Mars.
  • 1978 U.S. President Jimmy Carter declares a federal emergency at Love Canal due to toxic waste that had been negligently disposed of.
  • 1979 Several tornadoes struck the city of Woodstock, Ontario, Canada and the surrounding communities.
  • 1981 The Washington Star ceases all operations after 128 years of publication.
  • 1985 Takao Doi, Mamoru Mohri and Chiaki Mukai are chosen to be Japan’s first astronauts.
  • 1989 U.S. Congressman Mickey Leland (D-TX) and 15 others die in a plane crash in Ethiopia.
  • 1998 The United States embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania and Nairobi, Kenya kill approximately 212 people.

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A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.

Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN’T YOU AFTER ALL — $125.

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
“Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful,” Morris replied.
To which doctor said, “I didn’t say that, Morris. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful!!’

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ONE-LINERS: Martha Way vs. My Way

Martha’s way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone.
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Martha’s way: Use a meat baster to “squeeze” your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you’ll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.
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Martha’s way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy a mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
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Martha’s way: To prevent eggshells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren’t you going to take the shells off anyway?
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Martha’s way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.
My way: Eat out every night and avoid cooking.
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Martha’s way: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won’t be any stains.’
My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won’t be any leftovers.
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Martha’s way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
My way: Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.
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Martha’s way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix me up”.
My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. My motto: If it’s cooked, you will eat it no matter how bad it tastes.
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More of Martha Way vs. My Way

Martha’s way Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.
My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be “soft”?
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Martha’s way: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness.
My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.
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Martha’s way: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
My way: Go ask the cute, muscular neighbor to do it.
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Martha’s way: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
My way: Instant mashed potatoes will now be next to the anti-bacterial soap in a handy dispenser next to my sink.
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Martha’s way: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer!
– Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
– Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
– Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
– Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
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pic of the day: Seagulls in Flight


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I came down with laryngitis last week. This was the day of our fifth grade class field trip to the zoo and I didn’t want to miss it, so I went to school in spite of having lost my voice.

The highlight of the visit was the petting zoo. As I was petting a baby Shetland Pony, my teacher asked, “How are you today?”

I responded, “Oh, I’m feeling a little horse.”
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Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

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It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn’t coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.

“Are you Mr. Johnson?” the asked? He admitted that he was.

“Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?” Again, the man admitted that was he.

“And what did you do then,” the troopers asked.” The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

“Where is your car now?” the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.

“May we see the car?” asked the troopers. The man answered, “Sure,” and opened the garage.

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

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During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn’t hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt, he asked me what my husband did.

When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, “This might hurt a little more than I thought.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. – Charles Swindoll

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