Jokes And Trivia for August 8, 2013

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

TODAY – AUGUST 8th – THURSDAY

220th day of 2013 with 145 follow. 

Holidays for Today:

*Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

*National Zucchini Day

*National Frozen Custard Day

*Happiness Happens Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1814 Esther Morris, Tioga County, New York, suffragist and the first U. S. woman judge
  • 1879 Bob Smith, St. Johnsbury, Vermont, physician and surgeon, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
  • 1884 Sara Teasdale, St. Louis, Missouri, poet (1st Pulitzer Prize-1918-”Love Songs”)
  • 1896 Majorie Rawlings, Washington, D.C., author (The Yearling, Jacob’s Ladder, The Sojourner, The Secret River)
  • 1901 Ernest O. Lawrence, Canton, South Dakota, physicist (invention, utilization, and improvement of the cyclotron atom-smasher)
  • 1902 Paul Dirac, Bristol, England, physicist (contributions to the early development of both quantum mechanics and quantum electrodynamics)
  • 1921 Esther Williams, Inglewood, California, actress/swimmer (Dangerous when Wet)
  • 1926 Richard Anderson, Long Branch, New Jersey, actor (The Six Million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman )
  • 1932 Mel Tillis, Tampa, Florida, country singer/stutterer (Who’s Julie, M-M-Mel)
  • 1937 Dustin Hoffman, Los Angeles, California, actor (Papillon, Marathon Man, Midnight Cowboy, Little Big Man, Lenny, All the President’s Men, Kramer vs. Kramer, Tootsie, Rain Man, Wag the Dog )
  • 1944 Brooke Bundy, New York City, New York, actress (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and its sequel )
  • 1947 Larry Wilcox, San Diego, California, actor (CHiPs )
  • 1949 Keith Carradine, San Mateo, California, actor (King Fu, Young Guns, Deadwood)
  • 1950 Ken Kutaragi, Tokyo, Japan, Founder of PlayStation
  • 1958 Deborah Norville, Dalton, Georgia, television host
  • 1973 Scott Stapp, Cherokee, North Carolina, singer (Creed)
  • 1976 JC Chasez, Washington, DC, singer (NSYNC)
  • 1976 Tawny Cypress, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, actress (Heroes )
  • 1977 Lindsay Sloane, Long Island, New York, actress (Bring It On, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” – Marilyn Monroe

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1220 Sweden is defeated by Estonian tribes in the Battle of Lihula.
  • 1794Joseph Whidbey leads an expedition to search for the Northwest Passage near Juneau, Alaska.
  • 1839 Beta Theta Pi is founded in Oxford, Ohio.
  • 1863 American Civil War: following his defeat in the Battle of Gettysburg, General Robert E. Lee sends a letter of resignation to Confederate President Jefferson Davis (which is refused upon receipt).
  • 1876 Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph.
  • 1908 Wilbur Wright makes his first flight at a racecourse at Le Mans, France. It is the Wright Brothers’ first public flight.
  • 1910The US Army installs the first tricycle landing gear on the Army’s Wright Flyer.
  • 1911 The millionth patent is filed in the United States Patent Office by Francis Holton for a tubeless vehicle tire.
  • 1945 The United Nations Charter is signed for the United States by President Harry S. Truman. The U.S. was the third nation to join.
  • 1946 First flight of the Convair B-36.
  • 1967 The Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) is founded by Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore and Thailand.
  • 1974 Watergate scandal: U.S. President Richard Nixon announces his resignation, effective the next day.
  • 1989 Space Shuttle program: STS-28 Mission – Space Shuttle Columbia takes off on a secret five-day military mission.
  • 2000 Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor and 30 years after its discovery by undersea explorer E. Lee Spence and 5 years after being filmed by a dive team funded by novelist Clive Cussler.
  • 2007 An EF2 tornado touches down in Kings County and Richmond County, New York State, the most powerful tornado in New York to date and the first in Brooklyn since 1889.
  • 2009Typhoon Morakot makes landfall in Taiwan, and almost the entire southern region of Taiwan is flooded by record-breaking rainfall.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, “I think it’s WOOMB.”

The second replied, “No, it must be WOOOOMBH.”

The third said, “You both have it wrong — it’s WOOM.”

The fourth stated, “No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB.”

At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, “Look. It’s WOMB. That’s it, that’s all there is to it.” Then she left.

Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, “Well. I don’t know. A young girl like that. I don’t see how she could know. I’ll bet she’s never even heard an elephant pass wind!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn’t know what is wrong with them.

After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong.

So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them.

Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can’t come to any conclusions either.

So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook.

Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, “I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: You Know You’ve Still Had Too Much Coffee When…

*You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug

*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee

*You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table

*The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you

*Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house

*You’re so wired you pick up FM radio

*Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans”

*Instant coffee takes too long

*You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can

*You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”

*Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position

*Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

It is said that physicist Niels Bohr had a horseshoe hung above his desk. It was correctly oriented, ends up, so that the “luck wouldn’t run out.”

One day a friend saw it, and asked, “Why do you have that up there? Surely you don’t think it will bring good luck!”

Niels replied, “Of course I don’t. That’s the most ridiculous and absurd claptrap I’ve ever heard. Of course I don’t believe it would bring good luck. However, I’ve been told that a horseshoe brings good luck whether your believe in it or not…”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Bumblebee on Hydrangea Bloom

picture of bumblebee

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Sighing, the professor rapidly scanned the English 101 term paper on “Early American Railways” submitted by the class dunce, determined almost at a glance that large portions had been lifted verbatim and without attribution from Clemens’ “The Gilded Age” and “Innocents Abroad.”

He assigned a failing mark to the pathetic fraud, and scrawled in red across the cover sheet, “Come, sir, this is TOO, TOO TWAIN.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Dear Algebra,

Please stop asking us to find your “X”.

She’s never coming back.

And don’t ask “Y”.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hunting Flies,” he responded.

“Oh!, Killed any?” she asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”

“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – douglas Adams

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *