Jokes and Trivia for February 1, 2013

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. – Truman Capote

TODAY – FEBRUARY 1st – FRIDAY

32nd day of 2013 with 333 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* Women’s Heart Health Day

* Robinson Crusoe Day

* National Baked Alaska Day

* National Freedom Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1901 Clark Gable, Cadiz, Ohio, actor (Gone With The Wind)
  • 1909 George Beverly Shea, Canadian singer (Billy Graham Crusades)
  • 1931 Boris Yeltsin, 1st President of the Russian Federation
  • 1937 Don Everly, Brownie, Kentucky, musician (Everly Brothers)
  • 1940 Bibi Besch, Vienna, Austria, actress (Dr. Carol Marcus/Star Trek 2, The Beast Within)
  • 1941 Jerry Spinelli, Norristown, Pennsylvania, author of children’s novels (Maniac Magee, Wringer)
  • 1942 Terry Jones, Welsh actor and writer  (Monty Python)
  • 1947 Jessica Savitch, Kennett Square, Pennsylvania, journalist (PBS Frontline, NBC Nightly News)
  • 1961 Daniel Tani, Ridley Park, Pennsylvania, NASA astronaut (100th spacewalk on the International Space Station)
  • 1965 Princess Stéphanie of Monaco
  •  1968 Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis, Tennessee, singer and actress
  • 1968 Pauly Shore, Hollywood, California, comedian (Totally Pauly, Encino Man)
  • 1979 Rachelle LeFevre, Canadian actress (Victoria/Twilight series)
  • 1985 Rachael Scdoris, Bend, Oregon, dog musher and cross country runner (1st legally blind person to compete in Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race)

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In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed. Sid Caesar

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1790 – Supreme Court convenes for the first time in New York City.
  • 1861 – Texas secedes from the United States during the American Civil War.
  • 1865 – President Abraham Lincoln signs the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.
  • 1893 – Thomas A. Edison finishes construction of the first motion picture studio, the Black Maria in West Orange, New Jersey.
  • 1920 – The Royal Canadian Mounted Police begins operations.
  • 1957 – Felix Wankel’s first working prototype DKM 54 of the Wankel engine was running at the NSU research and development department Versuchsabteilung TX in Germany.
  • 1968 – The New York Central Railroad and the Pennsylvania Railroad are merged to form the ill-fated Penn Central Transportation.
  • 1979 – Convicted bank robber Patty Hearst is released from prison after her sentence was commuted by President Jimmy Carter.
  • 1992 – The Chief Judicial Magistrate of Bhopal court declares Warren Anderson, ex-CEO of Union Carbide, a fugitive under Indian law for failing to appear in the Bhopal Disaster case.
  • 2003 – Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates during reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere, killing all seven astronauts aboard.
  • 2005 – Canada introduces the Civil Marriage Act, making Canada the fourth country to sanction same-sex marriage.

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At the beginning of our junior year of high school our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form describing our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations.

Where it read “Vocational Plans” she had written, “Disney Orlando.”

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I was sitting on my lawn sunning myself and reading when I was startled by a fairly late model car that crashed through my hedge and csmr to rest just in front of me. I helped the elderly driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

I noted, “It’s quite remarkable that you are still driving at your age.”

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m old enough that I don’t need a license any more.”

“How is that possible?”

“The last time my doctor examined me, he asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of a drawer, and as he cut the license into pieces he said, ‘You won’t be needing this any more.’ So I thanked him and drove home.”

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ONE-LINERS: Things You’ll Never Hear In A Western Movie

“I reckon I’ll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!”

“Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let’s draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution.”

“Can we hold off on this duel fer a few minutes? I gotta use the little boys’ room.”

“Let’s see … hardtack and pemmican … that’s three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches.”

“You ‘n’ Slim round up them strays, and I’ll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue.”

“That’s him! That’s the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!”

“He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration.”

“Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?”

“It’s like I keep tellin’ ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge.”

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pic of the day: Farm Animals on a Winter Day

picture of goat, llama and sheep

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

“I wouldn’t give that a grade of A,” Tom said beratingly.
—–
“I was wrong about the kidnappers leaving a ransom note,” Tom stated mistakenly.
—–
“These rods help support my bicycle rim”, Tom spoke.
—–
“This rare sea creature has a furry covering just like a sheep does,” said Tom wolfishly.
—–
“Prisoners should are no longer allowed to tweet from their cell phones,” said the warden, completely out of context.
—–
“I used to command a battalion of German ants,” said Tom exuberantly.

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Bubba calls 9-1-1. “You gotta come quick! My wife is having a heart attack!!”

“We’ll send an ambulance. What’s the address?”

“I’m out here on Eucalyptus Road.”

“OK, ahh, how do you spell that?”

Silence, followed by “Uh, what say I just drag ‘er down to Oak street and you can pick ‘er up there?”

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A blonde buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. The car works perfectly fine during the day, But at night it just won’t move at all.

After trying to drive the car at night for a week without any luck, she angrily takes the car to the Jaguar dealer. The mechanic examines the vehicle and finds nothing wrong.

He asks the blonde, “Ma’am, are you sure you’re using the correct gearshift selections?”

Full of anger, the blonde replies, “How on earth could you ask such a question? I’m not stupid you know! Of course I’m using the right gears; I use “D” during the Day and “N” at Night.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: BAKED ALASKA. 

~Also known as: omelette á la norvégienne, Norwegian omelette, omelette surprise, glace au four.

~Baked Alaska consists of hard ice cream on a bed of sponge cake, the whole  thing is then covered with uncooked meringue and baked.

~Baked Alaska and similar desserts take advantage of the insulating properties of the trapped air in the cellular structure of foams (the meringue and sponge cake) which keeps the heat from reaching the ice cream.

~A guest of Thomas Jefferson at a White House dinner in 1802 described the dessert as “Ice-cream very good, crust wholly dried, crumbled into  thin flakes.”

~American physicist Benjamin Thompson  (Count Rumford) claimed to have created it in 1804, after investigating the heat resistance of beaten egg whites. This was called omelette surprise or omelette á la norvégienne.

~The name Baked Alaska originated at Delmonico’s Restaurant in New York City in 1876, and was created in honor of the newly acquired territory of Alaska.

~It is then supposedly later popularized worldwide by Jean Giroix, chef in 1895 at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great. – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. Dr. Denis Waitley