Jokes and Trivia for August 9, 2013

“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” – Mark Twain

TODAY – AUGUST 9th – FRIDAY

221st day of 2013 with 144 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Rice Pudding Day

*Book Lover’s Day

*International Day of the World’s Indigenous People

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1537 Francesco Barozzi, Italian mathematician, astronomer and humanist (geometry of Euclid)
  • 1593 Izaak Walton, English writer/angler (The Complete Angler)
  • 1776 Amedeo Avogadro, Turin, Italy, chemist (contributions to molecular theory, including what is known as Avogadro’s law)
  • 1896 Erich Hückel, Berlin, Germany, physicist (The Debye–Hückel theory of electrolytic solutions & The Hückel method of approximate molecular orbital (MO) calculations on π electron systems)
  • 1896 Jean Piaget, Neuchâtel, Switzerland, psychologist (theory of cognitive development )
  • 1899 P. L. Travers, Maryborough, Queensland, Australia, author (Mary Poppins)
  • 1911 William A. Fowler, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, astrophysicist (nuclear reactions – Nobel 1983)
  • 1922 Philip Larkin, Coventry, England, poet (The North Ship)
  • 1925 David A. Huffman, Ohio, computer scientist (creator of Huffman coding)
  • 1927 Marvin Minsky, New York City, New York, Computer Scientist (Turing Award winner /Artificial Intelligence)
  • 1927 Daniel Keyes, Brooklyn, New York, author (Flowers for Algernon)
  • 1927 Robert Shaw, England, actor (Deep, Jaws, Sting, Black Sunday)
  • 1935 Beverlee McKinsey, McAlester, Oklahoma, actress (Another World, Texas, Guiding Light)
  • 1944 Sam Elliot, Sacramento, California, actor (We Were Soldiers, Big Chill, Fatal Beauty, The Golden Compass, Avenger)
  • 1949 Jonathan Kellerman, NYC, psychologist/writer (psychopathology, Alex Delaware mysteries/suspense)
  • 1957 Melanie Griffith, NYC, actress (Something Wild, Working Girl, voice of bird in Stuart Little II, Nip/Tuck)
  • 1963 Whitney Houston, Newark, New Jersey, singer/actress (One Moment in Time, The Bodyguard, The Preacher’s Wife)
  • 1967 Deion Sanders, Fort Myers FL, football player
  • 1968 Gillian Anderson, Chicago IL, actress (Dana Scully – X Files, Moro in Princess Monoke)
  • 1970 Arion Salazar, Oakland, California, musician (Third Eye Blind)
  • 1976 Jessica Capshaw, Columbia, Missouri, actress (Jamie Stringer – The Practice; Dr. Robbins – Grey’s Anatomy)
  • 1983 Ashley Johnson, Camarillo, California, actress (Growing Pains, What Women Want, Teen Titans, Ben 10 Alien Force)
  • 1989 Jason Heyward, Ridgewood, New Jersey, baseball player

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“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” – Oscar Wilde

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1173 Construction of the (Leaning) Tower of Pisa begins; and it takes two centuries to complete.
  • 1483 First mass in the Sistine Chapel.
  • 1842 US-Canada border east of Rocky Mountains defined by Webster-Ashburton Treaty.
  • 1859 First U.S. patent (No. 25,076) for an escalator idea called “Revolving Stairs” was issued to Nathan Ames, of Saugus, Massachusetts.
  • 1892 Thomas Edison receives a patent for a two-way telegraph.
  • 1902 Edward VII and Alexandra of Denmark are crowned King and Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.
  • 1907 The first Boy Scout encampment concludes at Brownsea Island in Southern England.
  • 1930 Betty Boop debuts in Max Fleischer’s animated cartoon Dizzy Dishes.
  • 1942 Indian leader, Mahatma Gandhi is arrested in Bombay by British forces, launching the Quit India Movement.
  • 1944 Smokey the Bear debuts on US Forest Service posters.
  • 1945 Atomic bomb, “Fat Man”, dropped by the US B-29 Bockscaron on Japan, destroying part of Nagasaki.
  • 1965 Singapore seceded from Malaysia and gained independence.
  • 1965 A fire at a Titan missile base near Searcy, Arkansas kills 53 construction workers.
  • 1969 Charles Manson cult members brutally murder pregnant actress Sharon Tate(wife of Roman Polanski), coffee heiress Abigail Folger, Polish actor Wojciech Frykowski, men’s hairstylist Jay Sebring, and recent high-school graduate Steven Parent at 10050 Cielo Drive in Los Angeles, California.
  • 1971 Le Roy (Satchel) Paige inducted into baseball’s Hall of Fame.
  • 1974 As a direct result of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first President of the United States to resign from office. His Vice President, Gerald Ford, becomes president.
  • 2007 Emergence of the Financial crisis of 2007-2008 when a liquidity crisis resulted from the Subprime mortgage crisis.

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Tech Support caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand who you are talking about.”

“I need to clean my fax machine.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“On page 10 section 5 of the user guide it clearly says that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall ocket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now can you please give me the telephone number for Jack?”

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A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.”

“There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”

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ONE-LINERS: jUST wONDERING

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a father speaks in the forest and his teenage daughter isn’t around to hear him, is he still an idiot?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat divorced women because they’re always bitter?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Dad #1: “My son is so smart that when he writes home from college, I have to go to the dictionary.”

Dad #2: “You’re lucky. When my son writes home, I have to go to the bank.”

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pic of the day: New Dawn Rose

 picture of light pink rose

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Nursery school teacher to class: “If you don’t stop running all over the class, sit quietly and calm down, I’m going to call the police!”

“Yeah, what’s our crime?”

“Resisting a rest.”

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Doctor: “I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse?”

Patient: “I was just following your orders, Doc.”

Doctor: “Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”

Patient: “You told me to avoid people who irritate me.”

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When men are born, their mothers get compliments and flowers.

When they marry, their brides get presents and publicity.

When they die, their widows get the life insurance.

So, tell me: why is it “a man’s world”?

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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired, engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.”

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1 – knowing where to put it $49,999.

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Books!

~The first public library in America was opened in Charleston, South Carolina, in 1698.

~The Bible is the best-selling nonfiction book of all time. Since 1815, more than 2.5 billion copies have been sold worldwide. It has been translated into more than 2,200 languages and dialects.

~In 2000 Publishers Weekly released lists of the best-selling children’s books of all time. The Poky Little Puppy, by Janette Sebring Lowrey, topped the hardcover list, and Charlotte’s Web, written by E. B. White and illustrated by Garth Williams, was No. 1 on the paperback list.

~R. L. Stine, the author of the Goosebumps series, has sold more children’s books than any other author. Over 220 million of the books have been sold since 1992, when the first book, Welcome to the Dead House, was published. It’s not surprising since Stine produces about two books every month.

~Agatha Christie is the world’s best-selling fiction writer. She wrote 78 crime novels that sold more than 2 billion copies.

~German Johann Gutenberg invented movable type in 1440.  The first book printed was a Latin Bible, in 1455.

 ~In 1639 in Cambridge, Massachusetts, the first books were published in the American colonies.  They were  Freeman’s Oath and An Almanack.

~Paperback books first appeared in the United States around 1845.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.” – Alan Bennett

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