Jokes and Trivia for June 12, 2012

When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do. – Charles M. Schwab

TODAY – JUNE 12th – TUESDAY

164th day of 2012 with 202 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Red Rose Day

*International Cachaça Day

*National Peanut Butter Cookie Day

*World Day Against Child Labour

*Loving Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1851 Sir Oliver Lodge, Penkhull, Staffordshire, English physicist and writer (involved in the development of key patents in wireless telegraphy)
  • 1899 Fritz Albert Lipmann, Königsberg, Germany, American biochemist (Nobel / co-discoverer in 1945 of coenzyme A)
  • 1924 George H. W. Bush, Milton, Massachusetts, politician, 11th Director of Central Intelligence, 40th Vice President of the United States and 41st President of the United States
  • 1928 Vic Damone, Brooklyn, New York, singer and songwriter
  • 1929 Anne Frank, German-born Dutch Jewish diarist and Holocaust victim
  • 1930 Jim Nabors, Sylacauga, Alabama, actor / singer (Gomer Pyle on The Andy Griffith Show, Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.)
  • 1937 Vladimir Arnold, Odessa, Soviet Union,  mathematician (Kolmogorov–Arnold–Moser theorem regarding the stability of integrable Hamiltonian systems, he made important contributions in several areas including dynamical systems theory, catastrophe theory, topology, algebraic geometry, classical mechanics and singularity theory)
  • 1953 David Thornton, Cheraw, South Carolina,  actor (The Notebook, 100 Mile Rule)
  • 1958 Rebecca Holden, Dallas,Texas, actor (April Curtis on Knight Rider; General Hospital)
  • 1964 Paula Marshall, Rockville, Maryland,  actress (The Wonder Years)
  • 1970 Rick Hoffman, New York City, New York, actor (Leverage, Knight Rider (2008 TV series))
  • 1974 Jason Mewes, Highlands, New Jersey,  actor (Noah’s Ark: The New Beginning)
  • 1985 Blake Ross, Miami, Florida, software developer, known for his work on the Mozilla web browser
  • 1985 Chris Young, Murfreesboro, Tennessee, musician (Drinkin’ Me Lonely, You’re Gonna Love Me)

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You can get anywhere if you simply go one step at a time. – Dave Ramsey

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1864 Ulysses S. Grant gives the Confederate forces under Robert E. Lee a victory when he pulls his Union troops from their positions at Cold Harbor, Virginia and moves south.
  • 1939 The Baseball Hall of Fame opens in Cooperstown, New York.
  • 1942 Holocaust: Anne Frank receives a diary for her thirteenth birthday.
  • 1967 The United States Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia declares all U.S. state laws which prohibit interracial marriage to be unconstitutional.
  • 1967 Venera program: Venera 4 is launched (it will become the first space probe to enter another planet’s atmosphere and successfully return data).
  • 1978 David Berkowitz, the “Son of Sam” killer in New York City, is sentenced to 365 years in prison for six killings.
  • 1979 Bryan Allen wins the second Kremer prize for a man powered flight across the English Channel in the Gossamer Albatross.
  • 1994 Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are murdered outside her home in Los Angeles, California. O.J. Simpson is later acquitted of the killings, but is held liable in wrongful death civil suit.
  • 1994 The Boeing 777, the world’s largest twinjet, makes its first flight.
  • 1997 Queen Elizabeth II reopens the Globe Theatre in London.
  • 1999 Kosovo War: Operation Joint Guardian begins when a NATO-led United Nations peacekeeping force (KFor) enters the province of Kosovo in Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.
  • 2000 Sandro Rosa do Nascimento takes hostages while robbing Bus #174 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; the highly-publicized standoff becomes a media circus and ends with the death of do Nascimento and a hostage.

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Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.

As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, “You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?”

“Yes,” I replied, “That is a good analogy.”

“I don’t know how to make egg rolls,” another mother said anxiously. “Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?”

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ONE-LINERS: Questions of Logic

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

“I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. How is it, then, that “I do,” is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you’ll believe it, but if you’re told a wall has wet paint, you’ll have to touch it to be sure?

If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”?

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pic of the day: Peacock struts his stuff. . .

peacock

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.

“What happened?” asks the first officer.

“Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail.”

“Good grief,” says the second officer. “Didn’t we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?”

“You’re right. I’m afraid,” said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, “this is the work of a cereal killer.”

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An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky.

One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him. “Can’t you do something?” she demanded angrily.

“I’m sorry ma’am,” the reverend said gently, “I’m in sales, not management.”

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Dumb Lawyer Questions

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Cachaca – popular in BRAZIL

~Cachaça is the official name for Brazil’s distinctive sugarcane-based spirit.

~It has become the darling of Europe over the last 20 years.

~According to a presidential decree, if its called “cachaça” it must be made in Brazil. It’s the same story with tequila from Mexico, whiskey form Scotland, cognac from France and port from Portugal.

~Cachaça is the third most consumed alcoholic spirit in the world behind Vodka and Soju (rice distillate)

~Brazil produces 1.3 to 1.5 billion liters of Cachaça per year. 90-95% of production is controlled by a few large price driven producers

~There are an estimated 60,000 producers in Brazil – 30,000 are “registered” producers who pay the high tax; and 30,000 produce “moonshine” (

~Cachaça has over 400 synonyms in Portuguese. Such terms of endearment include: mel (”honey”), because it sweetens life; Água-que-passarinho-não-bebe (”water that birds won’t drink”); “the blessed one”, “pinga”, “the crazy one”, “anger calmer” “giver of life” “tongue enlivener” and “giver of laugh” to name a few.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Confucius

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Life has got to be lived — that’s all there is to it. – Eleanor Roosevelt