Jokes and Trivia for March 28, 2013

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

TODAY – MARCH 28th – THURSDAY

87th day of 2013 with 278 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Something on a Stick Day

*National Black Forest Cake Day

*Respect Your Cat Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1793 Henry Schoolcraft, Albany County, New York, geographer and geologist (Native American culture)
  • 1806 Thomas Hare, England, English political scientist (The machinery of representation)
  • 1836 Frederick Pabst, German-American brewer (Pabst Brewing Company)
  • 1899 August Anheuser Busch, Jr., St. Louis, Missouri, brewing magnate (Anheuser-Busch)/ baseball executive (St. Louis Cardinals)
  • 1905 Marlin Perkins, Carthage, Missouri, naturalist/ TV host (Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom)
  • 1912 A[rthur] Bertram Chandler, UK/Australian, sci-fi author (Empress of Outer Space)
  • 1928 Zbigniew Brzezinski, Warsaw, Poland, Polish-born American political scientist and geostrategist
  • 1928 Alexander Grothendieck, Berlin, Germany,  mathematician, known principally for his revolutionary advances in algebraic geometry, and also for major contributions to number theory, category theory and homological algebra, and his early achievements in functional analysis
  • 1930 Jerome Isaac Friedman, Chicago, Illinois,  physicist, known for Experimental proof of quarks
  • 1941 Charlie McCoy, Oak Hill, West Virginia, harmonica player (Hee Haw; backed several notable musicians including Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Tom Astor, Elvis Presley and Ween)
  • 1943 Conchata Ferrell, Charleston, West Virginia, actress (Deadly Hero, For Keeps, Susan-LA Law, Berta-Two & a Half Men)
  • 1946 Prof. Dr. Wubbo Johannes Ockels, Dutch physicist, former ESA astronaut (1985 flight on a space shuttle, making him the first Dutch citizen in space), professor of Aerospace for Sustainable Engineering and Technology at the Delft University of Technology
  • 1948 Dianne Wiest, Kansas City MO, actress (D.A. Nora Lewin- Law & Order, Radio Days, Hannah & Her Sisters, Footloose, Robots-Mrs. Copperbottom, Rabbit Hole)
  • 1948 Milan Williams, Okolona, Mississippi, musician (The Commodores)
  • 1955 Reba McEntire, McAlester, Oklahoma, country singer (Can’t Even Get the Blues), actor (Tremors, Annie Get Your Gun, Reba)
  • 1970 Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Old School, Starsky & Hutch, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Couples Retreat, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wedding Crashers )
  • 1973 Matt Nathanson, Lexington, Massachusetts, singer-songwriter ( Come on Get Higher)
  • 1977 Lauren Weisberger, Scranton, Pennsylvania, novelist (The Devil Wears Prada)
  • 1981 Julia Stiles, New York City, New York, actress (10 Things I Hate About You , The Business of Strangers )
  • 1986 Lady GaGa, New York City, New York, singer-songwriter and dancer ( Poker Face, Just Dance, Bad romance)
  • 1991 Amy Bruckner, Conifer, Colorado, actress (Phil of the Future, American Dragon: Jake Long)

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Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1802 Heinrich Wilhelm Matthäus Olbers discovers 2 Pallas, the second asteroid known to man.
  • 1834 The United States Senate censures President Andrew Jackson for his actions in de-funding the Second Bank of the United States.
  • 1910 Henri Fabre becomes the first person to fly a seaplane, the Fabre Hydravion, after taking off from a water runway near Martigues, France.
  • 1920 Palm Sunday tornado outbreak of 1920 affects the Great Lakes region and Deep South states.
  • 1930 Constantinople and Angora change their names to Istanbul and Ankara.
  • 1946 Cold War: The United States State Department releases the Acheson–Lilienthal Report, outlining a plan for the international control of nuclear power.
  • 1959 The State Council of the People’s Republic of China dissolves the Government of Tibet.
  • 1978 The US Supreme Court hands down 5-3 decision in Stump v. Sparkman, 435 U.S. 349, a controversial case involving involuntary sterilization and judicial immunity.
  • 1979 Nuclear Incident: Operators of Three Mile Island’s Unit 2 nuclear reactor outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania fail to recognize that a relief valve in the primary coolant system has stuck open following an unexpected shutdown. As a result, enough coolant drains out of the system to allow the core to overheat and partially melt down.
  • 1990 President George H. W. Bush posthumously awards Jesse Owens the Congressional Gold Medal.
  • 1994 12-year-old schoolgirl Nikki Conroy is stabbed to death at Hall Garth School in Middlesbrough after an armed man walked into her math classroom and attacked pupils with a knife. Stephen James Wilkinson is later convicted of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.
  • 2003 In a “friendly fire” incident, two A-10 Thunderbolt II attack aircraft from the United States Idaho Air National Guard’s 190th Fighter Squadron attack British tanks participating in the 2003 invasion of Iraq, killing British soldier Matty Hull.
  • 2005 The 2005 Sumatran earthquake rocks Indonesia, and at magnitude 8.7 is the second strongest earthquake since 1965.

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Christmas was finally over and the Pastor’s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, “Boy! Am I ever tried.”

Her husband looked over at her and said, “I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?”

“Dear,” she replied, “I had to listen to all of them.”

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The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff “miss” him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, “Without you, the company will never be the same,”

“We will always remember you,” etc.

Obviously the boss was not satisfied. “I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?”

Slowly but firmly, John wrote, “The best news in 20 years.”

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ONE-LINERS: Human Resources & The 7 Dwarfs

In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are:

Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.

Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.

Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.

Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.

Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.

Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.

Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

OTHERS

Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.

Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.

Huntsman: Couldn’t stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.

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pic of the day: Cat on Pond Bank

 
picture of white cat

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Top Ten Punny Names

1. Carrie Oakey – karaoke
2. Terry Bill – Will’s friend from Portchester, England
3. Barb Dwyer – barbed wire
4. Stan Still – Sergeant-Major: ‘Stand still you ‘orrible little man.’
5. Annette Kirton – a net curtain
6. Theresa Green or Brown
7. Justin Case
8. Norman Knight – a friend of Will and Guy’s.
9. Rick O’Shea – as in “ricochet” of a bullet
10.Seymour Legg – see more leg……………….

Ray Gunn came very close to inclusion in this top ten – just Jo King.

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Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Smith. “I didn’t realize it. You don’t suppose she’s faking, do you?”

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Interviewer to blonde job applicant: “How do you do on punctuality?”

“I’m not too great with semicolons, but I use periods, commas, and question marks all the time!”

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Nurse to Doctor: “The man you just gave a clean bill of health to just died walking out of the office.”
“Don’t just stand there! Turn him around so it’ll look like he was on his way in!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA
: Must read facts about CATS

~One out of four American households has a cat for a pet.

~ You are ailurophile if you are a cat lover.

~Cats sweat through the bottom of their paws and rub off the sweat as a marking mechanism.

~Cat urine glows in the dark when a black light shines on it.

~25% of cat owners admit to blow drying their cat’s hair after a bath.

~If your cat is near you, and her tail is quivering, this is the greatest expression of love your cat can give you. And if the cat is thrashing its tail, she is in a bad mood. Keep distance.

~Sir Isaac Newton, discoverer of the principles of gravity, also invented the cat door.

~Cats have been used to deliver mail: In Belgium in 1879, 37 cats were used to deliver mail to villages.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: No man’s knowledge here can go beyond his experience. – John Locke

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Have faith and pursue the unknown end. – Oliver Wendell Holmes