Jokes and Trivia for March 7, 2013

The man is happiest who lives from day to day and asks no more, garnering the simple goodness of life. – Euripides

TODAY – MARCH 7th – THURSDAY

66th day of 2013 with 299 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Crown Roast of Pork Day

*National Cereal Day

*Crochet Week (2nd week in March)

*National Craft Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1765 Nicéphore Niépce, Chalon-sur-Saône, Saône-et-Loire,  inventor of photography
  • 1788 Antoine César Becquerel, Châtillon-Coligny, French physicist , pioneer in the study of electric and luminescent phenomena
  • 1792 John Herschel, English mathematician, astronomer, chemist and experimental photographer and inventor (originated use of Julian day system in astronomy, named 7 moons of Saturn, and 4 moon of Uranus, invented cyanotype process of photography – precursor to modern blueprint process)
  • 1837 Henry Draper, Virginia, doctor and pioneer in astrophotography (Moon, Jupiter)
  • 1841 William Rockhill Nelson, Fort Wayne, Indiana, publisher (The Kansas City Star) and patron of Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art
  • 1934 Willard Scott, Alexandria, Virginia, television broadcaster (weather forecaster on Today Show)
  • 1938 David Baltimore, New York City, New York, biologist (known for  Reverse transcriptase)
  • 1938 Janet Guthrie, Iowa City, Iowa, race car driver, 1st woman to race in Indy 500 & Daytona 500
  • 1940 Daniel J Travanti, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Frank Furillo-Hill St Blues)
  • 1946 Peter Wolf, Bronx, New York, musician (The J. Geils Band)
  • 1947 Richard Lawson, Loma Linda, California, actor (Poltergeist, V)
  • 1952 Ernie Isley, Cincinnati, Ohio, musician (The Isley Brothers)
  • 1964 Wanda Sykes, Portsmouth, Virginia,actress and comedienne (The New Adventures of Old Christine,  Curb Your Enthusiasm)
  • 1966 Jonathan del Arco, Uruguay, American actor (The Closer; Hugh, Third of Five, Star Trek: TNG; The Mambo Kings)
  • 1967 Ai Yazawa, Japanese manga author (Neighborhood Story, Paradise Kiss, Nana, I’m Not An Angel)
  • 1971 Peter Sarsgaard, Scott AFB, Illinois, actor (Dead Man Walking, Another Day in Paradise, Desert Blue )
  • 1984 Brandon T. Jackson, Detroit, Michigan, actor  (Tropic Thunder, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Lottery Ticket, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

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Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye. – Grey Livingston

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1850 Senator Daniel Webster gives his “Seventh of March” speech endorsing the Compromise of 1850 in order to prevent a possible civil war.
  • 1854 Charles Miller patents first US sewing machine to stitch buttonholes
  • 1862 American Civil War: Union forces defeat Confederate troops at Pea Ridge in northwestern Arkansas.
  • 1876 Alexander Graham Bell is granted a patent for an invention he calls the telephone beating Antonio Meucci by four hours.
  • 1897 Dr. John Kellogg served the world’s first cornflakes to his patients at a mental hospital in Battle Creek, Mich. These were an unsweetened variety. (His brother, Will Keith Kellogg, added sugar to the recipe in 1906 and began marketing them as a breakfast food. Dr. Kellogg so thoroughly disapproved of this development that he sued Will in a fruitless attempt to keep the Kellogg name off of mass-produced breakfast cereals.)
  • 1914 Prince William of Wied arrives in Albania to begin his reign.
  • 1933 Game of Monopoly patented and trademarked by Charles Darrow in Atlantic City.
  • 1936 World War II (Prelude to): In violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles, Germany reoccupies the Rhineland.
  • 1945 World War II: American troops seize the Ludendorff Bridge over the Rhine River at Remagen.
  • 1965 Alabama state troopers & 600 civil rights marchers clash in Selma.
  • 1985 The song “We Are the World” had its international release.
  • 1986 Challenger Disaster: Divers from the USS Preserver locate the crew cabin of Challenger on the ocean floor.
  • 1989 Iran and the United Kingdom break diplomatic relations after a row over Salman Rushdie and his controversial novel.
  • 1994 Copyright Law: The U.S. Supreme Court rules that parodies of an original work are generally covered by the doctrine of fair use.
  • 2007 British House of Commons votes to make the upper chamber, the House of Lords, 100% elected.

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The physics professor is lecturing a class of pre- med students when a young man interrupts him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?”

“To save lives.”

“So how exactly does physics save lives?”

“Physics saves lives because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

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The politician anonymously hired a private detective to investigate the woman he’d been dating, to see if there might be anything in her past that could affect his chances for reelection.

The detective’s report: “This lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clean and her family and friends all come from very respectable backgrounds. No one has anything against her character. Her only fault, according to my sources, is that for the last couple of months she’s been frequently seen with a politician of dubious reputation.”

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ONE-LINERS: Advertising gone wrong…

1) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired ‘I Saw the Pope’ in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed ‘I Saw the Potato. ‘

2) In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

3) In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan ‘finger-lickin’ good’ came out as ‘eat your fingers off. ‘

4) Ford had a problem naming a car in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for ‘tiny male genitals’. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

5) When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say, ‘It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. ‘ However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word ’embarazar’ meant embarrass. Instead the ads said, ‘It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant. ‘

6) The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means, ‘bite the wax tadpole’ or ‘female horse stuffed with wax’ depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ‘ko-kou-ko-le,’ which can be loosely translated as ‘happiness in the mouth. ‘

7) In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan ‘Come alive with the Pepsi Generation’ came out as ‘Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead. ‘

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pic of the day: Stare of the Sparrow

picture of sparrow bird

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

VAN GOGH & HIS RELATIVES. . .

His dizzy aunt ——————————–Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes———————Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store–Stop’N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia —————U Gogh

His magician uncle —————————-Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin —————————-A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin’s American half-brother —-Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach ————Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle ————————-Can’t Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt ———————Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle ————————–Flamin Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ———-Waydda Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ———————-Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco ———————-Go Gogh

The brother with low back pain—————–Lum Bay Gogh

His niece who travels the country in an RV—–Winnie Bay Gogh

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One March evening, the boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

‘Hello.’

‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.

‘Yes, ‘whispered the small voice.

‘May I talk with him?’

The child whispered, ‘No.’

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mommy there?’

‘Yes.’

‘May I talk with her?’

Again the small voice whispered, ‘No.’

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’

‘Yes, ‘whispered the child, ‘a policeman.’

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’

‘No, he’s busy’, whispered the child.

‘Busy doing what?’

‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman, ‘came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’

‘A hello-copper’ answered the whispering voice.

‘What is going on there?’ asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, ‘The search team just landed the hello-copper.’

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, ‘What are they searching for?’

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ‘ME.’

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When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on “Where my family came from.” The purpose was to understand your genealogy.

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, “Grandma, where did I come from?”

I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home, “Well, honey, the stork brought you.”

“Where did Mom come from then?”

“The stork brought her, too.”

“OK, then where did you come from?”

“The stork brought me too, dear.”

“Okay, thanks, Grandma.”

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann’s room and read the first sentence of her paper, “For three generations there have been no natural births in our family.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Have CEREAL for Breakfast.

~Cereal was invented when colonial housewives started serving up popcorn with sugar and cream for breakfast.  Yummy!

~Of the more than 294 million people in the U.S, 49% start their day with a bowl of cereal.

~The word cereal comes from Cerealia, the name of ancient Roman ceremonies that honored Ceres, the goddess of grain.

~The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was invented in 1863 by James C. Jackson.

~Astronauts from Apollo 11 boosted their brain power while in space with a cereal breakfast.

~Breakfast cereal is the third most popular item sold in grocery stores after carbonated beverages and milk.

~Studies show that people who start the morning with a high-fiber cereal (at least 5 grams per serving) actually eat less later on.

~Kellogg’s a popular cereal brand is famous for their lovable characters – Tony the Tiger; the Froot Loops Toucan; Cornelius, the Corn Flakes rooster; and the brothers Snap, Crackle and Pop.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. – Albert Einstein

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes you purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built. – James Allen