Jokes and Trivia for December 31, 2012

Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. – Theodore Roosevelt

TODAY – DECEMBER 31st – MONDAY

366th day of 2012 and the last day of the year.

Holidays for Today:

*New Year’s Eve

*Make Up Your Mind Day

*National Champagne Day (Also on August 4th)

*Hogmanay (first night) or “Auld Year’s Night” (Scotland)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1864 Robert Grant Aitken, Jackson, California, astronomer (study of double stars)
  • 1869 Henri Matisse, French painter (one of 3 artists defining plastic arts developments)
  • 1878 Elizabeth Arden, Canadian businesswoman (Elizabeth Arden, Inc. cosmetics)
  • 1880 George C. Marshall, Uniontown, Pennsylvania, U.S. Secretary of State (Nobel / Marshall Plan)
  • 1920 Rex Allen, Wilcox, Arizona, actor, “singing cowboy”, and songwriter
  • 1924 Taylor Mead, Grosse Pointe, Michigan, actor (Man Under Wire )
  • 1937 Avram Hershko, Karcag, Hungary, Israeli biologist (ubiquitin-mediated protein degradation)
  • 1937 Sir Anthony Hopkins, Welsh actor (Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs, The Mask of Zorro, The Lion in Winter, Dracula, Legends of the Fall, Fracture)
  • 1943 John Denver, Roswell, New Mexico, singer and songwriter (Take Me Home Country Roads, Rocky Mountain High, Sunshine on My Shoulders, Thank God I’m a Country Boy)
  • 1943 Sir Ben Kingsley, English actor (Gandhi, Schindler’s List, Sexy Beast, House of Sand and Fog)
  • 1945 Connie Willis, Denver, Colorado, author (Lincoln’s Dreams, Doomsday Book, Remake, Bellwether, Passage, Blackout)
  • 1948 Donna Summer, Boston, Massachusetts,  singer (disco era of the late 1970s)
  • 1951 Tom Hamilton, Colorado Springs, Colorado,  bassist (Aerosmith)
  • 1959 Val Kilmer, Los Angeles, California, actor (Top Gun, The Doors, Tombstone, Batman Forever)
  • 1962 Don Diamont, New York, New York,  actor (The Young and the Restless)
  • 1963 Scott Ian, Queens, New York,  guitarist (Anthrax)
  • 1964 Michael McDonald, Fullerton, California, actor-comedian (MADtv)
  • 1965 Nicholas Sparks, Omaha, Nebraska,  author (Message in a Bottle, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Nights in Rodanthe, Dear John, The Last Song, The Lucky One)
  • 1969 Lance Reddick, Baltimore, Maryland,  actor (Lost, Fringe)
  • 1972 Joey McIntyre, Needham, Massachusetts,  singer (New Kids on the Block)

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Some men see things as they are and say why – I dream things that never were and say why not. – George Bernard Shaw

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1660 James II of England is named Duke of Normandy by Louis XIV of France.
  • 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France to the Cape of Good Hope.
  • 1695 A window tax is imposed in England, causing many householders to brick up windows to avoid the tax.
  • 1759 Arthur Guinness signs a 9,000 year lease at £45 per annum and starts brewing Guinness.
  • 1775 American Revolutionary War: Battle of Quebec: British forces repulse an attack by Continental Army General Richard Montgomery.
  • 1790 Efimeris, the oldest Greek newspaper of which issues have survived till today is published for the first time.
  • 1831 Gramercy Park is deeded to New York City.
  • 1853 A dinner party is held inside a life-size model of an Iguanodon created by Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins and Sir Richard Owen in south London, England
  • 1857 Queen Victoria chooses Ottawa, then a small logging town, as the capital of Canada.
  • 1862 American Civil War: The Battle of Stones River begins near Murfreesboro, Tennessee.
  • 1878 Karl Benz, working in Mannheim, Germany, filed for a patent on his first reliable two-stroke gas engine, and he was granted the patent for it in 1879.
  • 1879 Thomas Edison demonstrates incandescent lighting to the public for the first time, in Menlo Park, New Jersey.
  • 1907 The first New Year’s Eve celebration is held in Times Square (then known as Longacre Square) in New York, New York.
  • 1909 Manhattan Bridge opens.
  • 1923 Big Ben’s chimes are broadcast on radio for the first time by the BBC.
  • 1946  President Harry S. Truman officially proclaims the end of hostilities in World War II.
  • 1951 The Marshall Plan expires after distributing more than US$13.3 billion in foreign aid to rebuild Europe.
  • 1955 The General Motors Corporation becomes the first U.S. corporation to make over US$1 billion in a year.
  • 1967 The Youth International Party, popularly known as the “Yippies”, is founded.
  • 1983 AT&T Bell System is broken up by the United States Government.
  • 1999 The U.S. Government hands control of the Panama Canal (as well all the adjacent land to the canal known as the Panama Canal Zone) to Panama, to comply with the signing of the 1977 Torrijos–Carter Treaties.
  • 2004 The official opening of Taipei 101, the tallest skyscraper at that time in the world, standing at a height of 509 metres (1,670 ft).

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A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, “I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off. A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, “Did you have a good trip, dear?”

The man replies, “Yep, the fishing was great… but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”

His wife smiles and says, “Oh no, I didn’t… I put them in your tackle box!”

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Some people ask the secret of Anthony’s long marriage.

They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.

The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

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ONE-LINERS: Human Resources & The 7 Dwarfs

In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are:

Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.

Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.

Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.

Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.

Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.

Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.

Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

OTHERS

Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.

Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.

Huntsman: Couldn’t stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.

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pic of the day: Squirrel Eating Nut

picture of squirrel

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Earlier this year Winston lost his ear. Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place.

Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons.

When he did, Winston complained bitterly, “Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in.”

The doctor, totally unconcerned answered, “Don’t worry, its just a bit of crackling.”

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A cop pulled over two drunks, and asked to the first, “What’s your name and address?”

“I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.”

The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question.

“I’m Seamus O’Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.”

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One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he’d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the “conversations.”

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor.

“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.

“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied. “So does my husband.”

Then it dawned on them…

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CHAMPAGNE

~Marilyn Monroe believed to have taken a ‘champagne bath’. It took approximately 350 champagne bottles to fill the bathtub.

~Champagne is thought to be first invented in France in the seventeenth century by Dom Perignon. Another version of the story related to the birth of champagne. This sparkling white wine was produced by Christopher Merret in 1662 in England.

~Champagne is made from three different types of grapes; two varieties of black grapes, Pinot Meunier and Pinot Noir and a variety of white grapes Chardonnay.

~Champagne was actually discovered by absolute accident. The wine that was produced in Champagne (the French region) were kept in cellars.

~The name ‘champagne’ is copyrighted and the wine can be named as champagne only if it is produced in Champagne, (the northeastern region of France).

~The pressure in a champagne bottle is three times higher than in an automobile tire, measuring at ninety pounds per square inch.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well – Josh Billings.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The most important thing I can teach my kids is that you can’t put your value in looks.  Presence is based upon magnitude.  You can pretend to have an air about you but it is quickly deflated, you cannot deflate presence.  Presence walks into a room and surrounds and fills anything that’s in that room without trying to demand it, it takes over.  It can come from a smile.  Like I said, love makes you beautiful.  What is beautiful radiates.  – Terrence Howard