Jokes and Trivia for June 18, 2012

Experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to love and forgive each other. – Judy Collins

TODAY – JUNE 18th – MONDAY

170th  day of 2012 with 196 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cherry Tart Day

*International Picnic Day

* Go Fishing Day

*International Panic Day

*National Splurge Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1914 E.G. Marshall, Owatonna, Minnesota, actor (The Defenders, The Bold Ones: The New Doctors, 12 Angry Men, Superman II, War and Remembrance)
  • 1915 Red Adair, Houston, Texas, oil well firefighter (Hellfighters movie based on Adair, History Channel’s Modern Marvels episode on “Oil Well Firefighting”)
  • 1917 Richard Boone, Los Angeles, California, actor (Have Gun – Will Travel, Medic, The Alamo, Big Jake, The Hobbit (1977) voice of Smaug)
  • 1918 Jerome Karle, New York City, NY, chemist (Nobel / direct analysis of crystal structures using X-ray scattering techniques)
  • 1928 David T. Lykken, Minneapolis, Minnesota, scientist (best known for his work on twin studies and lie detection)
  • 1932 Dudley R. Herschbach, San Jose, California, chemist (Nobel / dynamics of chemical elementary processes)
  • 1937 Jay Rockefeller, NYC, New York, U.S. Senator from West Virginia (Governor WV 1977-1985)
  • 1942 Paul McCartney, Liverpool, England, singer, songwriter and musician (The Beatles, Wings)
  • 1957 Andrea Evans, Aurora, Illinois, actress (One Life to Live)
  • 1963 Dizzy Reed, Hinsdale, Illinois, keyboardist (Guns N’ Roses)
  • 1970 Robin Christopher, Revere, Massachusetts, actress (All My Children, One Life to Live)
  • 1976 Blake Shelton, Ada, Oklahoma, country singer
  • 1991 Willa Holland, Los Angeles, California, actress (Gossip Girl)

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A life lived in love will never be dull. – Leo Buscaglia

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1178 Five Canterbury monks see what is possibly the Giordano Bruno crater being formed. It is believed that the current oscillations of the Moon’s distance from the Earth (on the order of meters) are a result of this collision.
  • 1778 British troops abandon Philadelphia, Pennsylvania during American Revolutionary War.
  • 1812 The U.S. Congress declares war on the United Kingdom (War of 1812).
  • 1858 Charles Darwin receives a paper from Alfred Russel Wallace that includes nearly identical conclusions about evolution as Darwin’s own, prompting Darwin to publish his theory.
  • 1859 First ascent of Aletschhorn, second summit of the Bernese Alps.
  • 1873 Susan B. Anthony is fined $100 for attempting to vote in the 1872 presidential election.
  • 1923 Checker Taxi puts its first taxi on the streets.
  • 1940 “Finest Hour” speech by Winston Churchill.
  • 1945 William Joyce (Lord Haw-Haw) is charged with treason for his pro-German propaganda broadcasting during World War II.
  • 1953 A United States Air Force C-124 crashes and burns near Tokyo, Japan killing 129.
  • 1979 SALT II is signed by the United States and the Soviet Union.
  • 1983  Astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space on STS-7, part of the Space Shuttle program.
  • 1994 The Troubles: the Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) open fire inside a pub in Loughinisland, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom, killing six civilians and wounding five.
  • 1996 Ted Kaczynski, suspected of being the Unabomber, is indicted on ten criminal counts.
  • 2009 The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO), a NASA robotic spacecraft is launched.

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A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.

Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?

Brother 2: He’s Dead

Brother 1: He’s Dead! What do you mean He’s Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn’t you think of a nicer way to tell me! I’m leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, “Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down.” Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, “The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.”

Brother 2: I’m sorry…you’re right…that was insensitive.  I won’t let it happen again.

Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?

Brother 2: She’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down.

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ONE-LINERS: Source for Accurate Weather

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The CAT

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pic of the day: An unlikely Friendship. . .

black sheep and chicken

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that,
And three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

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Rev. W.O. Taylor, 91, was the oldest man attending the Southern Baptist Convention a few years ago. At the annual free breakfast
for retirees, Brother Taylor rose and recited his own version of the parable of the prodigal son, which he entitled “The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive:”

“Feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, facing famine, and fleeced by his fellows in folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farmlot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.

“‘Fooey! My father’s flunkies fare far fancier,’ the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.

“Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family.

“Falling at his father’s feet, he floundered forlornly. ‘Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favors.’

“But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.

“But the fugitive’s fault-finding frater, faithfully farming his father’s fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

“His foresighted father figured, ‘Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.'”

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Classic, Funny, English Jokes
~ Britain has invented a new missile. It’s called the civil servant – it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired.

~ What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir.

~ They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

~ An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.
     ‘Would you like one with a plug?’ asked the assistant.
     ‘Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric,’ said the Englishman.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Cherry, A Small Fruit

~Cherries have been enjoyed since the Stone Age — pits were found in several Stone Age caves in Europe.

~The Romans carried cherries throughout Europe and England along the routes of conquest.

~Michigan has over 35,000 acres of tart cherry trees and grows almost 75% of the tart cherries produced in the United States.

~Traverse City is called the Cherry Capital of the World. Eau Claire, Michigan, is known as the Cherry Pit Spitting Capital of the World.

~The earliest known mention of cherries is in Theophrastus (372-272 B.C.) History of Plants’, in which he indicated that cherries had been cultivated for hundreds of years in Greece.

~The cherry is the state fruit of Utah.

~Kane, Pennsylvania, is the Black Cherry Capital of the World

~At one time it was against the law to serve ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Friends are like stars… you don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.  – Hulali Luta

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? – Vincent van Gogh