Jokes and Trivia for October 15, 2012

Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have. – Doris Mortman

TODAY – OCTOBER 15th- MONDAY

289th of 2012 with 77 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*White Cane Safety Day

*National Roast Pheasant Day

*National Chicken Cacciatore Day

*Sarcastic Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1881 P. G. Wodehouse, British novelist (Blandings Castle, Drones Club, Jeeves and Wooster stories)
  • 1919 Malcolm Ross, Momence, Illinois,  balloonist and atmospheric physicist (Scientific and record-breaking manned balloon flights)
  • 1920 Mario Puzo, Manhattan, New York, author (The Godfather)
  • 1924 Lee Iacocca, Allentown, Pennsylvania, businessman (revived Chrysler in 1980s, named 18th greatest America CEO of all time by Portfolio)
  • 1937 Linda Lavin, Portland, Maine,  actress (Collected Stories )
  • 1940 Peter Doherty, Brisbane (Queensland), immunologist (known for major histocompatibility complex )
  • 1942 Penny Marshall, NYC, New York, actress (Laverne & Shirley), director (Big, A League of Their Own, Bewitched)
  • 1946 Richard Carpenter, New Haven, Connecticut,  musician (The Carpenters)
  • 1949 Laurie McBain, American author (Devil’s Desire, Moonstruck Madness, Tears of Gold)
  • 1955 Tanya Roberts, The Bronx, New York City, NY, actress (The Beastmaster,  A View to a Kill )
  • 1959 Emeril Lagasse, Fall River, Massachusetts, celebrity chef (Emeril Live, Essence of Emeril)
  • 1969 Dominic West, English actor (Detective Jimmy McNulty on The Wire)
  • 1978 Devon Gummersall, Durango, Colorado,  actor (My So-Called Life )
  • 1979 Jaci Velasquez, Houston, Texas, singer (contemporary Christian & Latin pop)
  • 1981 Keyshia Cole, Oakland, California, R&B singer
  • 1983 Holly Montag, Silver Spring, Maryland, reality TV personality (The Hills)
  • 1992 Vincent Martella, Rochester, New York,  actor (the voice of Phineas Flynn in Disney Channel’s original animated show Phineas and Ferb)
  • 1995 Billy Unger, Palm Beach County, Florida,  teen actor (National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets )
  • 1999 Bailee Madison, Fort Lauderdale, Florida,  child actress (Just Go With It)

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Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things. – Peter Drucker

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1783 Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier went up in the Montgolfier brothers’ tethered hot air balloon, making the first human ascent.
  • 1878 Operations began of The Edison Electric Light Company.
  • 1910 Airship America launched from New Jersey in the first attempt to cross the Atlantic by a powered aircraft.
  • 1917 World War I: At Vincennes outside of Paris, Dutch dancer Mata Hari is executed by firing squad for spying for the German Empire.
  • 1928 The airship, Graf Zeppelin completes its first trans-Atlantic flight, landing at Lakehurst, New Jersey, United States.
  • 1932 Tata Airlines (later to become Air India) makes its first flight.
  • 1951 The first episode of I Love Lucy, an American television sitcom starring Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley, airs on the Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS).
  • 1953 British nuclear test Totem 1 detonated at Emu Field, South Australia.
  • 1956 Fortran, the first modern computer language, is shared with the coding community for the first time.
  • 1989 Wayne Gretzky becomes the all-time leading points scorer in the NHL.
  • 1990 Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to lessen Cold War tensions and open up his nation.
  • 1997 The first supersonic land speed record is set by Andy Green in ThrustSSC (United Kingdom), exactly 50 years and 1 day after Chuck Yeager first broke the sound barrier in the Earth’s atmosphere.
  • 1997 The Cassini probe launches from Cape Canaveral on its way to Saturn.
  • 2001 NASA’s Galileo spacecraft passes within 112 miles of Jupiter’s moon Io.
  • 2003  The Staten Island Ferry boat Andrew J. Barberi runs into a pier at the St. George Ferry Terminal in Staten Island, killing 11 people and injuring 43.
  • 2005 A riot in Toledo, Ohio breaks out during a National Socialist/Neo-Nazi protest; over 100 are arrested.
  • 2007 Seventeen activists in New Zealand are arrested in the country’s first post 9/11 anti-terrorism raids.
  • 2008 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed down 733.08 points, or 7.87%, the second worst day in the Dow’s history based on a percentage drop.

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Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.

So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, “Whoa! What are we going to do?”

Said the other ant: “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on the ball.”

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ONE-LINERS:

YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF …

1. You smoke and drink too much.

2. You’re actually sorry that Margaret Cho’s sitcom was canceled.

3. You’re afraid of black people.

4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF …

1. No matter what you eat, it’s not greasy or spicy enough.

2. You’re not afraid of black people, because in some cases you’re just as dark as they are.

3. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you’ve learned to live with it.

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: ‘Claws.’

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What’s a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!

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A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25 each — three for a dollar.”

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!”

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”

“What mistake?” the grocer asked. “Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Untold Facts about Chicken

~According to the National Chicken Council, more than 1.25 Billion Chicken wing portions were consumed on Super Bowl weekend in 2012.

~There are 26 people in the U.S. listed on whitepages.com with the last name ‘Chicken’. To see is to believe. Check it now! ;P

~In Great Britain over three quarters of all litter from chicken production is used to generate electricity.

~In 2007, 95 percent of commercial restaurants had chicken on the menu.

~More than half of all chicken entrees ordered in restaurants are for fried chicken.

~The average American eats over 80 pounds of chicken each year.

~A frying pan 10 feet in diameter that holds 800 chicken quarters was built for the Delmarva Chicken Festival in 1950.

In 2002 32.2 billion pounds of chicken was produced in the U.S.

~It is against the law to eat chicken with a fork in Gainesville, Georgia, the ‘Chicken Capital of the World.’

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Make your life a rose that speaks silently in the language of the heart. – Sai Baba

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. – Stephen Covey