Jokes and Trivia for June 22, 2012

The universe likes SPEED. Don’t delay, don’t second-guess, don’t doubt. – Rhonda Byrne

TODAY – JUNE 22nd – FRIDAY

174th day of 2012 with 192 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Chocolate Eclair Day

* St. John Fisher’s Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1856 H Rider Haggard, England, author (King Solomon’s Mine, Allan Quatermain Series, Ayesha Series)
  • 1898 Erich Maria Remarque, Germany, novelist (All Quiet on the Western Front)
  • 1903 John Dillinger, Brightwood, Indiana, bank robber (one of America’s Most Wanted)
  • 1906 Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Englewood, New Jersey, aviator/author (Gift from the Sea)
  • 1920 Paul Frees, Chicago, Illinois, voice actor (for 9 major animation studios, Ludwig Von Drake & many others)
  • 1922 Bill Blass, Fort Wayne, Indiana, fashion designer (innovative combinations of textures & patterns)
  • 1928 Ralph Waite, White Plains, New York, actor (John Walton Sr. / The Waltons, Last Summer, Cool Hand Luke)
  • 1936 Kris Kristofferson, Brownsville, Texas, singer/actor (Blade triology, A Star is Born, Amerika, Convoy, Millennium)
  • 1941 Ed Bradley, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, CBS news correspondent (60 Minutes)
  • 1941 Michael Lerner, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Postman Always Rings Twice, Elf, Harlem Nights)
  • 1947 Octavia Butler, Pasadena, California, author (Blood Child, Parable of the Sower, Patternist series)
  • 1949 Lindsay Wagner, Los Angeles, California, actress (Bionic Woman, Paper Chase, Nighthawks)
  • 1949 Meryl Streep, Summit, New Jersey, actress (French Lieutenant’s Woman, Sophie’s Choice, The Iron Lady)
  • 1953 Cyndi Lauper, Queens, New York, singer (Sisters of Avalon, The Body Acoustic)
  • 1954 Freddie Prinze, NYC, New York, comedian/actor (Chico & the Man)
  • 1956 Tim Russ, Washington DC, actor (Tuvok, ST: VOY, Live Free or Die Hard, Hannah Montana)
  • 1960 Tracy Pollan, Long Island, New York, actress (Family Ties, Stranger Among Us, Fine Things)
  • 1964 Amy Brenneman, New London, Connecticut, actress (Judging Amy, Private Practice, NYPD Blue)
  • 1964 Dan Brown, Exeter, New Hampshire, writer (The Da Vinci Code)
  • 1974 Donald Faison, NYC, New York, actor (Scrubs, Clueless, Remember the Titans)

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We don’t see the things the way they are. We see things the way WE are. – Talmund

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1611 Henry Hudson & son set adrift in Hudson Bay by mutineers.
  • 1633 The Holy Office in Rome forces Galileo to recant his scientific view that the Sun, not the Earth, is the center of the Universe.
  • 1870 Congress creates Department of Justice.
  • 1874 Dr Andrew T Sill, of Macon, Missouri, founds science of osteopathy .
  • 1898 Spanish-American War: United States Marines land in Cuba.
  • 1940 France falls to Nazi Germany; armistice signed, France disarmed.
  • 1941 Nazi Germany invades the Soviet Union in Operation Barbarossa, one of the most dramatic turning points of World War II.
  • 1944 FDR signs “GI Bill of Rights” (Servicemen’s Readjustment Act).
  • 1969 The Cuyahoga River in northeast Ohio catches fire, triggering a crack-down on pollution in the river.
  • 1978 Pluto’s moon Charon discovered by James Christy .
  • 1990 Florida passes a law that prohibits wearing a throng bathing suit on state owned beaches.
  • 2003 The largest hailstone ever recorded falls from a thunderstorm in Aurora, Nebraska (7″ diameter, circumference of 18.75:)
  • 2009 Eastman Kodak Company announces discontinuing sales of Kodachrome Color Film, concluding its 74-year run as a photography icon.

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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

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The blonde was nailing down siding on the exterior of a new house. She would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and hammer it in. But about half the time she would examine the nail and toss it over her shoulder.

Her blonde supervisor asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”

“They’re defective. They have the head on the wrong end.”

“You moron! Those nails are for the other side of the house!”

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ONE-LINERS:

Sometimes I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

~ Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

~ Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

~ Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

~ Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

~ Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.

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pic of the day: 3 Guinea Fowl

 

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I taught my dog to fetch the mustard bottle. He’s a Gulden Retriever.
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A bee flies into a hive and says, “Hi honey, I’m home!”
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“I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.”
—–

I suffer from paranoid amnesia. I can’t remember who I don’t trust.

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Photographer Ruth Van Bergen specialized in celebrity portraits. One wealthy woman complained that Van Bergen’s photo wasn’t nearly as good as the first one she had taken a decade ago.

“You simply must forgive me, my dear,” the diplomatic photographer said. “The last time I took your picture, I was ten years younger.”

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Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”

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My mom is a less-than-fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.”

  Mom sweetly replied, “Yes, darling, I know. That’s why I married a college graduate.”
 
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: National Chocolate Eclair Day

~An éclair is a delicate, individual pastry made with chou paste (choux paste, pâte à choux, cream puff pastry dough).

~The dough is piped from a pastry bag in an oblong or log shape on baking pans, and baked until it is crisp and hollow inside.

~As an English language word, its first appearance was in the 1706 edition of Edward Phillips’s New World of English Words: ‘Petits Choux, a sort of Paste for garnishing, made of fat Cheese, Flour, Eggs, Salt, etc., bak’d in a Pye_pan, and Ic’d over with fine Sugar.‘  It did not really come into general use until the late 19th or early 20th century.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Time, the subtle thief of youth. – John Milton

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The history of free man is never written by chance But by choice. Their choice. – Dwight D. Eisenhower