Jokes and trivia for June 1, 2012

Whether we’re prepared or not, life has a habit of thrusting situations upon us. – Lucille Ball~

TODAY – JUNE 1st – FRIDAY

153rd day of 2012 with 213 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Dare Day

*Flip a Coin Day

*National Hazelnut Cake Day

*International Day for Protection of Children

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1801 Brigham Young, Whitingham, Vermont, religious leader (Mormon)
  • 1878 John Masefield, English novelist and poet (The Midnight Folk, Sea-Fever (All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by))
  • 1899 Edward Charles Titchmarsh, Newbury, Berkshire, English mathematician (analytic number theory, Fourier analysis and other parts of mathematical analysis)
  • 1907 Sir Frank Whittle, Earlsdon, Coventry, engineer and inventor (development of the jet engine)
  • 1917 William S. Knowles, Taunton, Massachusetts,  chemist (Chiral phosphine ligands that proved effective in the enantioselective synthesis of L-DOPA)
  • 1926 Andy Griffith, Mount Airy, North Carolina, actor (The Andy Griffith Show, Matlock)
  • 1926 Marilyn Monroe, Los Angeles, Califonia, actress (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, The Seven Year Itch, Bus Stop)
  • 1930 Edward Woodward, English actor (Callan, The Wicker Man, The Equalizer)
  • 1934 Pat Boone, Jacksonville, Florida, singer (The Pat Boone Chevy Showroom)
  • 1937 Morgan Freeman, Memphis, Tennessee, actor (Driving Miss Daisy, The Shawshank Redemption, Invictus, Unforgiven, The Sum of All Fears, Batman Begins, The Bucket List)
  • 1937 Colleen McCullough, Australian novelist (The Thorn Birds, Morgan’s Run, Masters of Rome Series)
  • 1940 René Auberjonois, NYC, New York, actor (Father Mulcahy in film M*A*S*H, Chef Louis in The Little Mermaid, Clayton on Benson, Odo on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Paul Lewiston on Boston Legal)
  • 1945 Linda Scott, Queens, New York,  singer
  • 1947 Ronnie Wood, Hillingdon, Middlesex, guitarist (Rolling Stones)
  • 1963 Mike Joyce, Fallowfield, Manchester,  drummer (The Smiths)
  • 1974 Alanis Morissette, Ottawa, Ontario, singer-songwriter  (Walk Away, Feel Your Love )
  • 1974 Melissa Sagemiller, Washington, D.C., actress (In Fidelity )
  • 1977 Danielle Harris, Queens, New York,  actress (Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers)
  • 1977 Sarah Wayne Callies, La Grange, Illinois,  actress (The Walking Dead)
  • 2000 Willow Shields, Albuquerque, New Mexico, American actress (Beyond the Blackboard)

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Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. – Mohandas Gandhi

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1779 Benedict Arnold, a general in the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War, is court-martialed for malfeasance.
  • 1792 Kentucky is admitted as the 15th state of the United States.
  • 1796 Tennessee is admitted as the 16th state of the United States.
  • 1812 War of 1812: U.S. President James Madison asks the Congress to declare war on the United Kingdom.
  • 1813 James Lawrence, the mortally-wounded commander of the USS Chesapeake, gives his final order: “Don’t give up the ship!”
  • 1815 Napoleon swears fidelity to the Constitution of France.
  • 1831 James Clark Ross discovers the North Magnetic Pole.
  • 1855 American adventurer William Walker conquers Nicaragua.
  • 1857 Charles Baudelaire’s Les Fleurs du mal is published.
  • 1861 American Civil War, Battle of Fairfax Court House (June 1861), first land battle of American Civil War after Battle of Fort Sumter, first Confederate combat casualty.
  • 1862 American Civil War, Peninsula Campaign: Battle of Seven Pines (or the Battle of Fair Oaks) ends inconclusively, with both sides claiming victory.
  • 1879 Napoleon Eugene, the last dynastic Bonaparte, is killed in the Anglo-Zulu War.
  • 1890 The United States Census Bureau begins using Herman Hollerith’s tabulating machine to count census returns.
  • 1916 Louis Brandeis becomes the first Jew appointed to the United States Supreme Court.
  • 1918 World War I, Western Front: Battle for Belleau Wood – Allied Forces under John J. Pershing and James Harbord engage Imperial German Forces under Wilhelm, German Crown Prince.
  • 1960 New Zealand’s first official television broadcast commences at 7.30 pm from Auckland.
  • 1962 The Pilkington Committee on Broadcasting concludes, among other things, that the British public did not want commercial radio broadcasting.
  • 1974 The Heimlich maneuver for rescuing choking victims is published in the journal Emergency Medicine.
  • 1980 Cable News Network (CNN) begins broadcasting.
  • 1990 George H. W. Bush and Mikhail Gorbachev sign a treaty to end chemical weapon production.
  • 1999 American Airlines Flight 1420 slides and crashes while landing at Little Rock National Airport, killing 11 people on a flight from Dallas to Little Rock.
  • 2009 General Motors files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. It is the fourth largest United States bankruptcy in history.

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A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” the man said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.”

“That’s the same with us, the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

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ONE-LINERS: Kitchen Signs

– If you don’t like my standards of cooking…lower your standards.

– You may touch the dust in this house…but please don’t write in it!

– Apology…Although you’ll find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

– A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

– If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.

– A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

– Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

– Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

– A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

– Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

– Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

– My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.

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pic of the day: Maremma Sheepdog

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

It was Ferdinand Feghoot who, in 3312, first proved that fish were highly intelligent and that men could converse with them. He was accorded the honor of signing the ensuing Treaty of Peace, Amity, Commerce, and Navigation, which was also endorsed by an imposing elderly shark.

“I spent seventeen months eavesdropping on fish conversations and analyzing their language,” he told reporters after the ceremony. “Then I slipped overboard with my SCUBA gear, and asked for their leader. They took me to the Generalissimo here, and I’ll never forget my first sight of him, completely at ease in the lovely blue water, with that busy little fish hovering right by his head all the time. He received me most courteously in spite of my abominable accent. Why, he was so polite and so tactful that it was almost a week before I realized that he is as deaf as a post.”

“But, how could he understand you?” asked the reporters.

“That’s simple,” said Ferdinand Feghoot. “The little fish is his herring aide.”

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A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

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I did not know this:

(o) Drinking vodka over ice can cause kidney failure.

(o) Drinking rum over ice can give you liver failure.

(o) Drinking whiskey over ice can result in heart problems.

(o) Drinking gin over ice can affect the brain.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Coin Trivia

~The first coinage struck specifically for the English-American colonies was called the “Hogge Money” of Bermuda and was minted in London. The name was derived from the fact that hogs were very plentiful on Bermuda.

~The first regular issue cent, struck in 1793, is referred to as a “chain cent”.

~James Longacre  was the designer of Indian head scent.

~The Shield nickel from 1866 to 1883 was the first nickel to have “In God We Trust” on it.

~That a foreign coin was the principal coin of the American colonies. The Spanish milled dollar, known as the “pillar dollar” and “piece of eight” was legal in the U.S. until 1857.

~That the test performed to determine the purity of a metal in a coin is called an assay.

~According to the Mint the life span of a brass or bronze cent is 25 years.

~The 1915 Pan-Pacific half dollar was the first commemorative coin to have the “IN GOD WE TRUST” motto.

~Rutherford County, North Carolina, supplied most of the nation’s gold from 1790 to 1840.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Many people will walk in and out or your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln