Jokes and Trivia for February 17, 2012

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. – Albert Schweitzer

TODAY – FEBRUARY 17th – FRIDAY

48thth day of 2012 with 318 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Random Acts of Kindness Day

*National Indian Pudding Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

1723 Tobias Mayer, German astronomer, “method of lunars” for longitude determination
1844 A Montgomery Ward, Chatham, New Jersey, found mail-order business (Montgomery Ward)
1864 Jozef Murgaš, Tajó, Kingdom of Hungary, Slovak inventor, contributed to wireless telegraphy and help develop mobile communications and wireless transmission of information and human voice
1874 Thomas J Watson, Campbell, New York, salesman / founder (IBM)
1888 Otto Stern, Sohrau, Kingdom of Prussia, physicist, Stern-Gerlach experiment, Spin quantization, Molecular ray method
1908 Walter L “Red” Barber, Columbus, Mississippi, sports announcer (Brooklyn Dodgers, NY Yanks)
1924 Margaret Truman, Independece, Missouri, president’s daughter/writer (Murder at FBI) /pianist
1925 Hal Holbrook, Cleveland, Ohio, actor (All the President’s Men, Mark Twain)
1933 Bobby Lewis, Indianapolis, Indiana, singer (“Tossin’ and Turnin’)
1939 Mary Ann Mobley, Biloxi, Mississippi, Miss America-1959/actor (Diff’rent Strokes, Falcon Crest)
1954 Rene Russo, Burbank, California, actress (Ransom, Lethal Weapon 4, Thomas Crown Affair, Thor)
1963 Michael Jordan, Brooklyn, New York, basketball player, NBA guard/forward (Chicago Bulls) and sports superstar
1972 Billie Joe Armstrong, Oakland, California, musician (Green Day)
1972 Taylor Hawkins, Fort Worth, Texas, musician (Foo Fighters)
1972 Ralphie May, Chattanooga, Tennessee, comedian (The Wayne Brady Show , The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)
1974 Bryan White, Lawton, Oklahoma, singer (“Someone Else’s Star” ,”Rebecca Lynn” , “So Much for Pretending” , “Sittin’ on Go” )
1976 Kelly Carlson, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actress (Nip/Tuck)
1981 Paris Hilton, New York City, New York, actress and heiress (Zoolander, Wonderland, The Cat In The Hat, The Simple Life )
1982 Joseph Gordon-Levitt, actor (Tommy Solomon-Third Rock From the Sun; G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra; The Powers That Be; Dark Shadows)
1992 Meaghan Jette Martin, Las Vegas, Nevada, actress and singer (Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, 10 Things I Hate About You )

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Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze. – Elinor Glyn

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

1621 Myles Standish appointed 1st commander of Plymouth colony.
1801 An electoral tie between Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr is resolved when Jefferson is elected President of the United States and Burr Vice President by the United States House of Representatives.
1809 Miami University is chartered by the State of Ohio.
1817 First public gas street light in the U.S. was lit in Baltimore, Maryland.
1819 The United States House of Representatives passes the Missouri Compromise.
1864 American Civil War: The H. L. Hunley becomes the first submarine to engage and sink a warship, the USS Housatonic.
1865 American Civil War: Columbia, South Carolina, is burned as Confederate forces flee from advancing Union forces.
1867 The first ship passes through the Suez Canal.
1913 The Armory Show opens in New York City, displaying works of artists who are to become some of the most influential painters of the early 20th century.
1924 In Miami, Florida, Johnny Weissmuller sets a new world record in the 100-yard freestyle swimming competition with a time of 52²⁄₅ seconds.
1925 Harold Ross and Jane Grant found The New Yorker magazine; the debut issue is dated February 21, 1925.
1933 Newsweek magazine is published for the first time.
1933 The Blaine Act ends Prohibition in the United States.
1936 “Phantom” cartoon strip by Lee Falk debuts.
1958 Comic strip “BC” first published.
1964 In Wesberry v. Sanders the Supreme Court of the United States rules that congressional districts have to be approximately equal in population.
1968 In Springfield, Massachusetts, the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame opens.
1972 Sales of the Volkswagen Beetle exceed those of the Ford Model-T.
1974 Robert K. Preston, a disgruntled U.S. Army private, buzzes the White House in a stolen helicopter.
1996 In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, world champion Garry Kasparov beats the Deep Blue supercomputer in a chess match.
1996 NASA’s Discovery Program begins as the NEAR Shoemaker spacecraft lifts off on the first mission ever to orbit and land on an asteroid, 433 Eros.

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A young lady signed up on an Internet dating service. She got to the section of the application that asked “What exactly are you looking for?”

This was her description: “He needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

In a matter of moments, the results were returned to the woman: “Buy a television.”

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ONE-LINERS: School Bloopers

~ Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

~ The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

~ Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

~ It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

~ Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that name.

~ Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

~ The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire’s in the East and the sun sets in the West.

~ The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.

~ Without the Greeks, we wouldn’t have history.

~ The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.

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pic of the day: Peek-a-boo Parrot

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~A calendar’s days are numbered.

~A boiled egg is hard to beat.

~He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

~The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

~ The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

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At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table.

The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire: “You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?” he asked.

Expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters, he instead heard from one quick wit,
“You got the right place.”

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A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff for a medical degree?” the young man blurted out.

“To save lives,” the professor replied before continuing the lecture.

In a few minutes, the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”

The professor stared at the student for a long time. “Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Comic Book Facts You Probably Didn’t Know

~Richard Outcault, was considered by many to be responsible for creating the first modern American comic strip.

~The real success of the comic book medium did not begin until 1937 with the publication of Detective Comics, followed by Action Comics a year later, which introduced Superman, the first comic book superhero.

~On July 20, 2006, a half century removed from when comic books were publically decreed as a profound cultural threat, the United States Postal Service released, DC Comics Super Heroes, the first commemorative stamp pane honoring America’s legendary comic book Super Heroes in recognition for not only their significance as a part of American culture but as a true art form.

~Comic books are more than just about superheroes with complexes in colorful tight spandex. In fact, this comes in variety of genres and are available for both children and adults.

~Almost shocking, but the world’s largest comic book collection does not belong to any real comic enthusiast or dealer. Instead it belongs to the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C. with over 6,000 titles and 100,000 issues

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Give him enough rope and he will hang himself. – Thomas Fuller

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain. – Helen Keller