Jokes and Trivia for April 4, 2013

The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances. – Martha Washington

TODAY – APRIL 4th – THURSDAY

94th day of 2013 with 271 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Hug a Newsman Day

*Walk Around Things Day

*School Librarian Day

*Tell a Lie Day

*National Cordon Bleu Day

*International Fun at Work Day (April 1st, or on the following Thursday (April 4th) when April 1st falls on a weekend as in 2013)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1802 Dorothea Dix, Trenton, New Jersey, social activist (aroused interest in treatment of mental inmates)
  • 1821 Linus Yale, Jr., Salisbury, Salisbury, New York, American inventor and manufacturer, best known for his inventions of locks, especially the cylinder lock
  • 1823 Karl Wilhelm Siemens, German inventor (laid undersea cables; regenerative furnace)
  • 1842 Edouard Lucas, Amiens, French mathematician , known for his study of the Fibonacci sequence
  • 1843 William Henry Jackson, Keeseville, New York, geological survey photographer, painter and explorer (famous for images of the American West)
  • 1895 Arthur Murray, American dance teacher (Arthur Murray Studios)
  • 1902 Stanley G. Weinbaum, Louisville, Kentucky, author (A Martian Odyssey)
  • 1908 Ernestine Gilbreth Carey, New York, New York, author (Cheaper by the Dozen, Belles on Their Toes)
  • 1916 David White, Denver, Colorado, actor (Larry Tate-Bewitched)
  • 1928 Maya Angelou, St. Louis, Missouri, poet (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings)/actress (Nyo-Roots)
  • 1932 Anthony Perkins, New York City, New York, actor (Psycho, Fear Strikes Out, Pretty Poison)
  • 1932 Estelle Harris, New York City, New York, actress (Seinfeld , Toy Story 2 , Toy Story 3 , The Suite Life of Zack & Cody )
  • 1932 Anthony Perkins, New York, New York, actor (Norman Bates in Psycho, Pretty Poison, The Black Hole)
  • 1933 Bill France, Jr., Washington DC, NASCAR pioneer
  • 1942 Kitty Kelley, Spokane, Washington, author of several best-selling unauthorized biographies of celebrities
  • 1944 Craig T. Nelson, Spokane, Washington, actor (Coach, Poltergeist, The Incredibles)
  • 1947 Luke Halpin, Astoria, Queens, New York, American actor (Watertown, New York )
  • 1948 Dan Simmons, Peoria, Illinois, writer (Hyperion Cantos, Ilium/Olympos series, Joe Kurtz series, Song of Kali)
  • 1958 Mary-Margaret Humes, Watertown, New York, actress  (Dawson’s Creek )
  • 1964 David Cross, Atlanta, Georgia, actor and comedian (Mr. Show , Arrested Development)
  • 1965 Robert Downey, Jr., New York, New York, actor (Air America, Charlie Chaplin, Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes remake)
  • 1973 David Blaine, New York City, New York,  illusionist/street magic
  • 1976 James Roday, San Antonio, Texas, actor (Psych, Skinwalkers, The Dukes of Hazzard)
  • 1983 Amanda Righetti, St. George, Utah, actress & film producer (The Mentalist, Friday the 13th, The O.C.)
  • 1991 Jamie Lynn Spears, McComb, Mississippi, actress and singer (All That and for playing Zoey Brooks on Zoey 101 )
  • 1992 Alexa Nikolas, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Zoey 101)

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One filled with joy preaches without preaching. – Mother Teresa

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1721 Sir Robert Walpole enters office as the first Prime Minister of the United Kingdom under King George I.
  • 1812 U.S. President James Madison enacted a ninety-day embargo on trade with the United Kingdom.
  • 1818 The United States Congress adopts the flag of the United States with 13 red and white stripes and one star for each state (then 20).
  • 1841 William Henry Harrison dies of pneumonia becoming the first President of the United States to die in office and the one with the shortest term served.
  • 1850 Los Angeles, California is incorporated as a city.
  • 1859 Bryant’s Minstrels debut “Dixie” in New York City in the finale of a blackface minstrel show.
  • 1949 Twelve nations sign the North Atlantic Treaty creating the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation.
  • 1958 The CND Peace Symbol displayed in public for the first time in London.
  • 1960 Senegal independence day.
  • 1964 The Beatles occupy the top five positions on the Billboard Hot 100 pop chart.
  • 1967 Martin Luther King, Jr. delivers his “Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence” speech in New York City’s Riverside Church.
  • 1968 Martin Luther King, Jr. is assassinated by James Earl Ray at a motel in Memphis, Tennessee.
  • 1968 Apollo 6 launched atop Saturn V; unmanned.
  • 1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implants the first temporary artificial heart.
  • 1973 The World Trade Center in New York is officially dedicated.
  • 1975 Microsoft is founded as a partnership between Bill Gates and Paul Allen in Albuquerque, New Mexico
  • 1983 Space Shuttle Challenger makes its maiden voyage into space (STS-6).
  • 1984 President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on chemical weapons.
  • 1991 Senator John Heinz of Pennsylvania and six others are killed when a helicopter collides with their plane over an elementary school in Merion, Pennsylvania.
  • 1994 Netscape Communications founded as Mosaic Communications by  Marc Andreessen and Jim Clark.

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Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence…I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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A young attorney was just starting up his private practice and was very anxious to impress potential clients. When the first person came through the office door, the lawyer immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, “I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll have to get back to you then.”

He then turned to the man who had just walked in and said, “Now, what can I do for you?”

“I’m here to hook up your phone.”

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ONE-LINERS: Insignificant Thoughts

~Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there’s a baseball player who’s making $250 million a year and I can’t remember his name.

Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.

~It’s better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor never have to fear becoming rich.

~Nothing is impossible if you don’t have to do it yourself.

~How about a Constitutional amendment declaring that anything said during a campaign commercial is considered to be under oath?

~Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?

~You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.

~Real courage is a willingness to attack raw oysters in public.

~It’s hard to relate to this high-tech world when your kid says her Lego toys need more memory.

~Every day in every way, I was getting worse and worse. Until I stopped trying to be myself.

~Isn’t it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combine into a political party and become collectively stupid?

!I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

~To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

~Only in America would people pay $69.95 for a toaster oven that automatically burns your frozen waffle.

~My mind is so crowded with valuable information that I can’t think.

~If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws up their noses back then seemed funnierthan the ones who stick earrings in their noses today.

~There’s just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop and smell the diesel exhaust.

~One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

~I read the newspaper every day just to see if there’s anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.

~Instead of building millionaires a new arena for their basketball team, why couldn’t the city fill in a few potholes?

~Does anyone know? If you voted for the winning Congressional candidate, can you take all your campaign promises in one lump sum?

~I encourage my children to read the newspaper, but they’re holding out for a remote that turns the pages.

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pic of the day:

Thistle

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ 5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.

~ Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

~ Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

~ Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

~ He has been a jogger for three years running.

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The new husband had just sat down to the first dinner cooked by his new blonde bride. He fished a piece of paper out of what was supposed to be a stew. He unfolded the paper and read, “What’s the earth With all its art, verse, music, worth – Compared with love, found, gained, and kept?”

“What the heck is this?” The husband asked.

“The recipe said that if the stew was too thin, I should add some Browning.”

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RANDOM THOUGHTS. . .

~ The speed of time is one second per second.
~ The two secrets to success: 1. Don’t share everything you know. 2.
~ The worst thing about censorship is *******.
~ There are three kinds of memory: good, bad, and convenient.
~ There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
~ These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”
~ They say the pen is mightier than the sword. But if you miss a deadline you’d better bring the sword.

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An elderly gentleman was reviewing his records at the hospital where I work. He expressed some concern at one notation. “I know I’m a bit difficult at times, but I didn’t realize I was that bad,” he said to me apologetically. “I hope I didn’t offend anyone.”

Then I explained the acronym in question meant “Short Of Breath” and not what he thought.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Cordon Bleu

~The origins of original cordon bleu as a schnitzel filled with cheese are in Switzerland, probably around the 1940s.

~It was first mentioned in a cookbook from 1949

~The earliest reference to “chicken cordon bleu” in The New York Times is dated to 1967

~ The French term Cordon Bleu is translated as “Blue Ribbon”.

~ A popular way to prepare chicken cordon bleu is to butterfly a chicken breast, place a thin slice of ham or prosciutto inside, along with a thin slice of a soft, easily melted cheese.

~The most similar European dish is chicken Kiev, chicken stuffed with seasoned butter, dredged in bread crumbs, and fried.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: All jobs are easy to the person who doesn’t have to do them. – Holt’s Law

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. – Oscar Wilde.