Jokes and Trivia for July 16, 2012

General principles should not be based on exceptional cases. – Robert J. Sawyer, “Calculating God”, 2000

TODAY – JULY 16th – MONDAY

198thday of 20112 with 168 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Corn Fritter’s Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1722 Joseph Wilton, London, English sculptor (one of the founding members of the Royal Academy)
  • 1872 Roald Amundsen, Norwegian explorer (led Antarctic expedition to discover South Pole)
  • 1907 Barbara Stanwyck, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Night Nurse, Union Pacific, The Lady Eve, The Big Valley, The Thorn Birds)
  • 1907 Orville Redenbacher, Brazil, Indiana, businessman (popcorn!)
  • 1911 Ginger Rogers, Independence, Missouri, actress, dancer (Fred Astaire’s dancing partner in 10 films, Kitty Foyle, Lady in the Dark, Storm Warning)
  • 1926 Irwin Rose, Brooklyn, New York,  biologist (Nobel / ubiquitin-mediated protein degradation)
  • 1936 Buddy Merrill, Torrey, Utah, musician (The Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1946 Richard LeParmentier, Pennsylvania, British actor (Admiral Motti / Star Wars IV: A New Hope; Santino in Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
  • 1952 Stewart Copeland, Alexandria, Virginia, drummer (The Police)
  • 1956 Jerry Doyle, Brooklyn, New York, talk radio host / actor (The Jerry Doyle Show / Michael Garibaldi on Babylon 5)
  • 1967 Will Ferrell, Irvine, California, comedian (Saturday Night Live, Talledega Nights, Blades of Glory, The Other Guys)
  • 1963 Phoebe Cates, NYC, New York, actress (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Gremlins)
  • 1968 Larry Sanger, Bellevue, Washington, philosopher, co-founder of Wikipedia, founder of Citizendium
  • 1969 Daryl Mitchell, The Bronx, New York, actor (The John Larroquette Show, Veronica’s Closet, Ed)
  • 1971 Corey Feldman, Los Angeles, California, actor (Friday the 13th, The Goonies, The Lost Bogs, Gremlins, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1971 Ed Kowalczyk, York, Pennsylvania, singer (Live)
  • 1974 Chris Pontius, Pasadena, California, actor and Jackass cast member
  • 1979 Jayma Mays, Bristol, Tennessee, actress (Glee, Ugly Betty, Heroes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Smurfs)
  • 1987 Andrew James Allen, Redmond, Washington, actor (The Lovely Bones, Hyena, Smiley)
  • 1990 James Maslow, New York City, New York, singer and actor (Big Time Rush, Big Time Movie)
  • 1991 Randall Bentley, Marietta, Georgia, actor (Heroes, Love’s Unfolding Dream)
  • 1994 Mark Indelicato, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer and actor (Ugly Betty )

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Sometimes old things need to go away. That way, we have room for the new things that come into our lives. – Randy K. Milholland

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1769 Father Junipero Serra founds California’s first mission, Mission San Diego de Alcalá. Over the following decades, it evolves into the city of San Diego.
  • 1779 American Revolutionary War: light infantry of the Continental Army seize a fortified British Army position in a midnight bayonet attack at the Battle of Stony Point.
  • 1790 District of Columbia established as the capital of the United States after signature of the Residence Act.
  • 1861 By order of President Abraham Lincoln, Union troops begin a 25 mile march into Virginia during the Civil War for what became The First Battle of Bull Run, the first major land battle of the war.
  • 1862 David Farragut is promoted to rear admiral during The Civil War, becoming the first officer in United States Navy to hold an admiral rank.
  • 1927 Augusto César Sandino leads a raid on U.S. Marines and Nicaraguan Guardia Nacional that had been sent to apprehend him in the village of Ocotal, but is repulsed by one of the first dive-bombing attacks in history.
  • 1931 Emperor Haile Selassie I signs the first constitution of Ethiopia.
  • 1935 The world’s first parking meter is installed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
  • 1941 Joe DiMaggio hits safely for the 56th consecutive game, a streak that still stands as a MLB record.
  • 1956 Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus closes its very last “Big Tent” show in Pittsburgh, due to changing economics all subsequent circus shows will be held in arenas.
  • 1957 United States Marine major John Glenn flies a F8U Crusader supersonic jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds, setting a new transcontinental speed record.
  • 1960 USS George Washington a modified Skipjack class submarine successfully test fires the first ballistic missile while submerged.
  • 1965 The Mont Blanc Tunnel linking France and Italy opens.
  • 1969 Apollo 11, the first manned space mission to land on the Moon, is launched from the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 1973 Watergate Scandal: former White House aide Alexander P. Butterfield informs the United States Senate that President Richard Nixon had secretly recorded potentially incriminating conversations.
  • 1999 John F. Kennedy, Jr., piloting a Piper Saratoga aircraft, dies when his plane crashes into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard. His wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette are also killed.
  • 2004 Millennium Park, considered Chicago’s first and most ambitious early 21st century architectural project, is opened to the public by Mayor Richard M. Daley.

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There was a pretty Nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend.

“Do you mean to say,” exclaimed Cindy, “that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents ?”

“Not only that,” said Carol, “he sent me a bill for 37 visits.”

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My five-year-old son squealed with delight when he opened his birthday present from his grandmother. It was a water pistol. He promptly ran to the sink to fill it.

“Mom,” I said. “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water pistols?”

My mom smiled and said, “Yes, I remember.”

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ONE-LINERS: Classes for Men: Day One

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other – Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming – Open forum

Classes for Men: Day Two

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available

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pic of the day: Fiddling Around

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Confucius Say: Man who find job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.

—–

Magazine: A bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.

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My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, “My dog got hold of this.”

The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. “Well, what do you recommend?” I asked.

He looked at me and replied, “Give your dog the other shoe.”

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A Motorist collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q – What warning was given by you?
A – Horn.

Q – What warning was given by the other party?
A ­ Moo.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CORN

~There are 5,638 people in the U.S. listed on whitepages.com with the last name ‘Corn’.

~Corn is used in the production of alcohol, and distilled spirits, corn syrup, sugar, cornstarch, synthetic fibers such as nylon, certain plastics, in the manufacture of wood resin, lubricating oils and synthetic rubber, as an abrasive, corn cob pipes, corn oil, margarine, saccharin, paints, soaps, linoleum and gasohol.

~Fresh corn on the cob will lose up to 40% of its sugar content after 6 hours of room temperature storage. The sugar is converted to starch.

~Corn is the third most important food crop of the world.

~Washington, Missouri, is known as the Corn Cob Pipe Capital of the World.

~Nebraska is the ‘Cornhusker State.’

~The world record for eating corn on the cob is 33 1/2 ears in 12 minutes, held by Cookie Jarvis.

~Florida, California, Georgia, Washington and New York together accounted for 66 percent of the fresh market sweet corn produced nationally in 2009.

~Mitchell, South Dakota is the home of the world’s only Corn Palace.

~Your bacon and egg breakfast, glass of milk at lunch, or hamburger for supper were all produced with U.S. corn.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. – William Congreve

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.”  – Ellen Glasgow