Jokes and Trivia for December 7, 2012

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. ― Aristotle

TODAY – DECEMBER 7th – FRIDAY

342nd day of 2012 with 24 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Civil Aviation Day

*Letter Writing Day

*National Cotton Candy Day (Would you like some fairy floss?)

*National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1823 Leopold Kronecker, German mathematician (argued that arithmetic and analysis must be founded on “whole numbers”, saying, “God made the integers; all else is the work of man” / Tensor of Kronecker)
  • 1863 Richard Sears, Stewartville, Minnesota, department store founder
  • 1873 Willa Cather, Winchester, Virginia, author (My Antonia, O Pioneers!)
  • 1910 Richard Brooke Roberts, Titusville, Pennsylvania, biophysicist (contributed to the discovery of “delayed neutrons”)
  • 1910 Eleanor Gibson, Peoria, Illinois, psychologist (studied learning processes in children)
  • 1923 Ted Knight, Terryville, Connecticut, (Mary Tyler Moore, Too Close for Comfort, Caddyshack)
  • 1932 Ellen Burstyn, Detroit, Michigan, actress (Exorcist, Alice Doesn’t Live Here, The 5 People You Meet in Heaven)
  • 1942 Harry Chapin, New York, New York, folk/rock singer/songwriter (Taxi, Cat’s in the Cradle)
  • 1943 Susan Isaacs, Brooklyn, New York, author (Compromising Positions, Long Time No See, Past Perfect, Goldberg Variations)
  • 1948 Gary Morris, Fort Worth, Texas,  singer and actor (“The Wind Beneath My Wings”)
  • 1956 Larry Bird, West Balden Springs, Indiana, top basketball player, coach (Boston Celtics, retired 1992)
  • 1961 Lisa Fischer, Brooklyn, New York City, New York,  R&B singer (How Can I Ease the Pain )
  • 1965 Jeffrey Wright, Washington, D.C.,  actor (Quantum of Solace, Cadillac Records, Syriana)
  • 1966 C. Thomas Howell, Van Nuys, California,  actor (The Outsiders, The Hitcher, Soul Man, The Poseidon Adventure, War of the Worlds)
  • 1978 Shiri Appleby, Los Angeles, California, actress (Liz Parker – Roswell; Ms. Murphy – ER, The Killing Floor, Charlie Wilson’s War)
  • 1979 Sara Bareilles, Eureka, California,  singer (Love Song )
  • 1979 Jennifer Carpenter, Louisville, Kentucky,  actress (The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Quarantine)
  • 1987 Aaron Carter, Tampa, Florida,  singer and actor (Crush on You, Let The Music Heal Your Soul )
  • 1988 Emily Browning, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia,  actress (Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Uninvited )

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The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. – Bill Copeland

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 Marquis de Lafayette attempts to enter the American military as a major general.
  • 1787 Delaware becomes the first state to ratify the United States Constitution.
  • 1862 Battle of Prairie Grove, Arkansas during the US Civil War.
  • 1869 In Gallatin, Missouri, first confirmed bank robbery commited by outlaw Jesse James.
  • 1909 Leo Hendrick Baekeland, Yonkers NY, received patent #942,699 for the first synthetic plastic, known as Bakelite.
  • 1917 World War I: The United States declares war on Austria-Hungary.
  • 1930 W1XAV in Boston, Massachusetts broadcasts video from the CBS radio orchestra program, The Fox Trappers. The broadcast also includes the first television commercial in the United States, an advertisement for I.J. Fox Furriers, who sponsored the radio show.
  • 1941 Imperial Japanese Navy attacks the US Pacific Fleet and its defending Army Air Forces and Marine air forces at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
  • 1963 Instant replay makes its debut during an Army–Navy game.
  • 1972 Apollo 17, the last Apollo moon mission, is launched. The crew takes the photograph known as The Blue Marble as they leave the Earth.
  • 1982 In Texas, Charles Brooks, Jr. becomes the first person to be executed by lethal injection in the United States.
  • 1993 The Long Island Rail Road massacre: Passenger Colin Ferguson murders six people and injures 19 others on the LIRR in Nassau County, New York.
  • 1994 Norfolk Southern ends its steam excursion program. This is the last time that Norfolk and Western 611 is under steam.
  • 1995 The Galileo spacecraft arrives at Jupiter, a little more than six years after it was launched by Space Shuttle Atlantis during Mission STS-34.
  • 1999 The Recording Industry Association of America files a lawsuit against the Napster file-sharing client alleging copyright infringement.
  • 2003 The Conservative Party of Canada is officially ratified after the merger of the Canadian Alliance and Progressive Conservative Party of Canada.
  • 2005 Rigoberto Alpizar, a passenger on American Airlines Flight 924 who allegedly claimed to have a bomb, is shot and killed by a team of U.S. federal air marshals at Miami International Airport.
  • 2006 A tornado strikes Kensal Green, North West London, seriously damaging about 150 properties.

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A Navy officer encounted a sailor who was reading a magazine with his feet up on a small table.

“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?”

“No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either.”

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Mother to daughter during mall shopping trip: “I like that fur coat. This year I think I’ll buy my Christmas present instead
of making your father shop for me.”

“But mom, some helpless, poor miserable creature has to suffer so that you can have a coat.”

“Don’t worry honey. Your father won’t get the bill for a couple of weeks.”

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ONE-LINERS: Only a Southerner

– Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.

– Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

– Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

– Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, . as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

– Only a Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

– Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large peach cobbler!

– Only a Southerner grows up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

– Only a Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” and go your own way.

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pic of the day: 3 Horses in Field

picture of 3 horses

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

An Englishman accidentally poured his dessert of strawberries into the bowl which contained the last of his Caesar salad.

He tasted the resulting combination and liked it so much that from then on he always berried his last romaines.

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Guy proposing to gal: “I know there are quite a lot of advantages to being single, but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another, someone who will be kind and faithful when times are hard and who will share joys and sorrows.”

She nodded in agreement. “I think it’s a wonderful idea! When do you want me to go help you pick out a puppy?!?”

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Sadly, church feuds are not uncommon. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, ‘I Shall Not Be Moved.’

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, ‘Jesus Paid It All.’

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was ‘I Love To Tell The
Story.’

The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang ‘Oh, Why Not Tonight.’

When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus.’

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: COTTON CANDY

~Cotton candy dates back to the late 1890s to 1900. One of its earliest appearances was at the Paris Exposition of 1900.

~It was invented independently by two different dentists.

~Dragon’s Beard, made by hand pulling and stretching sugar until it becomes fine like spider silk.

~In 1897 a dentist by the name of William Morrison worked with confection by the name of John C. Wharton to refine and semi-automate the process of crafting Dragon’s Beard. They sold the machine-spun sugar under the name “Fairy Floss” at the 1904 moving over 68,000 boxes of it.

~Joseph Lascaux, it believed to have made a similar machine which also spun sugar into a fine fluff. He called it cotton candy, a name that has fixed ever since.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Imagination is more important than knowledge – Albert Einstein. (Witty Quips Genius)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach. – Benjamin Mays