Jokes and Trivia for January 2, 2013

The faster the word sticks to the thought, the more beautiful is the effect. – Gustave Flaubert

TODAY – JANUARY 2nd – WEDNESDAY

2nd day of 2013 with 363 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* National Cream Puff Day

* Run It Up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1647 Nathaniel Bacon, Jamestown, Virginia, colonist (famous as the instigator of Bacon’s Rebellion)
  • 1822 Rudolf Clausius, Köslin, Province of Pomerania, German physicist (one of the central founders of the science of thermodynamics)
  • 1857 M. Carey Thomas, Baltimore, Maryland, suffragist, educator,  and second President of Bryn Mawr College
  • 1886 Apsley Cherry-Garrard, English explorer of Antarctica. (Survived Terra Nova Expedition, wrote The Worst Journey in the World)
  • 1901 Bob Marshall, New York City, New York, forester, author and wilderness activist (Artic Village)
  • 1905 Lev Schnirelmann, Gomel, Belarus, Russian Empire, mathematician, sought to prove Goldbach’s conjecture
  • 1909 Barry Goldwater, Phoenix, Arizona Territory, U.S. Senator from Arizona (5 terms), nominee for President in 1964 election, “Mr. Conservative”
  • 1920 Isaac Asimov, Petrovichi, Russia, American author of science fiction and popular science books (Foundation Series, Robot series, Lucky Starr series)
  • 1925 William J. Crowe, La Grange, Kentucky, U.S. Navy Admiral, Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff (Reagan & H.W. Bush administrations), ambassador to UK (Clinton administration)
  • 1925 Larry Harmon, Toledo, Ohio, entertainer (Bozo the Clown)
  • 1936 Roger Miller, Fort Worth, Texas, singer (“King of the Road”, “Dang Me” and “England Swings”)
  • 1940 S. R. S. Varadhan, Indian-American mathematician (received the highest honor bestowed by the United States government on scientists, engineers and inventors)
  • 1947 Jack Hanna, Knoxville, Tennessee, zookeeper (Director Emeritus of Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, appears on Good Morning America, David Letterman, Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures)
  • 1959 Kim Coates, Canadian actor (Airborne, Battlefield Earth, Black Hawk Down, Open Range, Sons of Anarchy, Resident Evil: Afterlife, Goon)
  • 1961 Gabrielle Carteris, Scottsdale, Arizona, actress (Beverly Hills, 90210)
  • 1967 Tia Carrere, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Wayne’s World, Duck Dodgers, True Lies, Relic Hunter, Lilo & Stitch)
  • 1968 Cuba Gooding Jr., New York City, New York, actor (Outbreak, The Tuskegee Airmen, Jerry Maguire, Men of Honor, Radio, Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story)
  • 1969 Robby Gordon, Cerritos, California, racecar driver (NASCAR Sprint Cup; 3 wins, 40 top tens, 1 pole)
  • 1971 Renee Elise Goldsberry, San Jose, California, actress and singer (All About You, One Life to Live, The Good Wife)
  • 1975 Doug Robb, American singer (Hoobastank)
  • 1975 Dax Shepard, Milford, Michigan, actor (Idiocracy, Brother’s Justice )
  • 1983 Kate Bosworth, Los Angeles, California, actress (Young Americans, Beyond the Sea, Superman Returns, 21, Big Sur)
  • 1985 Healther O’Reilly (HAO), New Brunswick, New Jersey, soccer player (U.S. Women’s national team; 3 time Olympic Gold Medalist)

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That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. – Henry David Thoreau

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 American Revolutionary War: American forces under the command of George Washington repulsed a British attack at the Battle of the Assunpink Creek near Trenton, New Jersey
  • 1788 Georgia becomes the fourth state to ratify the United States Constitution
  • 1860 The discovery of the planet Vulcan is announced at a meeting of the Académie des Sciences in Paris
  • 1871 Amadeus I becomes King of Spain.
  • 1900 John Hay announces the Open Door Policy to promote trade with China.
  • 1920 The second Palmer Raid takes place with another 6,000 suspected communists and anarchists arrested and held without trial. These raids take place in several U.S. cities.
  • 1935 Bruno Hauptmann goes on trial for the murder of Charles Lindbergh, Jr., infant son of aviator Charles Lindbergh.
  • 1942 FBI convicts 33 members of a German spy ring headed by Fritz Joubert Duquesne in the largest espionage case in U.S. history—the Duquesne Spy Ring.
  • 1959 Luna 1, the first spacecraft to reach the vicinity of the Moon and to orbit the Sun, is launched by the U.S.S.R.
  • 1974 President Richard Nixon signs a bill lowering the maximum U.S. speed limit to 55 MPH in order to conserve gasoline during an OPEC embargo
  • 1999 A brutal snowstorm smashes into the Midwestern United States, causing 14 inches (359 mm) of snow in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and 19 inches (487 mm) in Chicago, where temperatures plunge to -13 °F (-25 °C); 68 deaths are reported
  • 2001 Sila Calderón becomes the first female Governor of Puerto Rico
  • 2002 Eduardo Duhalde is appointed interim President of Argentina by the Legislative Assembly.
  • 2004 Stardust successfully flies past Comet Wild 2, collecting samples that are returned to Earth.
  • 2006 An explosion in a coal mine in Sago, West Virginia traps and kills 12 miners, while leaving one miner in critical condition.

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Doctor: “You’re in great shape for your age, but I’m not a magician – I can’t make you any younger.”

Elderly Patient: “Who asked you to make me younger?  Just make sure I get older!”

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A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?”

The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the city zoo.”

“Oh no! Which way is it heading?”

“Well, you don’t think we’re chasing it, do you?”

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ONE-LINERS:

* There are 3 fundamental truths about religion:

1) Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Son of God.

2) Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ.

3) Baptists don’t recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.

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pic of the day: Wild Turkeys

 image of wild turkey heads

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!

What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!

Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!

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An driver from Concord, USA, drove his car at a gang of Hell’s Angels while waving a pool cue.  He then got out of his car and managed to run himself over.  We did not make this up, it was reported in the San Francisco Chronicle.  Richard Brooks, 50, was driving along Highway 4 near Concord, California, when he saw the bikers, many of whom were wearing leather and skull caps.

California Highway Patrol Officer Scott Yox told the SF Chronicle that the man waved a pool cue at the bikers and swerved his car towards them. The bikers split into two groups to get out of his way and the irate driver aimed his car at two bikers who had pulled off the highway. He got out of his car with the pool cue – but before he could do anything, he was knocked down by his own car which had been left in reverse.

The man was knocked into the highway and his car reversed into the central reservation. Some of the bikers grabbed him and pulled him out of danger. The man suffered cuts and scratches and was taken to hospital. He could face charges of assault with a deadly weapon and drunk driving.

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape.

So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: CREAM PUFFS

~The term ‘cream puff’, a small puff pastry filled with whipped cream, dates to around 1880 in the U.S.

~One myth surrounding the history of cream puffs is that they were invented by Catherine de Medici’s cook. Catherine de Medici, daughter of the famous Renaissance Italy family of Medicis, was the queen of France. Because Catherine was a patroness of the arts, many assume that her high taste in art ran to high art in the kitchen.

~Many anthropologists now believe cream puffs (CPs) have been with humanity longer than mosquitoes, dust and lying politicians.

The next time you eat a cream puff, remember you are taking a bite out of history.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: One man’s folly is another man’s wife – Helen Rowland.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they are geniuses. – John Eliot