Jokes and Trivia for June 7, 2012

To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life. – Robert Louis Stevenson

TODAY – JUNE 7th – THURSDAY

159th day of 2012 with 207 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

* Daniel Boone Day (celebrated by Kentucky Historical Society, as frontiersman Daniel Boone first saw the forests and valleys of present-day Kentucky on this day in 1769)

* Vivien Kellems Memorial Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  •  1761 John Rennie, British engineer and architect (designed the London Bridge)
  • 1811 Sir James Young Simpson, Scottish inventor and obstetrician (father of modern anesthetics)
  • 1843 Susan Elizabeth Blow, St. Louis, Missouri, pioneered kindergarten education
  •  1848 Paul Gaugin [Eugene Henri], French post-impressionist painter
  •  1868 Charles Rennie Mackintosh, Scottish architect, designer, and watercolourist (Arts & Crafts Movement, Art Nouveau)
  • 1879 Knut Rasmussen, Greenland-born explorer (Father of “Eskimology”)
  • 1896 Robert Mulliken, Newburyport, Massachusetts, chemist/physicist (Nobel /molecular orbit theory)
  • 1909 Jessica Tandy, London, actress (Birds, Cocoon, Batteries Not Included, Driving Miss Daisy, Fried Green Tomatoes)
  • 1909 Virginia Apgar, Westfield, New Jersey, physician and childbirth specialist (APGAR score for newborns)
  • 1917 Dean Martin, Steubenville OH, singer/comedian (partner for Jerry Lewis)
  • 1917 Gwendolyn Brooks, Topeka KS, US poet (The Bean Eaters)
  • 1928 Bernard F. Burke, American radio astronomer and author (discovered Jupiter emits radio waves)
  • 1940 Tom Jones, Wales, singer (What’s New Pussycat)
  • 1943 Ken Osmond, Glendale, California, actor, police officer LAPD (Eddie Haskell/Leave It To Beaver)
  • 1950 Gary Graham, Long Beach, California, actor (Det. Matt Sikes/Alien Nation; Ambassador Soval/ST Enterprise)
  • 1952 Liam Neeson, Northern Irish actor (Schindler’s List, Qui-Gon Jinn / Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Batman Begins, Aslan/Chronicles of Narnia, Excaliber, Rob Roy, Clash of the Titans, A-Team, The Grey)
  • 1954 Louise Erdrich, Little Falls, Minnesota, author Native American literature (Plague of Doves)
  • 1955 William Forsythe, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Gotti, Larva, The Rock, Outlaw)
  • 1958 Prince [Rodgers Nelson], Minneapolis, Minnesota, rocker/actor (1999, Purple Rain, Planet Earth)
  • 1969 Kim Rhodes, Portland, Oregon, actress (Another World, As The World Turns, Suite Life of Zach & Cody)
  • 1978 Adrienne Frantz, Mount Clemens, Michigan, actress (The Bold & The Beautiful, The Young & The Restless)
  • 1981 Anna Kournikova, Russian tennis player (celebrity trainer for 2 seasons on The Biggest Loser)
  • 1981 Larisa Oleynik, Santa Clara Co., California, actress (The Secret Life of Alex Mack, The Baby-sitters Club, 10 Things I Hate About You)

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Take care that you never spell a word wrong. Always before you write a word, consider how it is spelled, and, if you do not remember, turn to a dictionary. It produces great praise to a lady to spell well. – Thomas Jefferson

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1892 Benjamin Harrison becomes the first President of the United States to attend a baseball game.
  • 1929 Vatican City becomes a sovereign state.
  • 1938  The Douglas DC-4E makes its first test flight.
  • 1942 World War II: The Battle of Midway ends.
  • 1965 Supreme Court of the US decides on Griswold v. Connecticut, effectively legalizing the use of contraception by married couples.
  • 1965 Gemini IV, with James McDivitt and Ed White, completed US’s first EVA and 62 orbits in 4 days, then splashed down in the ocean.
  • 1969 Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash combine on a Grand Ole Opry TV special.
  • 1975 Sony introduces the Betamax videocassette recorder for sale to the public.
  • 1977 500 million people watch on television as the high day of Jubilee gets underway for Queen Elizabeth II.
  • 1981 Israeli Air Force destroys Iraq’s Osiraq nuclear reactor during Operation Opera a facility the Israelis charged could have been used to make nuclear weapons.
  • 1982 Priscilla Presley opens Graceland to the public; the bathroom where Elvis Presley died five years earlier is kept off-limits.
  • 1991 Mount Pinatubo explodes generating an ash column 7 km (4.5 miles) high.
  • 1995 The long range Boeing 777 enters service with United Airlines.

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As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the flight attendant, “What’s that stuff all over those hills?”

“Just snow,” replied the flight attendant.

“That’s what I thought.” Then the lady turned to her husband, “See? You said it was grease.”

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ONE-LINERS: Yo mamma is so old …

… she thinks a website is where a spider lives.

… she thinks a hard drive is a long and bumpy road.

… she thinks a search engine is a kind of train.

… she thinks an iPod is some sort of sleeping bag.

… her first hearing aid was powered by steam.

… I told her to act her age, and she died.

… her social security number is 1.

… when she was in school there was no history class.

… she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

… her birth certificate says EXPIRED on it.

… she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

… her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

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pic of the day: Yellow and Brown Moth

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune by Simon and Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, “Well, did he?”

“Did he what?”

Her reply: “Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?”
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Texas makes me think of the old slogan ‘Remember the Alamo.’ It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and … sued for Alamo knee.

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Some race horses are chatting: “In my last 16 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”

“I’ve won 20 of my last 27 races.”

“Oh that’s good, but in my last 37 races I won 29!”

At this point they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but I won 89 of my last 91 races.”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow,” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
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Church Bulletin Bloopers

His left thumb, which was shot away, is doing nicely.

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The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends.

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Dr. Gilbert Murray, O.M., will celebrate his ninetieth birthday quietly at his home tomorrow, with his wife, Mary Murray. They have been married 66 years. This evening he is to broadcast his weekly radio homily, a talk called “Unfinished Battle.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Let’s meet Mr. Daniel Boone

~ The frontiersman who settled Kentucky

~ He was an explorer and hunter whose exploits made him one of the most famous frontiersman in American history.

~He explored west into Kentucky in the 1760s and 1770s.

~In 1775 he established the frontier outpost of Boonesborough, one of the first white settlements in Kentucky.

~Boone was played by actor Fess Parker in the children’s TV series Daniel Boone from 1964-70; the show’s theme song described him as “the rippin’est, roarin’est, fightin’est man the frontier ever knew.”

~But unlike Parker, the real Boone did not wear a coonskin hat… The Cumberland National Forest in Kentucky was renamed in 1966 as the Daniel Boone National Forest.

~ And today is his day!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Every man is in some way my superior. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday. – Ralph Waldo Emerson