December 12, 2013

“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.
Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?” ― Brian Tracy

TODAY – DECEMBER 12th – THURSDAY

346th day of 2013 with 19 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Ding-a-Ling Day

*Poinsettia Day

*National Cocoa Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1863 Edvard Munch, Norwegian painter (The Scream)
  • 1866 Alfred Werner, Mulhouse, Alsace, Swiss chemist (configuration of transition metal complexes)
  • 1893 Edward G. Robinson, Romanian-American actor (Little Caesar, Key Largo, Double Indemnity, The Ten Commandments)
  • 1915 Frank Sinatra, Hoboken, New Jersey, singer and actor
  • 1923 Bob Barker, Darrington, Washington, television game show host (Truth or Consequences, The Price is Right)
  • 1927 Robert Noyce, Burlington, Iowa, inventor (integrated circuit or microchip which fueled the personal computer revolution and gave Silicon Valley its name)
  • 1940 Dionne Warwick, East Orange, New Jersey, singer (40 biggest hit makers of the entire rock era (1955–1999) )
  • 1943 Dickey Betts, West Palm Beach, Florida, musician (The Allman Brothers Band)
  • 1947 Wings Hauser, Hollywood, California, actor (Rubber, Stone Angel )
  • 1952 Cathy Rigby, Los Alamitos, California, gymnast (first American woman to win medal at World Gymnastics Championships) and actress
  • 1953 Bruce Kulick, Brooklyn, New York, guitarist (Kiss, Grand Funk Railroad)
  • 1958 Sheree J. Wilson, Rochester, Minnesota, actress (Walker, Texas Ranger )
  • 1967 Deke Sharon, San Francisco, musician, the father of contemporary a cappella
  • 1970 Jennifer Connelly, Round Top, New York, actress (The Day the Earth Stood Still , He’s Just Not That Into You )
  • 1970 Regina Hall, Washington, D.C., actress (Scary Movie )
  • 1977 Bridget Hall, Springdale, Arkansas, supermodel, she was listed in Forbes as one of the “best ten” moneymaking supermodel

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“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1781 Second Battle of Ushant – A Royal Navy squadron, commanded by Rear Admiral Richard Kempenfelt in HMS Victory, defeats a French fleet during the American Revolutionary War.
  • 1787 Pennsylvania becomes the second state to ratify the United States Constitution five days after Delaware became the first.
  • 1862 USS Cairo sinks on the Yazoo River, becoming the first armored ship to be sunk by an electrically detonated mine.
  • 1917 In Nebraska, Father Edward J. Flanagan founds Boys Town as a farm village for wayward boys.
  • 1941 Adolf Hitler announces plans for extermination of the Jews at a meeting in the Reich Chancellery.
  • 1942 German troops begin Operation Winter Storm during WWII, an attempt to relieve encircled Axis forces during the Battle of Stalingrad.
  • 1950 Paula Ackerman, the first woman appointed to perform rabbinical functions in the United States, leads the congregation in her first services.
  • 1985 Arrow Air Flight 1285 crashes after takeoff in Gander, Newfoundland killing 256, including 236 members of the United States Army’s 101st Airborne Division.
  • 1988 The Clapham Junction rail crash kills thirty-five and injures hundreds after two collisions of three commuter trains – one of the worst train crashes in the United Kingdom.
  • 1991 Russian Federation gains independence from the USSR.
  • 2000 The United States Supreme Court releases its decision in Bush v. Gore

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A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “how did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.

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After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“That’s still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

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ONE-LINERS: These jokes are taken from REAL résumés and cover letters and were printed in the Fortune Magazine:
1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
2. “I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.”
3. “I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
8. “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
14 “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.”
15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
16. “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training n meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
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It’s so cold

… General Motors is begging the government for a billion barrels of hot soup.

… Scotsmen have started wearing pants.

… the thermometer went down so far, I had to go down to the cellar in order to read it.

… when my wife shoveled the sidewalk, I could see her breath all the way from the living room couch.

… New Jersey Governor Christie is introducing an 11% Shivering Tax.

… Grandpa’s teeth are chattering — in the glass!

… the cops are taking turns tasering each other.

… Playboy magazine has stopped publishing because they can’t find women who’ll take their clothes off.

… the top Internet search topic is for “how to” information on spontaneous combustion.

… I quit trimming my mustache and beard; when the hair gets too long, I just break a little bit off.

… kids carrying blankets are no longer considered strange.

… I had lunch down at the “Greasy Spoon”, just for the heartburn.

… the school concert was canceled and the nurse spent the entire afternoon removing instruments from the lips of the brass section.

… New Yorkers now give each other “the mitt”.

… I bought my boots six sizes larger to allow for the extra socks.

… our heating bill was four times more than the mortgage payment.

… politicians have stopped blowing hot air.

… only people with names like “Al” and “Ed” have time to write their names in the snow.

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pic of the day: Rafting down river near Cherokee, North Carolina


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

~My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.

~I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

~Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn’t fit in.

~I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

~I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
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A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, “What do you suggest I wash it down with?”

“Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”

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TOP FIVE LEAST POPULAR CHURCH CHRISTMAS DRAMAS
By Dave Tippett

5. “It’s a Wonderful After Life”

4. “The Texting Shepherd and the Gabriel Disaster”

3. “How MMA Saved Christmas”

2. “The Stable Animal’s Tweets”

1. “Ron Burgundy: Wise Man Number 4”

Copyright 2013 Dave Tippett.

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One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, “Why are you late?”

The student replied, “I was trying not to get another ticket.”

The officer let him in.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA:>: Poinsettia

~The Aztecs called poinsettias “Cuetlaxochitle.” used to control fevers and the bracts (modified leaves) were used to make a reddish dye. Poinsettias are native to Mexico.

~ William Prescott, a historian and horticulturist, was asked to give Euphorbia pulcherrima a new name as it became more popular. At that time Mr. Prescott had just published a book called The Conquest of Mexico in which he detailed Joel Poinsett’s discovery of the plant. So, Prescott named the plant the poinsettia in honor of Joel Poinsett’s discovery.

~ A nurseryman from Pennsylvania, John Bartram is credited as being the first person to sell poinsettias under its botanical name.

~poinsettia is the “Crown of the Andes” in Chile and Peru

~Poinsettias are part of the Euphorbiaceae family. Many plants in this family ooze a milky sap.

~ Poinsettias are a perennial flowering shrubs that can grow to 10 feet tall.

~ Poinsettias have also been called the lobster flower and flame leaf flower.

~A fresh poinsettia is one on which little or no yellow pollen is showing on the flower clusters in the center of the bracts.

~ Ninety percent of all poinsettias are exported from the United States.

~California is the top poinsettia-producing state.

~Today is National Poinsettia Day. $220 million worth of poinsettias are sold during the holiday season.

~There are more than 100 varieties of poinsettias available.

~Eighty percent of poinsettias are purchased by women and Eighty percent of people who purchase poinsettias are 40 or older.

~Poinsettias are the most popular Christmas plant even though most are sold in a six-week period.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. – Josh Billings

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.” ― Jim Morrison

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