December 16, 2013

“In my experience, nothing worthwhile has ever really been all that easy. But it certainly has been worthwhile regardless how difficult it seemed. ” ― Robert Fanney

TODAY – DECEMBER 16th – MONDAY

350th day of 2013 with 15 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day (we’ll toast to that!)

*Adelaide of Italy Feast Day (patron saint to abuse victims; brides; empresses; exiles; in-law problems; parenthood; parents of large families; princesses; prisoners; second marriages; step-parents; widows)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1770 Ludwig von Beethoven, Bonn Germany, composer (Ode to Joy)
  • 1775 Jane Austin, England, novelist (Pride and Prejudice)
  • 1776 Johann Wilhelm Ritter, German physicist (electrochemistry, ultraviolet light)
  • 1882 Walther Meissner, Berlin, Germany, physicist (Meissner effect, Superconductivity)
  • 1917 Arthur C[harles] Clarke, sci-fi author (2001, 2010, Childhood’s End)
  • 1927 Randall Garrett, Lexington, Missouri, sci-fi and fantasy writer (Lord Darcy books, The Gandalara Cycle)
  • 1928 Philip K[indred] Dick, Chicago, Illinois, sci-fi author (Hugo-1963, Blade Runner; Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly, Minority Report)
  • 1947 Ben Cross, London, England, actor (Chariots of Fire, Far Pavilions)
  • 1962 William “The Refrigerator” Perry, Aiken, South Carolina, former NFL defensive back (Chicago Bears/Eagles)
  • 1963 Benjamin Bratt, San Francisco, California, actor (Blood in Blood Out, Miss Congeniality, Traffic, Piñero)
  • 1965 Nancy Valen, Hallandale Beach, Florida, actress (Baywatch )
  • 1970 Daniel Cosgrove, New Haven, Connecticut, actor (All My Children, Bill Lewis on Guiding Light , As the World Turns)
  • 1971 Michael McCary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer (Boyz II Men)
  • 1987 Hallee Hirsh, Omaha, Nebraska, actress (Flight 29 Down )
  • 1988 Anna Popplewell, London, England, actress (The Chronicles of Narnia )

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“The fact that you are still alive assures you that God has something for you to accomplish.” ― Rodney A. Winters

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1773 Boston Tea Party: Members of the Sons of Liberty disguised as Mohawks dump crates of tea into Boston harbor as a protest against the Tea Act.
  • 1811 The first two in a series of severe earthquakes occur in the vicinity of New Madrid, Missouri. These three so-called mega-quakes are believed to be an ongoing cataclysmic danger that could reprise the 1811-12 series of 2,000 quakes that affected the lands of what would be eight of today’s heartland states of the United States.
  • 1863 During the American Civil War, Joseph E. Johnston replaces Braxton Bragg as commander of the Army of Tennessee.
  • 1864 Battle of Nashville of Civil War, in which Major General George H. Thomas’s Union forces defeat of Lieutenant General John Bell Hood’s Confederate Army of Tennessee.
  • 1937 Theodore Cole and Ralph Roe attempt to escape from the American federal prison on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay; neither is ever seen again.
  • 1944 The Battle of the Bulge begins during World War II with the surprise offensive of three German armies through the Ardennes forest.
  • 1947 William Shockley, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain build the first practical point-contact transistor.
  • 1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman declares a state of emergency after Chinese troops enter the fight with communist North Korea in the Korean War.
  • 1978 Cleveland, Ohio becomes the first post-Depression era city to default on its loans, owing $14,000,000 to local banks.
  • 1979 Libya joins four other OPEC nations in raising crude oil prices, having an immediate dramatic effect on the United States.
  • 1985  In New York City, Mafia Paul Castellano and Thomas Bilotti are shot dead on the orders of John Gotti, who assumes leadership of the Gambino family.
  • 1989 Walter LeRoy Moody begins his terrorist bombing streak when he sends Judge Robert Smith Vance a bomb in the mail, instantly killing him near his house in Birmingham, Alabama.
  • 2003 President George W. Bush signs the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003 into law. The law establishes the United States’ first national standards for the sending of commercial e-mail and requires the Federal Trade Commission to enforce its provisions.

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This was a conversation between my 9-year old and Santa this year:

Santa: What do you want for Christmas this year?
Jordan: Rudolph
Santa: You can’t have my favorite reindeer. Why would you want Rudolph anyway?
Jordan: Cause I love venison.
Santa (holding back his laughter): That’s it! You’re going on the Naughty List!

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A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

“I think you’ve paid your debt to society,” he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.

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ONE-LINERS: You know you’re having a bad day when …

… everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

… the bird chirping merrily outside your window is a vulture.

… you call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.

… your blind date turns out to be your ex.

… your income tax refund check bounces.

… you put both contact lenses in the same eye.

… you compliment the boss’s wife on her unusual perfume and she isn’t wearing any.

… you need one bathroom scale for each foot.

… you call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there’s a sandwich on the front porch.

… the restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes and no one has touched it.

… nothing you own is actually paid for.

… you go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a “Welcome
Back” party for your new bride.

… you receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money … from the electric company.

… cafeteria food starts to taste good.

… your mother approves of your boyfriend.

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A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a
hand-lettered “For Sale” sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a “new light fixture here and
a little paint there” would help.

Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.

“Ma’am,” the man said, “I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong.
It says, ‘HORSE for sale.'”

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pic of the day: Santa and Reindeer


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
The alphabet was having a convention. All the letters were having a wonderful time, except for E.

E complained about the food and whined about the food. He even told G she had put on weight and looked pregnant. He was getting under everyone’s skin.

B and C were talking in the corner. B said to C, “You know what E’s problem is? He has irritable vowel syndrome.”
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God says to Satan, “It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer.”

“Yeah,” Satan replies. “All the more for me!”

“You better send them up here immediately.”

“No way. I’m keeping them.”

“Send them up here, or I’ll sue the horns right off you.”

“Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

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I saw a new local ad campaign being run for the northern snow birds by our county tourist board. Against a drop dead sunset beach picture, It reads:

Come to the SW coast of Florida this winter for your family vacation! It’s got everything…

Sand for the children, fishing galore for Dad, sun for the wife, and plenty of sharks for the mother-in-law.

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CHRISTMAS KNOCK-KNOCKS

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Donut
Donut who?
Donut open till Christmas!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Rudolph
Rudolph who?
Money is the Rudolph all evil!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Full Cold Moon
Full Moon: December 17, 4:28 A.M.

December’s Full Moon is called the Full Cold Moon. It is the month when the winter cold fastens its grip and the nights become long and dark.

This full Moon is also called the Long Nights Moon by some Native American tribes.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. – Phyllis Diller

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“Regardless of Sunshine or Rain, Be Thankful for another GREAT day…and treat Life as the ULTIMATE Gift…. Because IT IS.” ― Pablo

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